Tanbear wrote:Just a bit of an update for you all.
After several weeks of this I've discovered to my pleasure that watching porn and pleasing myself is sooo much hotter and more arousing than sex with my husband ever was.I've purchased a new computer with a very large hard drive for myself,I've also sampled some sex toys purchased on the web.
The last time my husband reached for me, I asked him to please not bother, that I could now see the situation via his viewpoint and feel
our sex life was tired,boring.I also confided that having had a good look at other men now makes it impossible for me to be aroused by his pasty,flabby middle aged body and that having to conjur up enough mental imagery to be able to fake it just isn't worth the effort involved.
He can have his computer in the den, he can now in fact do whatever he likes with whomever he likes.. just as long as he no longer bothers me.
Read this whole thread in one go, and have a couple of comments (I'm a married, 43-yr-old female). Personally, I like having a male body about when I have sex. This is SO much better for me than a computer screen that I can hardly compare them.
Part of the reason I married my husband is because I really want to have sex with him, a lot. Not a facsimile of him, but him with all the flesh & smells & sweat & panting and all that.
Maybe you married this guy for totally different reasons? And now the sex is becoming more important to you than it was before? If so, you can certainly ask him to try to be more attractive to you. After all, all he can do is say "No, I'd prefer fantasy."
I think it's sad that you can't connect sexually with this guy. I also think it's really mean of him to make it so obvious about his porn thing. I can't help but think he meant to hurt you by it, and thus your wanting to hurt him back isn't justified, really, but understandable.
It seems to me your getting a new computer doesn't do a whole lot to get you The Real Thing, which as I said I think is better than any fantasy (gosh, lots of people would disagree with me on that one!)
Can you work sort of slowly towards sex with him? After all, men can learn just like we can, and he can be taught (if he's willing) what really pleasures you. He'd probably be thrilled (they mostly are) to learn you want sex too, which he should be figuring out by now. Or maybe you feel so much better now, you could care less about sex with him?
On the one hand, a marriage is whatever works for the partners and makes them happy. If you both feel that NO actual sex with your spouse is the best option for your marriage, and the 2 of you agree on it, more power to you both.
On the other, connecting with another person is one of the main reasons to be married. Wouldn't you rather have sex with a real person? I guess the question is, now that you've "taught him a lesson," is is worth the trouble to work towards sex with your spouse?
Ya don't have to answer, just some stuff to think about.
