Why would he say this?

big time....

CL, I've just scanned back through this thread looking for somewhere where someone suggested you stay with him and follow your heart. Nothing jumped out at me here with that sentiment. Perhaps you're getting feedback from your IRL friends that suggests you stay with him if you love him. The closest thing to staying with him I saw here was to suggest it was possible to maintain the relationship once you were safe in your own place but the consensus has certainly been that you need to make other living arrangements.

This isn't easy for you but if you're afraid to leave him because of how he might react, then your head says 'go' and your heart says 'fear'. Where is the part about 'happiness and joy' that you should be getting from your relationship?

Ok, so I know I want to leave... but I feel as though I am paralyzed with fear.... how do I go about doing this without hurting him?

Quoting from another thread:
Steak knife, steak tips...a little too Dahmeresque for comfort.

Just leave him. You'll be happier and safer.

You are hurting him MORE by staying. At least if you leave he might take a good long look at himself and get some counseling. Sometimes people have to be "shocked" into reality.

Are you any less paralyzed with fear "staying" with him?

CrazieLady--

You aren't engineering this separation to "hurt" your lover. You are separating because you don't feel safe with him.

All the same, make as few waves as possible. Common sense tells you that you'd better not end your relationship with a monumental, ego-destroying fight.

Is he likely to be out of town again in the near future?

Start your plans now. What do you need to take with you? Who could help you move, both as a strong back for lifting and hauling and as a chaperone/referee to keep your departure as low-key as possible.

Do you have a place you can run to--even in the middle of the night?

Remember, this isn't about hurting your lover--this is about your survival.

Love -- it's a many splendored thing.
CrazieLady:

You are like so many others in this type of situation. You love this man. You know he's a friggen psychopath, but you look the other way. You fool yourself into believing that all the "bad stuff" happens to OTHER people, but it won't happen to you. So, you choose to stay when you know you ought to be leaving.

You are gambling with your life. When women gamble in these types of situations, sometimes they end up dead. You know this, but you still choose to stay.

The best helping hand you'll ever find is the one at the end of your own wrist. If you won't lift that hand to help yourself, there is nothing we can do about it. No one here can make you "see the light" and leave this knife-wielding low-life of a man. You have to figure it out on your own -- the only thing we can do is HOPE that you figure it out sooner than later (and hope that it's not too late).

Best wishes.

Sorry but I have to laugh at that!!

Ok, well I will keep everyone posted... Give me a week or two... A few of my close friends are saying I should leave him now! I know what I have to do, wish me luck!

You can do it. Be strong.

Ok here is an update... :-SS well for the last two nights him and I have gotten into a few arguements and each time I say keep it up and it is over.. Well last night we got in a fight because I was talking to a friend online that is living with my best friend. He asked me who I was talking to, found out it was a male and said he was pissed. So he became immature and wouldn't say a word to me.. I told him that if he didn't say another word then it was over... he was silent and I said I'll have my stuff out by the end of the week.... he went outside and did a little puff puff puffity puff of something, came back in and said he was sorry.. and for the first time ever he said that I had nothing to be sorry about.. for the first time ever it wsn't my fault! Needless to say we made up but I know that that isn't how I want it but he made me feel guilty about wanting it to be over and he said everything was just fine!! How do I go around my fear of hurting him??? If I can't face my fear, I will never leave....

So I called up my best friend and even she says I should leave... she said get out while you can (not in a bad way)... just don't know how do get past my fear!

Perhaps you should start by defining it. What exactly are you afraid of?

No one said that you had to leave your abusive boyfriend, find a husband, have 2.3 children and a rewarding career, come to terms with your parents about your status as an adult and cure cancer in the next twenty-four hours.

What you have to do is break down the rest of your life into itty-bitty-baby steps.

Do you have an emergency place to stay? Somewhere that you can bang on the door in the middle of the night?

He Sounds really NEEDY to me.

Has he physically abused past girlfirends?

I don't have much patience with those who threaten suicide. I decided a long time ago, it is just not MY Place to be Your reason for living. Plus I have had a rough a time as anyone and I vaule my Life so JUMP if you want to.

People have to want to live for themselves, no one can do it for them.

What do you get out of this relationship? Get a Room Mate or 2 if you don't want to live at w/Mom/Dad. Then Try DATING healthy people.

So.... how's things? :wink:

Well I tried to break it off with him, I told him it was over and it didn't happen, I gave in and took him back... things are a little better..I know i took the dangerous route by staying with him right now... but I informed my family that we are having some issues and they said i could move back in if I wanted to!!

Did you take him back conditionally? Or is he going to work on conquering his temper? How are you going to measure progress?

Hope it works for you. Casue the odds are against it.

But Just in case PLEASE take a copule of precautions. Stash back a little CASH, enough for a tank of gas, and a motel room for a weekend and put it in a place you can get to it, away from the house.

Keep a gym bag with the above that contains a set of clothes you can wear to work, w/toothbrush, shampoo etc.

Get and extra set of Car/house keyes made and do the same as above.

Check out Co-Dependant No More at the Local Library.

May God Bless and Keep you. Good Luck.

We talked about his temper, he claims I don't understand his sense of humor and that he usually isn't angry, he is "just joking"... not true.. we are working on our issues.. I have put my foot down in so many areas and I started standing up for myself... I am slowly starting to feel better about myself... hopefully things will change and we will have a healthy, happy relationship!

Just don't get killed.

Well, I'm with you... I don't understand his sense of humor either.

It's good that you talked to your parents and that they'll let you move back home, if necessary. Duce gave you some good tips.

Stay safe and stay well.