My wife's affair and her lack of desire towards me now

What I don't give a crap about is your opinion.

I would love to pinpoint and respond to all your comments, but a wrap should suffice. You have answered all the questions yourself. Then you stumble back to needing to work at the marriage for duty sake. A vow which needs to be honored. A lot of assumption you are taking as a given but wrongly. Comments and actions toward her should not be a reasoning premise and a contributing factor in your wife falling out of love with you. Value realization in both of you is more a factor a decade into a relationship. For all I know you might be feeling the same way toward her in reality.

A few quick things. You can't expect counseling to change someone's feelings for another. Any affair is critical to fatal. Forcing remedy to a lost love scenario is low on efficacy this far into a relationship. There is clearly love of keeping the family as is, which is keeping both of you together. This is different to love of each other and mistakenly applied these days. Your wife's actions are a perfect textbook case study and vignette into the difference which should be placed into love of spouse and family. They are not joined and can be acted on differently. Clearly your situation.

So choosing to continue a loveless relationship from her end is a value choice of love of the family stability and security, which is also a highly pursued value in any individual. Or loving you. A lost or absence of love of you has a side effect of lost pride and flourishing soul to yourself. Even reference made to the absence of horny feelings toward you is a devastating feeling, and for many men a relationship breaker. But also a choice for you. Whether to stay and love family and stability, or live with lost soul and pride in a wife which has lost that spark type love we all crave.

I have published that craving love, forcing, and repairing love are different realities. Craving love doesn't mean one can gain it from the person in question or the person in front of one's face. It occurs by chance and realization, an attraction toward a combination of values. The real love we talk about and feel gooey about. The forcing and repair of love is a near impossible reality as we force a feeling's return we have lost. So further food for thought for you. I hope your own questions can be realized as answers as clearly a love of the family is overriding love for each other.

Sometimes love ain't just enough. If a woman doesn't respond to u it means she doesn't feel u anymore.

For all your marriage life u wanna say u failed to make ur wife open up to u so u could discuss issues? Sometimes when people disagree on something its always not what you say that is taken as criticism but the way u say it matters a lot. Maybe somewhere somehow u don't support her enough but crushed her motherhood (the way she was bringing up your son.

I guys should sit down and talk about this coz there is no need for her to be in a relationships with u coz she feels its an obligation or she owes it to u or family. Both of u shld be happy and you shouldn't fake it.

So, you're pushing a book.

La la la.

My own take, no book, is that love is a product of the caring by two people. This will vary.

Failed your wife to open up?! I just love your Cinderella take. How can someone fail you to open up. You either do it or you don't. It takes guts. When you need something you need to speak up. Be responsible speak your mind. Nobody completes you. You can share a life ...that's it. If you're not satisfied find a way to make this known. Try what you can...even counseling. At the end of the day you are free to make your own choices. So your contentment lies in your own hands. You guide your own life. I agree...love alone does not make you stay together. Communication goes both ways.

Yeah...like men ever understood women, right?
Germlat, you don't give a damn about women, do you?

Actually I do...since I am one...but I'm not ok with squandering chances because I know chances are special. Let me tell you: Not everyone will put up with you, acknowledge you or even give a ****...no matter what the freaking sex drive did for you... Try it with the fickle **** you had an affair with...he's just may just be weak.

U might think it's a cindrella approach but it's real. What happens if u always criticize ur partner? Don't u think u kill their self esteem? Such people never get up to stand for their own. For God sake she is his wife not a galfriend or mistress so he better be concerned as to what and where it went wrong. Someone else has won her. Do we get married to divorce? We try by all means to work things out dsts y we are even discussing issues online.

Show some luv, she is a woman.

The Cinderella Complex is but a maladaptive trait. It's not true ...unless you fathom yourself always as a damsel in distress. It's complete and utter bullcrap ok?! I was raised this way...and able to overcome this nonsense. As far as showing love....well...she's shitting all over a good thing not me. Tell her that....

Hoekom is jy hard en skree? Does a genuine comment make one a damsel in distress!?! Not everyone is insensitive as you are. And not everyone can stand for herself like u jus like this woman in question and there is nothing wrong with that.

Please translate to English.

What I believe in every one deserve a second chance, just talk to her in a soft way, with out talking you cannot solve this out. And also after having kids it is normal woman lost their desires due to the pain and restless. So some times better you both take a day out with leaving the child with parents or family or a baby sitter and take some times for both of you! I wish you all the best with this,

Why are you being so hard and harsh

@ Zurich, that's the point. For bestrong1976 to talk to her in a soft way.
@ Bestrong1976, I guess u not trying to identify who is to blame coz that's not what u guys need now. Just talk to her so u establish where it all went wrong and work it out. Gudluck

I second that and I am assuming that is something we will never find out.
I was also born in a family that kept me a virgin until 21.
I was never a slut. I had loved before.
Some people just never loved that much and they do not understand. Though they think they did, so everyone weaknesses makes them feel superior and stronger. And when I said I am keeping my butterflies I am sure she doesn't even know what it means. Thanks for your kindness. it means a lot.

I didn't recognize the language....go back and read your post.

You had me at parent alienation....

How can you put someone on ignore?

1. Press on avatar of person to be ignored
2. You will find the option on the right
3. Select ignore

Afrikaans! Well u have been harsh and I considerate Germlat coz u say u been brought up not to take such nonsense. (the one u feel Bestrong1976 is facing) hence u think my comment was a cindrella approach.