What should I think about my husband and his internet porn?

ok, the belly button thing is gross but I think that tearing off your nipple and stuffing the thing though that opening is pretty nasty.

Actually, shoving anything like that, any way, into your body is pretty repulsive.

No kidding! I remember reading about the bellybutton thing, and it was touted as So Much Better Than The Old Way. (Oh, blick!) So much for modern technology.

I'm waiting for flat-chested women to come into vogue, then I can really be popular. Teehee! Hey, it's bound to happen, isn't it?

Hey, I miss Prairie Pig, I mean Prairie Hog, I mean.......

Yeah, yeah, yeah!!!

Awww!!! Thanks, Panzade. You're too kind and I am flattered by your awesomeness ;-)

Hello....I have been married almost 30 years. I need advise. A few years ago I was vaccuuming out the car inside and underneath the spare tire I found an open box of condoms. I was so upset I called my husband to come home. He told me he used them on himself. And later I found alot of porn on his government computer in the basement. I confronted him with it. He told me it was none of my bussiness. We worked it out and he made me a promise he would never do it again. this past week he wanted to download my resume onto my computer...it was on his government organizer. I stood there in shock porn pictures appeared instantly, he quickly turned the computer off. Now Im so hurt and feel I cant trust him again.. Please give me some advise. Thanks...

Does he work for homeland security? Probably just doing background checks on Jenna Jamison. Trust me...

bmrsongs,

Do you think the problem is only about your husband internet sex?

Are your sex life still....hm...correct?

Storing porn on a government-owned computer would seem to be risking more than embarrassment. In certain circumstances, it might even be job-threatening. Your husband would know the specific rules on this. If he is, indeed, knowingly risking either his business reputation or his job, then it would seem that he is both addicted to porn and fooling with your financial security. Talking with him ASAP about both seems important.

What is a government computer doing in your basement?

If this is not just a joke...playing on the huge number of posts almost identical to this one...

...my advice would be...

...get over it...or get a divorce.

The percentage of guys who enjoy looking at porn...or at least, at naked women....is so huge, that it might as well be asserted that ALL GUYS enjoy it.

Get off his back.

I would agree with Frank Apisa that the percentage of guys "who enjoy looking at porn...or at least naked women...is huge." But, I would draw a distinction between three-dimensional women and those one can see only in print or on a computer. The real women are much better, because they are real, and, if you treat them well and with respect, you can have a much more satisfying sexual relationship with them than with any picture. Sure, almost all men look at porn occasionally--it's natural curiosity. That doesn't do any harm. But, if a guy is watching the stuff a lot, by himself, at work, or deep into the night at home--especially if he's married or lives with a woman--then it seems he has an addiction. It's pretty insulting to his wife or lover if he prefers watching porn on the computer instead of spending time with her. And, if he's wanting sex with his wife because he's all revved up after watching hours of porn, just who is he really having sex with? Is he making love to his wife, or is he simply role-playing some fantasy from the computer screen? If it's the latter scenario, then it's similar to what a well-known feminist once called "masturbating in the vagina," and that is truly demeaning to his wife. Furthermore, the science is there that heavy exposure to porn eventually desensitizes men to the pleasures of a real, flesh-and-blood relationship. The addiction is porn is a fact; it happens; but why should a guy not make the effort to break it so he can enjoy the real thing--sex with a loving woman? That gets my vote. I don't have much interest in pictures; I'd rather be with my wife. As Paul Newman once remarked about an analagous situation, "Why would I go out for hamburger, when I can have steak at home?" That may sound a little crude 30 years after he said it, but I think his point is right on. If you're lucky enough to have the opportunity, enjoy a real sex life.

crumbs. I wish you were my man. xx i love my man, but am coming to terms with the porn thing. its hard. i have stopped looking at his PC .. ages ago and started concentrating on me. He seems to want me more now...

My mom always told me that if you make yourself too available, sometimes men just aren't interested because they figure they can get you whenever they want.

I hope you find happiness.

Wasvery, I think you're very smart to stop checking your guy's PC. That must have been depressing, verifying that what you expect is, yes, there again. Also, although it affects you, this porno habit, it's more deeply your guy's problem. By not looking at his computer, you are limiting your exposure to his sad deal.
Good move, also, to begin concentrating on yourself. YOU have great value as a person, irrespective of what your guy is doing. May things go better for you!

thanks. It is hard. This last 3 weeks i've been doing 50hrs and some, and he's be doing uni work. I've made ahuge effort these last few weeks - been getting dressed up in the evening, been out with friends on own, starting dancing slsa next tuesday - al sorts. Really thought things were getting better.
Still last night night i cheerfully messed about like all week, put on sexy undies and we snuggled and watched a film, laughed lots and it was great.. still didn't get any though, he was too tired.. there i am in a corsett and stocking and suspenders and nothing! yet he's been touchy feely all day??? mixed signals am soo confused.. half of me wants to believe him that its uni work (i do understand have done a degree myself) and the other half wants to check his PC and then break the thing! I was so down, day 5 of no sex started today. sniff.

That you can be close and laugh together is usually a very positive sign in a relationship. Also, it's great that you are getting dressed up and out on your own with friends. A generous lover who is very busy studying for classes would want you to get out and have some fun. If you've been working 50 hours these last weeks, you need some recreation. Chin up. You're doing a good job of taking care of yourself. Let's hope your guy will join you soon. If he seems genuinely touchy-feely--meaning really emotionally connecting with you; you can probably sense this if it's there--then he really is interested in you as a both person and woman, and he wants you, but he may genuinely be tired just from studies. Studying can be as wearing as carrying bricks! May life continue to grow better for you.

thank you xxx

I have to admit we had another discussion about the whole thing - as he mentioned that he now felt pressured to have sex and its putting him off, as I want it all the time - he also said that he thinks i'm too needy - and it puts him off everytime i say 'so have u looked at porn today' if i don't get bonked! He is right I have been feeling if we don't do it then he's probably looked at porn.. so i have been go out of my way too much! So I said i think we should not do it till we both are really feeling close again. OMG! its working a treat.. haven't had it for 3 days now and he's trying it on all the time - u should of seen his face when i suggested it (baring in mind I have never said no in two years- cos i love the silly thing .. oh and him to (cheeky) ... ! Yep if he woke me up in the night and wanted it i always always think how lucky i am and got in the mood asap! (OK i also love nookie!) So here i was this time last week worried every time we didn't do it... now he's worrying! he wouldn't let me go to bed last night and spent 45mins trying to get me to bonk - after a really cool evening.. he even brought the duet down stairs, made dinner and washed up! Chuffed. ... ! Tonight he called me at work just for a chat, and it getting my fav video out... even though he's seen it before.
(But dodgeball is brilliant!)
I think am lucky we do make each other laugh. BUT IT is very hard not to let the porn eat your mind up... and i have had to change the way i think. So I said - to him just that - perhaps like me having to change my view of porn and see is as a sex aid not destroyer - maybe he should see my rampant want of his yumminess as a good thing.. and not pressure!
things are cool at the mo... also er... we've made a pack not to talk about it when we're drunk as it really doesn't help and we both talk ... pooh and say stuff we don't mean.

Sounds as if you had a real conversation--and are now starting on a good track. A hot video could be a "sex aid" (in the sense of wakening mutual interest) if you watch it together. But only if you BOTH enjoyed watching it. I can understand how he might have felt pressured before you talked this out. Most men will say, "Oh, yeah, whenever a woman wants sex, I'm right there, I'm ready, etc.," but some men will find it somewhat alarming that they have this sex-hungry woman on their hands. I think it's safe to say that plenty of men talk a good game about being modern and letting women take the lead, while, in actuality, they are quite a bit more old-fashioned and would be more comfortable as the leader. Maybe the best approach for now is to meet in the middle, as it were, when it's clear that you both are interested. May life continue to go well for you.

I'd just like to share with those (particularly ladies) concerned with this condition that's been named "porn creep" the steps that led me to becoming one.

I grew up in London, UK.

1) My mum and sister moved out when I was 11. I lived with my very strict father (allowed us little or no social life) and my very shy 8 year-old brother.

2) At school (all boys!) girls were an item of phantasy. Some guys claimed they had girlfriends but for most girls were the subject of dreams.

3) I was so academically oriented I didn't even masturbate till I was 16. I only had access to 2 magazines which I hid under a chest of drawers until I met my first real girlfriend, at 17.
My "shy" younger went to a different school, a Co-Ed (girls and boys together); he had a girlfriend as from the age of 13.

3) In my last 2 years (what we call 6th form and the US calls high school years) school policy changed and they let six girls join the school at pre-university level. I fell in love with 4 out of the 6 girls and ended up dating one of them for 2 whole years (my first real girlfriend!), i.e., from the age of 18 till I turned 20.

4) We loved each other so much. We had great fun oral sex but she refused to have intercourse with me. She was afraid of getting pregnant. I respected her wishes, though it became hard not to explore beyond oral as the years passed.
20 years later I still fantasize about what it might have been like to have coitus with her.

5) I moved abroad and dated a Spanish girl, also for 2 years. We were both 21 when we had intercourse for the first time.
At first we were satisfied but the novelty soon wore off and to me her ATTITUDE soon became routine and boring. It was like a staple diet. There was no fun in it. SHE NEVER SEEMED TO ENJOY IT! She didn't or couldn't INTERACT with me!
She too developed fears of getting pregnant. My exploration led us to anal sex which put some enjoyment back into our relationship (YES, SHE liked it too!) yet even that did not dispell her fears of getting pregnant!
Again... FEARS! FEARS! FEARS!

6) I went back to University (College) in the UK and met many other girls (YES, I cheated on her!!) and I had a wonderfully frivolous time with them all! At last I was discovering great CAREFREE INTERACTIVE sex! (By the way, CAREFREE SEX never once ruled out SAFE SEX!)

6) At the age of 22 I moved back to Spain and finally left my Spanish girlfriend for an American woman.
With this woman I shared the greatest years of sex of my life. We were together for 8 years, till I was 30.

We may have watched a handful of porno flicks in that time but we really didn't need them: we had sex anywhere and everywhere, any time... It was NEVER BORING. Our relationship was fun and there was love and communication and SHE WAS NEVER MOODY and she could communicate on any level: sexual, emotional, psychological, intellectual, spiritual and physical (passtimes, etc).
We had frequent sex! She loved it! I loved it! We could talk ABOUT it, we could talk DURING it!
I never thought or felt I needed anything when I was with her.

She is still my greatest friend and the mother of my 2 beautiful children.

7) At 30, I went through a devastatingly hedonistic phase. I already had it all and felt I needed some new major masochistic challenge.

I was not into the idea of having an affair and leading a double life so, when I fell in love with this gorgeous ballbreaking Spanish woman, I decided I had to leave my beautiful fun understanding loving amazing wife, and my precious children too.

They left the country and now live in the US.

8) Sex with the Spanish stunner was abismal from day one!
We are still together to this day (10 years on, I'm now 40 and she's 38) but what keeps together in this love-hate relationship only Heaven knows.

I lie! We like each other a lot, we're very very fond of each other! She can't help it and neither can I! She has made me fight for her love like no-one ever had and I guess that's what I've learned that no-one else had ever taught me.

Still on the sex front, right away it was AWFUL!

Beyond the initial getting-to-know-you phase, I soon learned that she hated sex more than once a week, which soon became no more than once or twice a month!
She wouldn't talk during sex, she didn't much see the point to talking about sex!
One day, into our 5th month, she came out and told me she couldn't stand me needing so much sex and that she hated me coming on to her. She saw it as pressure and that I was to back off! Which I did...

She soon showed me her hand! I was living with a come-home-after-work-and-die-on-the-couch-watching-reality-shows addict.

That brought me down badly! I tried talking about my needs and she argued that THOSE (TV, cocuh, lazy weekends, etc) were her needs and that I could take it or leave it. I was too infatuated to leave it.

I began to look for alternatives. I hadn't needed to masturbate since my teens! First came telephone sex with Caribbean women abroad: at least they actually talked to me! (Not just dirty, I mean talking!)

When I had 2 one-night stands I told her about it; I thought we could share this and maybe start anew. She went berserk!
I began to find out (though she told me nothing!) that she had 1 major affair and 2 (as SHE CALLED THEM) minor flings!

As I tried to win her back (she was considering leaving me for this other guy) still she continued to punish my sexual appetite. By then Internet had developed the services we all know of, today, and I began to crave any source of sexual pleasure I could get, whether pay-per-view channels, web-cam chat rooms or telephone sex.

10 years on she is still the best-looking woman in the world and we're actually getting along better than ever. For almost 2 years now she's been talking about having children and I'm actually beginning to like the idea. She's matured a lot and I like her enough to have a family with her. After all, my own kids and her have always gotten on like a house on fire, and my ex-wife and her get on great too!

Still, I am sad to see how I have gradually become immune to her sexual charms.
I do try to curb my porn-cravings and little by littlle our sex-life is picking up (MAYBE!).

But it's hard and its sad and I know that it really needn't have happened!

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you!

That is a sad story Joe.

Which is why my grandma (oh wise woman she is) told me to make sure my man had steak waiting at home so that he wouldn't run out for a hamburger later. Metaphorically speaking.

Gosh Joe, you've had some really difficult times! I feel for your sorrow.

Hopefully you can get back into sex with your mate. Is she willing to learn to like it better? You know, going through how-to books together, etc? I'd imagine she's more likely to try now, probably trusting you/caring for you more these days.

Best of luck to you in the future.