I'm curious. What do you think would be the benefit of him not going to those sites, katie?
I mean, why do you want him to stop?
katie2 wrote:The office is his office. He is 33..as for google just did a search related to this topic and brought me here.
Yep, we A2K'ers are experts at infidelity and Internet porn, fer sure. When it comes to surfin' and spankin, we really know how to git 'r done.
You could always ask him if next time he wants to look at porn you could join him, since you say its not the porn that bothers you.
Maybe he doesn't believe that, and your asking to join him would be more convincing.
The question? Why would it benefit him to stop? Well why does he need to do this..he is married and he does have a wife who does give him pleasure every night? I mean is this like a fantisy of some sort of being w/ other woman or what. Can this possibly lead to him cheating?
squinney and I were worried that my internet porn would cut down on productivity...so....we're thinking of opening an adult bookstore......Gus and Kicky....we'll need someone to clean the peep booths......minimum wage....but dvd's and toys at cost, and unlimited tokens.....
katie2 wrote:The question? Why would it benefit him to stop? Well why does he need to do this..he is married and he does have a wife who does give him pleasure every night? I mean is this like a fantisy of some sort of being w/ other woman or what. Can this possibly lead to him cheating?
Well...think about that for a second, Katie.
Is he more like to be "lead" to cheating if he is supplimenting what he is getting from you...
...or if he denies himself that suppliment?
from the tone of the post Frank....substituting may be a better word than supplementing....
katie2 wrote:The question? Why would it benefit him to stop? Well why does he need to do this..he is married and he does have a wife who does give him pleasure every night? I mean is this like a fantisy of some sort of being w/ other woman or what. Can this possibly lead to him cheating?
That didn't actually answer the question of what would be the benefit of him stopping. Do you think your marriage is going to be better if he stops? That he will love you more? I suspect the answer to both is no, but I obviously don't know you and your husband.
What would be the benefit of him stopping? What do you think will be different about your life and marriage?
Most here seems to be making light of her problem. She came here for help and advice.
Katie, you need to decide what is acceptable in your marriage and what is not. If he is looking at porn and adult dating sites and lying to you about it, there is a problem. It's not necessarilty that the porn will lead him to cheating, but that he already has a propensity for it and lies to you. He obviously feels guilty about it or he wouldn't get so defensive. As to your spying on him, I believe that is only acceptable if you have taken every direct approach to talking to him about his behaviour first, and gotten nowhere - and you feel that he may be doing something that could result in harm to yourself and your new child (physical, emotional, financial harm). Fess up to him about the interenet program, explain your reasons for it, insist that he discuss this with you openly. You will need to decide, very clearly, before this conversation with him, what is acceptable to you and be very clear with him about it. The lying appears to be the major issue, so don't get sidetracked onto other things. You will have to remain calm and not get overly emotional as well. Good luck!
Maybe he is embarrassed about his perceived "need" for porn and doesn't want you to know about it. Maybe it is just his thing he does alone, his alone time. Even the best husbands like porn. Most would be very appreciative if their wives would just pretend to not see them, even though most wives know and the husbands know their wives know.
It is obviously upsetting you, but why? He is not cheating on you, unless you consider masturbation cheating. Personally, I would rather my hubby whack it than find it else where. But all women are different. Porn doesn't make me happy but he is going to do it no matter what; either in front of you or behind your back so accepting it will make life easier.
But the point is that you gotta talk to him! You deserve happiness too, just as much as he does. So.....quit spying and talk to him.
Divorce him. If you can not find it in your heart to put out, then tell him you want out of the relationship and you can live by yourself or find someone more compatible. By your actions with placing spyware on the computer without His knowledge and consent, and withholding sex from him, you have You have used the power of sex to ruin a good man. congratulations. His soul is being held hostage by you and it makes you feel superior. My guess is you brag to your friends how He is wrapped around your finger. Just let him go. If you have kids together work on joint custody. I gaurentee that as days turn into weeks and weeks into months He will grow more to resent you for your actions.
some guy wanna have it all the time... spying on him is not wrong at all as he is you husband and it's your right to know watever he does...If arent able to manage him anyway...listen to CMORBUTTS..HOPE YOU BE FINE
Does your keylogger software let you see what he types or just where he goes? Adult Friend Finder is a dating site, married or otherwise.
Talk to him, find out what is going on with him. But, I wouldn't tell him about the software you have that lets you know what he's doing. Your gut is telling you something, listen to it.
You know he's going there, and you know he's lying about it. Sounds to me like the problem is bigger than the porn.
First of all I think you're perfectly normal...what you are dealing with is lack of integrity here..Communication is so important...Reserve a time without the child..to discuss with him in non accusatory manner. Remember its all in your delivery. Don't make him feel guilty..openly express your needs and desires for him. Pray together if you are convicted. Honest conversation is best.
Perhaps you need to explore more interesting ways of making love to your husband to get out of the "rut" so to speak....
OMG I just found out that my husband was on adult friend finder, but not to find a friend if ya know what I mean.... I don't know what to do either.
Ouch. My advice: Take a walk around, cool down a bit, then calmly ask him why he was doing this. This is a painful subject, so elevated emotions are normal, but try to be as rational about it as possible. As I told katie, a confrontation about your porn activities is enough to but anyone's back up, so being calm is best.
Sidebar: How did you find out?
My husband is a separate person from me and as such retains the right to read/listen to whatever he wants without me butting in.Otoh,his rights end where my body begins, I retain the right to refuse offers of sex that involve me being used as little more than a masterbatory tool.
If he gets aroused by looking at porn, I simply prefer that he complete his orgasm with porn rather than turning to me, even if that means I go without sex.
Nothing is more disheartening than going to bed after an evening of looking at the side of your husband's face as he stared at the tv/computer only to have him come bounding into the bedroom waving a hard on that he expects you to gleefully jump on like he's doing you some sort of favor.
HA! Nicely put, Tanbear. That's a healthy view, but the tone of it seems bitter. Am I misreading you?
