what's your take on this now? long

I could not agree with Eryemil more; I nod yes at virtually every sentence he wrote.

Diana hasn't listened to us at all; it is clear in her posts.
But more important, she hasn't listened to him.

The whys of this pattern are probably complex. Perhaps your parents weren't listeners, Diana, and you have no example or practice in it. A lot of us are recommending therapy for the anxiety you show in most of your posts - not only medication if needed, but sessions of counselling and
thinking on your part.

In the meantime, you are not helping this fellow at all.

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re
ok so should i call him and tell him i wont see him? I understand, i should not nag him.

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Therapist's goldmine: a person who only thinks they want help.

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See if you can make it to the weekend without worrying that something will happen and he won't be able to see you. And practice saying "that's ok, maybe next weekend" in case something does come up and he actually can't see you.

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Re: re

diana78 wrote:

ok so should i call him and tell him i wont see him? I understand, i should not nag him.

I know it's difficult for you, but try to control yourself. Don't call him; don't email him; don't text him. Men don't like clinging vines. Whenever you're feeling that overwhelming compulsion to contact him, think of Lil Abner running as fast as he can away from Daisy Mae's outreached arms.

Let him pursue you.

Find other things to do with your time. Read books, take classes, clean your house, do your laundry, get a manicure, go window shopping, read some magazines, find some new decorating ideas and start redecorating in accordance with your budget, clean your car, browse for some new recipes and bake cookies or make lasagna, go bowling, pet your cat.

There are lots of things you can do to make yourself happy. You don't have to sit by the phone all day agonizing over whether you should call him or whether he will call you.

I hope that you want more out of life other than being a clinging vine.

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Montana wrote:

...you are not hearing anything anyone is telling you. Most of the time, you are just rambling on saying the same things over and over again without even taking the time to respond to the people who obviously cared enough to give you advice.

You know what I really hate? Class does this too... lots of unhappy posts about, "oh, he doesn't care enough! I should just dump him before he hurts me more..."

We all give heartfelt advice and ask questions which will help her be happy with herself, her relationships, her life.... then she posts again "oh, he texted me, I'm so overjoyed!" and it's like none of our posts ever happened.

I really hate that.

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Besides - the fellow is in the beginning period of AA, when he shouldn't be establishing a new relationship, according - I gather - to their long developed advice that has been shown to be important. We knew this at the beginning of this thread. Diana has paid no attention to this, is not exhibiting actual care for his welfare.

<I know I said I wouldn't post any more re D78's threads, probably more than once. It's like a moth to a flame, I can't help keeping reading and then break down after a while and comment.>

I wish the poor man luck.

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I give him a TON of credit. He's trying to get off the booze, he's trying to get himself into a better place, he DOESN'T WANT TO GET DIANA PREGNANT, he's trying to take a breath in between her attempts to drown him and he seems like he's got some sense of a head on his shoulders and she's trying to suffocate him.

Diana, I have a suggestion... please send your boyfriend to A2K and we'd all be very happy to help him cope with combating his alcoholism, his obsessive over-anxious girlfriend, and his attempt to get on with his life.

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BorisKitten wrote:

Montana wrote:
...you are not hearing anything anyone is telling you. Most of the time, you are just rambling on saying the same things over and over again without even taking the time to respond to the people who obviously cared enough to give you advice.

You know what I really hate? Class does this too... lots of unhappy posts about, "oh, he doesn't care enough! I should just dump him before he hurts me more..."

We all give heartfelt advice and ask questions which will help her be happy with herself, her relationships, her life.... then she posts again "oh, he texted me, I'm so overjoyed!" and it's like none of our posts ever happened.

I really hate that.

Yep yep! Bugs me to no end as well. I think that's part of the me me me syndrom ;-)

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re
well he decided to go skiing this weekend

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So what did you say to that?

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re
nothing really. I dont have anythign to say anynmore. He offered to come see me monday night

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Go ahead and retell the conversation for us.

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re
i didnt say much honestly. I'm at work. I really was quiet and he said he felt like he was getting silent treatment.

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FreeDuck, you are a naughty enabler.

http://home.online.no/~cehan2/smiley/KneelSuckers.gif

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<snicker> Busted!

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You are so bad, FreeDuck! Laughing

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re
i'm glad you all find this so ******* funny

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Diana78 . . . this is funny. If you read this thread, you would know what we find funny. This is your thread, didn't you read it?

All of us would have bet a ton of money that you would have said something like this: "So, you made plans to go skiing . . . you JUST don't want to spend time with ME."

Instead, you gave him the silent treatment. (However, the silent treatment is NO IMPROVEMENT over the whining.)

Why couldn't you say something like this, cheerfully: "Good for you! You deserve some fun! Have a great time . . . can't wait to hear about your trip when you get back!"

NOPE. Silent treatment.

Humor is the only way we can deal with you, Diana. Because we all tell you, time and time again, what you're doing to destroy your own happiness -- but you never listen. You keep doing the same old self-destructive stuff. You're predictable.

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But, hey, it is good in a way - the rest of us find out we agree with some other a2kers, deriving a sense of community from our mutual astonishment.

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what's your take on this now? long

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