My husband won't give up porn !!

i had the same problem with my husband when we were engaged but it was not porn. he would talk dirty to women online and sometimes exchange phone numbers. did he stop, maybe but i doubt it. i have come to realize only after 9 months of marriage that YOU can never ever change someone. either except that he likes porn and deal with it or leave him if he is not doing what you want.

do not expect him to change. chances are he will not unless he wants to.

hey momma just chill out a bit and dont take life too serious

Mommaprude,

Unfortunately, porn has made the internet the powerhouse it is today. Rememer there's also satellite and cable porn available. It's a multi-billion dollar industry.

If it's available, men who want it, will find it and take advantage of it--and almost gleefully pay for it.

Porn does denigrate a marriage, placing sex with the spouse in the backseat. Porn also imbues sex with an illicit and anonymous connotation. Porn removes the human connection from sex reducing it more into an animal rut and grunt. With all that, it takes the stress off the male to please and interact with a real partner.

Believe it or not mammaprude, the first thought that went through my mind when I read your post was that your hubby's problem (and it IS his problem) is erectile dysfunction. That he's having problems in that area--which has nothing at all to do with you. It's often so easy for the male to project his guilt/ineptitude/insecurities upon his S/O--I've seen it for years.

His delving into porn won't stop, unless his personal issues are addressed. Do seek therapy, do have him consult a medical doctor, and if the above fails, you have a choice on your hands.

I wish you the best.

oh crikey god help you women out there who take all this so seriously,porn is there whether you like it or not.if you dont like your man watching/looking at it then get rid of him and stop whining.it seems momma prude you have the problems of insecurity.
go get yourself a video with men in getting their bits out.without sex u wouldnt be here.get over it and get on with life

angry waves your crazy,get him to see a doctor for watching porn?
if thats the case 99.9% of the male population need to see a shrink

iceman, you sound like a real winner. nice advice.

I'll second that

I think iceman's right in most cases. No medical intervention is required. There's nothing new about this, except the volume of available material. It was the subject of blinkin' cave paintings.

i see myself as a normal(ish) sort of guy yeah i lke to look at womens bodies etc ,maybe look at a bit of porn not to obsession, its human nature.
mommaprude you really do need to look at why you are so insecure,if you cannot be honest with yourself and find why you so strongly object to nature itself im afraid you will never find true happiness as you will spend most of your life trying to destroy any shred of happiness you find.
life is to enjoy as you only get one go at it(i presume) dont take life too serious have fun,have a laugh,respect other peoples points of view even if they differ to yours.
all this self pity will eat away at you and years will pass by,think of it like an egg timer the sands of time slowly ebbing away.dont criticise others for how they live there lives look deep inside your soul and find your true inner self bring it to the forefront and SMILE!!!!!!

I don't know if anyone suggested this yet but, perhaps you and your husband could make a little porn of your own. That way he has something to watch/look at and you don't have to feel insecure about it being another woman he is looking at.

now that's what i'm talkin' about...good idea, jpin!

so wheres mommaprude lately has she gone into the porn industry?????

jpinMilwaukee

(apologies all - this is off subject, but apparantly people have been misusing the PM feature)

Where (or how) did you get a pic which signs your name?? Very cool stuff I would like to flatter you by mimicking (but I promise not to copy your idea exactly!)

As for the thread.... I don't think it gets better, but I'm thinking of starting my own thread on the subject... But if you can't trust him...

Oh, and the doctor comment was obviously referring to his erectile dysfunction and not his point-of-view

To shewolfnm:
I have NEVER stated to my spouse anything of the sort, as to using sex as a weapon! In fact, I have approached HIM and he has refused ME. I feel uncomfortable about sharing a bed and that's my right, but I've never claimed that I would refuse him, if he was actually wanting to be with me and not as a masturabatory helper!

To occum bill:
What do you mean,"pretend on this one?"---Are you implying that I just Grin and Bear it?---How would you feel ,if the tables were turned and you were the one in my position?--I can certainly see why you're single.

mommaprude u need to chill out,roll a big spliff or something.

To iceman and jpin:
I can appreciate your points of view, but I feel you're missing some information. To iceman, the only insecurities I have, have already happened. A month ago, I invited my husband back into the bedroom and he accepted, but not even a week after exceptional sex, I received a phone call. It was from his other woman, whom I found out has been with him, on and off , for about 4 years and jpin,...she's in the adult industry, the same one I used to be in, exotic dancing. Since then, he's moved back to his room, and me in mine. I've approached him sexually, but he's refused. He claims to never have been with this woman, but the other day, I discovered his history and there she was, on one of HIS sites, and on his mail, which he hadn't disposed of, he's emailed her through her website !!! Life is too short, but I have time, children, roots and a marriage at stake. I'm a little shocked that some people can laugh at this, when it (porn) and infidelity can destroy everything you've worked sooo hard for !!

To iceman,
Sorry dear, but I don't do and have never done drugs, I drink socially and responsibly and only smoke cigarrettes. As for chilling out,...perhaps you like to step in to my shoes for a day and see if you could handle the situation better?-I do appreciate your 2 cents, but try to look at things through my eyes okay?

Momma,

I don't think anyone is laughing at your problem. You came here and asked for advice and we give it...some of the advice is good and some of it isn't.

There are a lot of threads on this topic (husbands and porn) and each one is a little different. Most people here offer pretty good advice...you can take it or leave it.

Now, it sounds to me like your husband doesn't want to fix the problem. You live in seperate bedrooms (from what I am gathering it is your choice because you "feel uncomfortable about sharing a bed and that's my right"). Maybe he has decided that if the two of you can't even share a bed then sharing a life together is never going to happen.

It sounds to me like the two of you have deeper problems then him looking at porn.

(candycat...I made my avatar myself ... you know what they say: Mimicking is the best form of flattery. And welcome to a2k!)

I feel for ya momma.

If you take jpin's advice, make sure to publish the result on the Internet and A2K so we can all critique the plot.