My husband won't give up porn !!

Where did you get that from Misty? What about couples who enjoy porn together? Are they all sick bastards? Have you asked a sexual therapist about porn before making those statements? I can agree with you on porn to be a potencial addction, but it can also be another form of entertaniment that can help out singles to fantasize or couples to develop a more pleasurable sex life. If you don't believe me, ask an expert -by expert I mean a sexologist, not some dogmatic priest that will promise eternal flames to he who watches porn, just because is a "sin", whatever that means-.

If you don't like it or don't stand it, that's ok for you. No problem. Go on. But please, don't judge people who like porn just because you hate it. Don't judge and don't treat people as if they where sick just because their likes dislike you.

you are absolutely right - yadda, yadda, yadda...

Btw, we are talking abour pornography here, not about pedophilia ("children abused for dementic thrills") nor about addiction.

There isn't healthy addiction, and there are hundreds of different addictions.

Of course, I am talking about real addicts and addiction is not what religious/moral extremists/bigots/purists consider it to be. In your post you said that up to 18 million Americans are pornography addicts.
I don't know what emoticon this comment deserves, so feel free to choose one:



I am really sorry if you found my post insulting, but if you feel free to insult billions of people that like pornography, comparing them with pedophiles and calling them sick, well, then I guess you will survive.

Misti, you're funny. When looking up a logical fallacy earlier today; I encountered your argument being used as an example. ... No, really...

Post hoc ergo propter hoc (after this, therefore because of this). This is the fallacy of assuming that A caused B simply because A happened prior to B. A favorite example: "Most rapists read pornography when they were teenagers; obviously, pornography causes violence toward women." The conclusion is invalid, because there can be a correlation between two phenomena without one causing the other. Often, this is because both phenomena may be linked to the same cause. In the example given, it is possible that some psychological factor -- say, a frustrated sex drive -- might cause both a tendency toward sexual violence and a desire for pornographic material, in which case the pornography would not be the true cause of the violence.

I'm no huge fan of porn either, but your statements are ridiculous.




(((( Brooklyn ))))

or, in another example, drunk or crazy drivers certainly caused more deaths and suffering throughout the world then porn addicts, and even pedophiles.

So, it's really sick to even enter the car?

Because, well...they all started by taking driving lessons...

porn has stuffed us up more than 1 person can imagine all by themselves.

if there was no porn, our desires would be all for our wives. and that'd be fantastic. less problems, less intimacy, less divorces

but what our world is attempting to do now is "damage control"... and since i have no real solution in helping with this clean up mess, i'll keep this post short

it didn't stuffed me. nor my wife. and, , we have no plans to become pedophiles.



and if there was no electricity, civilization and all that it brings, we would be all together, sharing stories, spending quality time together and being close to nature.



and that'd be fantastic. less problems, less diseases, less wars, less divorces...

That's very easy for many to say, but it truly sucks when you're single and can't find a man who doesn't like to indulge in watching porn. I know I will never ever be involved with another man that does because I have far too much respect for myself to allow myself to simply be one of many woman my man gets off on. Screw that! I've lived with it and I prefer being alone the rest of my life than to live with a man who isn't satisfied with me.

It's really very sad

I think that you are bit too hard here Montana, but I also am sorry that you feel the way you feel.

And I am sorry that it makes you sad, of course. And I understand why it makes you sad.

But...I think that maybe you should consider fact that even if you find a man who doesn't like porn (they surely exist, and I wish you luck in your search for love ) you will certainly still be "one of many woman my man gets off on". Only difference is that he will not have thoughts about naked women on internet, but rather about beautiful girl he saw on street, or so...it's natural and simply cannot be avoided or stopped.

But that's just it - "thoughts". I have them, and I never cheated on my wife. I also watch porn (and she sometimes does with me) and I never dreamt about someone else while making love with my wife.

So, maybe...just maybe, because I have no idea about your marriage except from what I read from you, problem wasn't that he liked porn, but rather that he was either obsessed with it, or didn't have respect for you generally...or was simply jerk.

I don't know if that's the case, of course, just guessing.

What I am trying to say is that I am sure that you can have man that will respect you, love you, and be faithfull - and still wanting to see some porn from time to time.

But, you feel differently and I know it's a problem for you. Big problem.

Life is not an exercise in absolutes. Not all porn is bad - and not all people who watch porn are going to suddenly turn into a sexual predator or be addicted to it.

Porn that is pedophilic in nature is sick. People that get off on such porn are sick.

Porn that is very violent in nature and is centered around rape, to me, is bad porn. However there are some women that enjoy that stuff right along with the men.

There is porn that is purely consensual in nature - that I think can be just one more addition to a healthy sex life.

If my partner needed or wanted to watch porn with me every time we made love - I would be turned off - not turned on. BUT I am not against using it as an enhancement, along with the many other forms of erotica we might find enjoyable in our sex life. I bet that a lot of men would enjoy their partner doing a little s - l - o - w bump and grind strip tease for them - over a porn video.

Setting porn aside - the real issue comes down to the respect that one partner has for another. If my man knew I did not like porn and hated him looking at porn - yet did it all the time anyhow - he has no respect for me and our marriage is probably doomed with/without the porn.

On the flip side - if I hate porn and I knew my partner found it enjoyable - my making demands on him to never look at it - would be a controlling behavior - and our marriage is probably doomed anyhow.

You sit down - you find a middle ground that you both can live with and you NEVER cross the line that is set. But you set that line as a couple - not as an individual.






((( Bill )))

well, I doubt that I am able to actually keep my "mouth shut" (or fingers in my pockets ), but....

I think JBB just said absolutely everything that needs to be said - Nobel Prize for forumism

Awwwwwww Thank- You.

Brooke
I have to disagree that it would be controlling to expect your lover not to watch porn.
I consider it cheating and just because some others don't agree, doesn't make them right.

It's the women who defend the porn watching that make it impossible for those of us that are sickened by it!

don't you think you are now bit out of line Montana?

You are sickened by it - fine. But that's only your thing.
Fact that most of the world (including women) does not share your view doesn't mean that we are all sick and that we are responsible for your problems.

If this is the way all men are, then I'd rather do without.

I doubt that, Montana. My views on porn, which I haven't brought up lately since I already wrote extensively on the subject in other threads other times, don't make men fantasize women having sex or enjoy watching it, just as it doesn't affect you thinking of it as cheating.

I don't think it is controlling to expect your partner not to watch porn all the time. I do think it is controlling to tell him/her that they can NEVER watch it because you do not like it.

Nor do I think that all men that watch porn will cheat.

I know you have a real issue with this, ((( Montana ))). And I truely do hope you find a man that is not interested in it at all.

Funny you should think that I'm out of line, but it's ok that I'm being called controlling

Give me a break!

mmm....

okay

Brooke
In my eyes, men who watch porn are cheating.

Anyway, I really should stay away from these threads for the simple fact that they send me through the roof.