what's your take on this now? long

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i guess i wont send a text then...i just cant help but think this is a little rude, i wouldnt leave someone hanging like that...esp when yesterday he told me he'd send me an e-mail todya, then he cant even respond to mine.

It's early yet. Last time he said he would contact you on a certain day he did, but it was like 10:30 PM or something.

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well i've decided that i am officially done with this man that i have been posting so much about it. Done done done. We had that conversation on saturday about him not being sure where his life is going but still wanting to date me, etc. He said all these things about wanting to be better about caling me and coming down to see me. HE asked me if i wanted to do something tonight, at first i admit i had a it of an attitude about it, but by the time i left we were still on the plans for tonight. I e-mailed him yesterday just saying, so did you still want to get together thursday, we dont have to so no pressure but i was just wondering since you mentioned it...no response. THen last night i called-no call back. I am just so done with this. I know he said he didnt want anything serious, but why make plans with me to do something and then not follow through? On top of that he seems to go into this avoidance mode. HE doesnt even have the guts to say to me on the phone or in an e-mail, you know thursday night actually is not good for me. I dont get him, and i'm sick of trying to figure it out...

Perhaps when you learn to accept, instead of expect, things in life will seem less tormenting. I see the less control you have over someones actions, thoughts, feelings and life the more desperate you appear. The more desperate you appear, the less likely you will get the kind of response you want from your friend.

Case in point is your last post. You're fuming because he has not contacted you yet about your tentative date for Thursday. " well i've decided that i am officially done with this man " Why? Because he did not call you to fit within YOUR time frame? If you honestly feel this way, if and when he does call, he will surely pick up on it and if you two do end up going out, you will both have an incredibly miserable time.

Maybe he isn't being rude at all as you suggest....maybe he has just been very busy. Men are not children and they don't want badgering or constant reminders about what they are "supposed" to do. The more freedom you give him to come to you on his own free will rather than by demands or pestering, the more likely he will come to you....with an open heart AND an open attitude.

Relax just a bit, unwind yourself from this tight knotted ball you have yourself wound up in. Whatever happens is going to happen and you nor anyone else has the ability to control another....

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well he called...said he left his phone at his house, then went to sleep at his parents..he had left me a message saying, well if you ever call me back...i just said, well you know, you had made plans with me tonight, then never answered me about them. he didnt have much to say. He invited me to go this black tie event at someone's house on sat. i dont know if i'm going yet...

If he does not give you the attention that you need; if he does not hang on every word you say; if he does not call you constantly because he can't stop thinking about you; if he does not adore you every second with puppy dog eyes; if he does not worship the ground you walk on; if he does not lick your feet; if he does not appreciate merely being in your presence and basking in the glow you emit; then get rid of him.

Especially if he does not lick your feet.

Ahjhjhjhjhjh, I agree with the frustration, and think DL and Cinn are trying to wake Diana up with their tart posts, which I was with mine too. Lady J and J_B are kinder with the same underlying point of view (if I have my posts lined up with ducks) and Soz and I and ehBeth are on the same page, or am I confused re diff threads.

Some fellows are bemused too.

Almost all of us (I think all, but haven't memorized posts) hope you get off of yourself to look around and empathize with other people, Diana. Your fellow is in a whole life struggle, and you are going on about his texting you.

Why you look on everything as related to how people treat you - is probably not all your doing, but from something in your background we don't know about.

However some dream date works out, this guy's struggles and your self-interest (which I know is genuine need under all the surface neediness) are in conflict.

Please speak with professional counsel and try to listen.

Osso, I couldn't have said it better! But don't count on any listening happening here.

I don't think Diana & Class are the same person, but maybe they could learn from each other....or at least, b!tch together for a bit....I posted Diana's link to Class's, and the reverse, but it was ignored.

Diana, I used to keep a journal, writing everything down just for myself, and it helped me a lot (hint, hint)

The penchant for leaving phones in cars in order to miss calls is interesting. Must be a trend these days.

Boris, I didn't mean to not mention you, you are a big part of us here. I just get confusled.

My cell phone is usually in my car, but that is appropriate for my particular life.

Who is texting whom or phoning whom or mailing whom - could we line them up to talk in person, eye to eye? I wonder.

It seems this giant meshy screen, with new rules for offence. He didn't text me!!!!!

I usually have my phone with me if I'm waiting for a call/text that I'm apparently very eager to receive. But that may be an unusual quirk of mine. Maybe.

I don't have a cell phone, never had one, and most CERTAINLY don't want one. So it's really hard for me to worry about someone "texting" someone else.

I learned when I was 18 and had a "pager," where co-workers could awaken me in the middle of the night with their stupid computer problems (I was Lead Operator in a computer room). I never wanted a "pager," or anything faintly resembling it, ever again. This was, oh, in the late 1970's or maybe 1980.

I must be unusual, as I don't even answer the phone most of the time....my thinking is, leave a message, I'll let you know if I care. As far as I'm concerned, the phone is there for MY convenience, since I'm paying for it. I use it to call people if I feel like it; it's not for the convenience of other people.

Actually, the only time I've wanted a cell phone is when my car breaks down. That's so rare, it's hardly even worth mentioning.

It's hard to imagine worrying about someone not "texting" me in 2 hours. When I was courting with Mr. Kitten, he called me 2 or 3 times a week, and I thought that was plenty. Any more would have annoyed me. Are women really so different these days?

I don't text either, so I share your lack of clue. But I posit if people kept texting me, I'd be annoyed out of my skull.

Attenzione!!!

Attenzione!!

Me!!

Pick Me!!


I admit this is dramatized for the readers, and makes light of
Diana's problem, which is a problem in real life ----

how to help Diana have some perspective.

Love that post, Ossobucco! That's what I read in both Diana's & Class's threads....me! me! me! who cares about you? me! me! me!

The fact is, we ALL feel this way to a certain extent (oh please be listening Diana) that We Personally are the center of the universe. Why? Because when we die, we will cease to perceive at all, thus the universe will, for us, cease to exist. But we FIGHT IT, because we care about other people, about how other people feel. We actually want to know what it is like for them, being the center of Their Universe.

I don't think I've ever heard Diana or Class even mention feelings of their bf's, unless they were feelings about me me me.

Diana, do you know what your bf thinks about, say, sports? How about his parents and their influence on him? How did his siblings treat him when he was a kid? What hurts him the most? What does he care about more than anything else? What makes him feel happiest? What makes him cry? What's the most important thing that ever happened to him in his whole life?

If you love him, you will want to know. Do you know?

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So this past weekend he invited me to go to this black tie event at his parents friends house. It was a lot of fun. I ended up staying at his place and we have had sex before. We had sex that night, but he kept saying how worried he is that he might get me pregnant. We didnt use protection. He then said that he doesnt feel like everytime we get together we need to have sex. I then said to him, oh you just dont like having sex with me. he assured me that that's not it at all but that he's trying to keep things healthy between us. He just got a new job and has moved so he said he's trying to get his life in order. He said he loves spending time with me, cuddling with me, kissing me etc and he also said he's sick and tired of having to reassure me that he likes me and thinks it should be obvious. I told him that sometimes i feel like when i leave him that i will never hear from him again, he said i shouldnt feel that way.

I told him that i'm not really looking for anything serious either. I dont know what i want sometimes, but my past few relationships have been bad and i dont want to have anything like that again. i guess i do want to take thigns slow. He said he has nothing going on with anyone else and is not looking for anyone else. I said, i'm not either. He then hugged me and said he wants to continue spending time with me and doing things with me. I felt good when i left, but i am always feeling like, oh he's going to decide he doenst want to see me anymore...i know he's not using me because i was pretty much the one who initiated the sex...he jokingly said that i am using him...i'm not. It's just confusing, i really like him so much, i'm happy with how thigns are, but i guess i just worry how long things will not be serious for...

It was really stupid to have unprotected sex with him.

You need professional help. If you're already in therapy, be honest with your therapist and start paying attention. Or find a different therapist.

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gimme a freaking break. Why do i need proffessional help?

Re-read any of the threads you've started. Any of them.
Actually read all of them.
Print them.
Take them to a therapist.