My wife's affair and her lack of desire towards me now

You have NO right whatsoever to suggest breaking up a family!!!
Don't you understand it? If not - you are not in any position to give an advice to anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I do like him and appreciate him and he is HAPPY!
He sings and telling jokes all the time. He is cozy, comfy and fed home made from scratch meals. He doesn't need me to leave him. He doesn't have to 'learn' at his age how to live alone. He is happy where he is NOW.
I am the one who isn't. But I am used to it. I had settled.

Would you be ok if, you found out the reason your husband doesn't have sex with you is because he has a playmate ? Would that change the way you view your relationship? After all, people cheat for numerous reasons...

well, yeah, actually I do have the right to suggest whatever I'd like here

the same way you have the right to post the things you do

there's nothing in the TOS that says we can only post things that everyone likes

Actually the only one breaking up your family is you...and your "butterflies". I particularly enjoyed your posts concerning why men stay with their wives, when they have a lover( meaning you want to know why your lover goes back to his wife)

Unless I missed this, I don't see where you explored with your with wife what made her horny in her affair. Why not try to get her to explore what thoughts were in her mind or turned her on about the affair? If you do this, you will likely be surprised that it's nothing to do with the other the other guys looks.

You are still making the same mistake that I did for many years, it seems. You are assuming women get turned on similar to how men get turned on by physical attraction. For women they mostly get hot and really attracted by emotional factors. For example, most women agree that men are WAY sexier in a suit than when naked. To us guys that makes zero sense because for us..more skin of hot girl we see the more hot she seems. That's why for professional dancers, the men are always in suits while women are half-naked.

My advice is get inside her head. Learn what ...what turns her on.

NOTE: Find out how her and the other guy communicated. Was it by texts? Women get way hotter by sexy words in writing like texts and emails. Do you ever text her romantic or flirty things? Do you email her?

NOTE2: Please dont ask to read or the content of texts between them. Why not? well you might be tempted to imitate what he said or did. Girls love originality. So just try texting her stuff.

One last tip. Girls love guys with confidence and many girls get turned on by a guy who does not CARE if she is turned on or not. Ha ha. I have seen this time and again. Some girls and maybe your wife will perceive you a week or even girlish to care so much if she is attracted to you or hot. Many girls fantasize about being a guys little sex toy a play thing to do whatever he wants with her without regard for her desires.

My wife was never attracted to me for almost 20 years. Finally I figure this out and she still "claims" that she doesnt' really feel any attraction but she gets up early (never did that before) to ask me how she can please me before I head off to work each morning--every morning.

She is often now flirting with me....flashing her boobs at me..and other seductive things. She likes to spark me to take her and do what a I please with her.

Wife cannot get enough as soon as I stopped caring if she is attracted to me or not. She still claims she doesn't need or desire sex. But 90% of the time she initiates it now and 50% of the time I dont feel like it or busy with other stuff and she waggle boobs in my face or stroking my package till I cannot resist.

I want to suggest to experiment with this kind of attitude. NOTE: Avoid telling he you dont care if she is attracted or turned on. Just stop mentioning it or worrying about it and few her as you play toy. Watch her BLOSSOM.

Most girls deep down enjoy the idea of being a sex toy--but a clever and intelligent sex toy.

No meaning why are they getting a lover when having a wife.

I could list a thousand reasons....including the most weird one (at least to me)which is --because I could. Many men who cheat report having a good marriage and being happy in their marriage....go figure.

1. Where are they reporting it?
2. Does 'happy' meaning 'I can freely sleep with whomever' in this marriage?

There's been many studies & polls over the years. Some may report they cheated simply because they could...some stated they loved their wives and were happy in their marriages.

Studies...how many people were asked and how many had lied?
Can we really trust those studies based on probably 1% of the men population?
I don't.

There are tons of studies. But--if it's sample size you're concerned about, then why only rely on your own opinion. You're only one person. Or only rely on what one man is telling you--he could also lie.

I only believe that one man wouldn't complicate his life just because his wife is wonderful so he can be caught and lose her.

There are people out there who would do just that....then when caught are weepy, remorseful (surely about getting caught). I have a friend who cheated on his wife (who he claimed to have loved), she found out and divorced him. Then he was angry that she did this, stating that if she really loved him she would've forgiven him. He begged and pleaded for her to take him back...she never did .

Exactly! Key word here is he claimed he loved his wife.
When you love someone you do not cheat on them.

Not sure why you're confusing love and sex.

People can love one person and have sex with other people. There's really nothing unusual about it - for men or women.

because they like to have sex with other people

because it's fun

because it's thrilling

because it's dangerous

because they can

there are many reasons married people have sex with other partners

I do not understand that. And disagree. Completely.

Why would he have sex with someone else if I am here and he loves me?

You don't have to understand it for it to be the truth.

Sometimes it is as simple as biology - people want to have sex with different people - that is perfectly normal and natural.

Conflating sex and love doesn't help. People have sex with people they don't love. People love people they don't have sex with. People have sex with people they love.

Sex and love are separate matters. It's awfully nice when they coincide, but they're not the same thing.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/infidelity-statistics/

http://www.womansday.com/sex-relationships/dating-marriage/infidelity-in-marriage







and one that might have some resonance for you Eliusa

Why do you think he wanted his x-wife back so badly then?? He NEVER saw his lover again....not even after the divorce.