My wife's affair and her lack of desire towards me now

I have asked husband for the let go and he was sort of like...whatever. I think he secretly wish not to know. He wouldn't want to be hurt. better blind.
With married lover - I am not counting on him to leave his wife. I am just loving him.

You're not sick for wanting sex...that's for sure. But--have a talk with your husband and let him know you are severely sexually frustrated and that it is NORMAL to want sex at your age. Maybe print out some articles on perimenopausal women and sex. If he's not willing to seek help...make it known that doesn't make your needs go away. I have never met a man who didn't want sex at all. Maybe it's a medical issue...or emotional. Ask him if he'd be ok with you having sex elsewhere...that may propel him in a different direction ....I would NOT rule out the possibility of him having his sexual needs satisfied elsewhere...don't take that as a failure...it happens often...and--it has nothing to do with whomever their spouses are.

I will repeat. I had started this conversation before anything occurred between me and my love. I said it how it is and my husband knows him and he knows we were always friends. And when my love proposed to have a talk I was stupid enough to tell husband because I was livid! ME! Wife of my husband and mother of my child! Cheating??? WTF? I was telling him off and were very surprised.
However one thing led to another...
And I fell hard like it wasn't planned.
And then I became very frustrated. And I started to talk to my husband.
And he said ok, I will take something and we will see. And all I see is that
he is not interested. You know what, I would love to find out he has a flame.
But it is impossible because we are together 24/7 and I know he loves me.
Like a mother now probably, because I make his life comfortable except when I talk about sex. I am jokingly telling him that he needs to write me a prescription so I can take it to youknowwhom to fulfill it and he said once that it is ok. So now I am basically free to screw!

I think you can jokingly have that conversation. It needs to be clear that he understands you love him but, you don't want to do without sex. He needs to know you WILL have sex even if it's not with him. Make it clear...not in an angry way but just so he knows you're not joking. If he accepts those terms you're in the clear with him. But what about your lover's wife? You can't assume what her feelings are towards him. She has invested years, made a home, and had his children. Maybe she loves him dearly...how is it fair to her? As you heard from the guy who cheated on his wife for six years, it isn't that he doesn't love her, the sex is great etc. some people simply get bored . If they have filet mignon every night , after a while they want fried chicken...it's called variety. If they have a sweet and demure spouse they want a more assertive type...in other words, something other than what they have. If they have a blonde than a brunette. ...

Oy, Germlat. For 6 month I was having this conversation with him in serious and jokingly and in other ways.
And about wife...why do I have to think about her if he doesn't? If she was attending to him he wouldn't be looking. And I know for sure he never did.
We just happened.

because if he can do it to her then he could do it to you.. Maybe if she were too blonde or too brunette, too opinionated, too shy, too dark or too white (see the point). ..then the only way you'll know is if he actually leaves her for you. Statistically that's not the trend. I'm saying don't invest in this until you test it. If you've told your husband in a serious conversation that you will have sex out of the marriage and his ok with that...that's on him.

because if he can do it to her then he could do it to you.. Maybe if she were too blonde or too brunette, too opinionated, too shy, too dark or too white (see the point). ..then the only way you'll know is if he actually leaves her for you. Statistically that's not the trend. I'm saying don't invest in this until you test it. If you've told your husband in a serious conversation that you will have sex out of the marriage and his ok with that...that's on him.

Bull-o-ney Bestrong!!!!! Oh, so it's all about HIS deficiencies? All the things HE has to do to spark HER desire?

No. Desire rests in each one of us. It's HER responsibility to light her OWN spark. Desire and passion is a state of mind.

He COULD be repulsed by her cheating self (most women take that tack). But he doesn't. He's found his fire kindled - and she didn't do that, HE did. he made the decision, the effort, the idea to change his mind about her.

That's what she's not willing to do - change her mind about her husband. Find him sexy, hot, desirable. It's all available for any one of us to find any other of us sexy. It's all in the mind.

And if she's not willing to do that, then she's not really trying to save the marriage.

Can you recall right before her affair how was your sex life?
Was she horny or she had lost it a while ago and you just
Never saw it and only noticed when found out about affair?

I still do not believe that women going
For an affair if they have it good at home.

Oh i think she is trying hard! Ever tried to have sex with man you have desire for?

Hey I just wanted to say thanks for what you said.