My husband won't give up porn !!

I'm sorry, Montana.

I know, Brooke and I am too ;-)

(((Hugs)))

Montana, are men who masturbate also cheaters in your book ? I'm just curious where you draw the line.

I won't be answering that question or any others. I'm sick of being treated like a f***ing freak for being normal.

I really did not mean to offend you Montana.

My apologies.

I know this is a sensitve issue for you. I guess I view porn as a "fantasy" with actors involved. People also fantasize in their heads. (and hearts)
I was just curious to see where you drew the line.

I do not think you are a freak, you just have a different viewpoint.

have a nice day.

Montana, only possible problem is if you consider rest of us freaks.
I don't consider you freak for your opinion and thoughts. I think I made it quite clearly in my posts.

I mean - I don't consider you freak because of that.

I might start if you continue to give impression that YOU consider everybody that doesn't think like you - freak.

Montana, I understand what you're saying. As you know I have been struggling with this issue in my marriage over the past month or so. I am relieved to report that last night my husband and I had a heart to heart talk, and this has finally been put to rest. I told him how much pain and anguish this has caused me, and while I can understand that in his mind, occassional porn is no biggie, it's not something that I can or will live with in my marriage. My feelings are real, they are valid and they cannot be changed. He did not know the extent of the pain he caused and vowed never to do it again.
If both people in a marriage love porn, I think that's great for them. If one person is hurt by it, there's no place for it in the marriage. It's not about control, it is about respecting your partner's feelings. That is really what marriage is all about, making one another feel good. If someone decides to disrespect their partner and their marriage by continueing behavior that is causing pain to their significant other, then either the behavior is controlling them or the marriage is in trouble. IMHO
Montana I salute you for holding out for Mr. Right. Kudos for having the moxy to know what you want and not settle for anything less. He's out there, and when you find him it'll be oh so gooood : )

This is what Dr. Phil had to say about this:
(while I'm not a huge Dr. Phil fan, this really helped validate my feelings. Before reading this article I was somehow feeling there was something wrong with me for feeling the way I was)

Internet pornography is a growing trend that has many people worried about their relationships. Is it cheating? And is it a "normal guy thing"? Here's what Dr. Phil believes:


It is not OK behavior. It is a perverse and ridiculous intrusion into your relationship. It is an insult, it is disloyal and it is cheating.


Consider how it makes your partner feel. If it makes your partner feel ugly, hurt, deceived, lied to or inadequate, then it needs to stop. If it is eroding your relationship, it's gone too far.


Pornography isn't real, it's a fantasy. It's makeup, beauty lenses, hair extensions, camera angles, lighting and silicone! It's also somebody's daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. She's demeaning herself, debasing herself, humiliating herself and she's being exploited by people who are funded by you. It is a sick, demented, twisted world. It's not healthy, it's not natural and it's not normal.


Viewing Internet pornography or engaging in cybersex is a short step to taking cheating to the next level.


You need to tell your partner that viewing pornography is absolutely, unequivocally unacceptable in your relationship. Draw a line: Your partner needs to choose between the pornography or the relationship.

Ask yourself or your partner:


Would you do it with your partner standing right there?


Are you turning outside of your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship? You can't change what you don't acknowledge, so find out if you or your partner have a problem.


Do you justify the behavior by saying, "It's harmless," "Everyone does it," or "It's just the Internet"?


Does it intrude on your relationship?


Which is more important: pornography or your relationship?

OMG montana, I just noticed where you were from! I'm in NB, Canada too! small world!

shmookie
I have decided to take a break from A2K for a bit just to cool off, but I'm so glad I stopped in here and caught your responses.
I am so happy that your husband thinks your relationship is more important than the porm and has decided to stay away from it out of respect for your very real feelings.
I'm not a big Dr. Phil fan either, but I was cheering as I read what he said. Way to go Dr. Phil :-D
I hope others read his words and realize how much hurt it can cause someone that they love.

Wow! You live in NB too. Looks like we're neighbors :-D

Of course I don't consider you freaks. I never said that.

I apologize as well. You asked me a question when I was at my boiling point and I took it as sarcasm.

You have a nice day as well :-)

Ok Montana, a breather might be a good idea. Don't make it too long though, I just discovered A2K, and really enjoyed your thoughts and insights.

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Schmookiedoo,

That's great you and your husband worked everything out! He must be a wonderful man to make your pain more important than his pleasure.

Like that adorable girl on extreme home makeover said tonight - "Love comes first."

Schmookiedoo

Thanks Brooke!
Ya, he's pretty awesome. He's not giving up pleasure though, he's just getting it from one source now :wink: ...me!! Internet girls got nuffin on me hehe
Actually alot of good came of this experience, it opened up big communication lines that..well, with kids and life just don't get the attention they deserve sometimes.
After 13 years of marriage there's one thing i'll swear by, and it's not letting things slide. Good or bad if it's on your mind, talk about it! (ok, him leaving his underwear on the floor, I'll let that slide lol)
We joined the gym together this week. My mother has been a doll and has been watching the kids for a couple of hours each night. It's been a blast and we're getting fit at the same time. Much needed time alone together.

Love conquers all

My god, I come in here looking for some juicy **** about porn, and I find you all in here having a sappy lovey-dovey hugfest.

Yechhh!!

lmao
sorry kicky!
smooches

oh no! don't start this...

first of all you can't say life is not an exercise in absolutes. you sleep, you wake up. that's absolute. you drive a car on one side of the road. that's another absolute. those that do not, usually suffer the conseqences. granted, some get away with it.

that said, you can't say which porn is sick/bad and which is good. how can you? on who's authority? what if your mum/dad likes that kind of porn? i'm not saying that the porn you listed above is tasteful to me, actually i quite agree with you... but no one has such authority as to say what's "correct" and what is "wrong", esp. not so concerning something that happens *mostly* in one's private life behind *mostly* closed doors.

still think no porn the way to go; they say prevention is better than cure, and by the looks of this thread, i can safely second that

may i up the stakes and say:
"that is really what marriage is all about, serving one another and putting the other person first."

Bilisker wrote:

Unless they are GAY eh, Bilisker?

Your a hypocrite