Quote:I love the man, but I can't sleep with him, when all I think about is, "Is he really here with me, or on a porn set with that actress with the huge breasts?"
It is quite right for you to feel that way, but do you truly think that "out of sight is out of mind"? How do you know he will not be thinking of some actress in a commercial, or an ex, or some woman he passed on the street? You have no control over what he thinks or when he thinks it, so if you are worried about what he is thinking during sex then you are probably better off not bothering to sleep with him.
Quote:I believe that there's no need for pornographic material to be in our home, especially when I'm always willing and up for just about anything. My husband strongly disagrees.He says that I'm trying to control him,...and that he sees nothing wrong with it. He claims it's entertainment. I see it as emotional cheating,
Those are your feelings and his, and neither is likely to change. Both sets of feelings are quite natural and common, from what I have heard and read here and elsewhere. You both have decided how important this issue is for yourselves and live with the consequences (separate bedrooms, lack of sex life) so I am not sure what kind of advice you are looking for.
There are some thigns you may want to consider regarding the "I am always willing and up for just about anything." statement: that may not necessarily be true.
1) If you see it as "emotional chetaing" that he looks at pictures of other women, why would you not see it as such if he is picturing you as a prostitute, cop. or something that just is not true to who you are?
2) He may also not want to see you that way. Are you sure you want the emotions he associates with pornography to be ones he has with you? Some men purposely keep certain concepts separate because they want to be married to a "good girl" but fantasize about a "bad one".
3) Some men never shake the (deep down) feeling that pornography is dirty and feel that their SOs will just see them as disgusting if they know about their men looking at porn.
4) (Opposite of 3) Some men do think that there is nothing wrong with pornography because men quite naturally do look at other women. Therefore if you are choosing to sleep apart from him and not have sex with him over something he does feel is natural and commonplace, then you are going to come across as controlling if not irrational and unreasonable.
Quote:he has cheated, but will never admit to it , even now, so I have a hard time trusting him...I've heard every excuse possible from him, when it comes to the cyber porn, ie."I never went there, it was a pop-up,that I immediately shut down !,""I was doing research about how to increase your libido
First of all, if you believe he has cheated in the past and do not trust him then you are probably never going to trust him again.
Second of all, those are all valid excuses. I am not saying he is telling the turth, but if you use computers (especially search engines) for any length of time then you would know how true those excuses can be. Pop-up ads are quite common, and can also be the result of a download or virus that got into the computer before. I once had to switch internet browsers because something got into my computer and I could not access the internet without a full screen advertisement for the Paris Hilton video appearing. If you are researching sexual related topics you sometimes have to use the most clinical language possible or your first few pages are going to be porn sites.
I cannot think of anything else to cosnider at the moment, and I have to feed the dogs and get breakfast ready for my husband. Good luck with things.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace