My wife's affair and her lack of desire towards me now

@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

I do not understand that. And disagree. Completely.

Why would he have sex with someone else if I am here and he loves me?

Boy you're naive. Was your husband your only relationship? ...maybe that's the problem. Do we have any college girls in the house??? Most would advice you differently from what you believe.

1 Reply

@Germlat,

I had a pretty wild youth after 21. Yeah, I was 'waiting' for whatever it is and regretting it somewhat.
I couldn't tell my husband 'how many' exactly so I just made up number 50 Smile

I was 26 when we've met and started a family.

I had always had a strong old fashion believe that you marry someone you are absolutely love. And when you did - you guard this relationship with all your might. And this is what I was doing. And I swear I had never laid an eye on another man. And never thought of a possibility. For 22 years.

1 Reply

@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

I had a pretty wild youth after 21. Yeah, I was 'waiting' for whatever it is and regretting it somewhat.
I couldn't tell my husband 'how many' exactly so I just made up number 50
I was 26 when we've met and started a family.

I had always had a strong old fashion believe that you marry someone you are absolutely love. And when you did - you guard this relationship with all your might. And this is what I was doing. And I swear I had never laid an eye on another man. And never thought of a possibility. For 22 years.

You're not guarding by cheating....26when you started...22 in the relationship. That would make you 48...not that that matters.

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@Germlat,

No I said I WAS guarding. When I was a good girl.

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@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

No I said I WAS guarding. When I was a good girl.

That makes more sense...but--why are you still interested in him seeing a doc for ED.

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@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

No I said I WAS guarding. When I was a good girl.

That makes more sense...but--why are you still interested in him seeing a doc for ED.

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@Germlat,

I thought if my newfound love is just a lust and lack of sex - I will try to get it on with DH and will be cured. And I will keep my life as it used to be.
Had not happened:(

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@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

I thought if my newfound love is just a lust and lack of sex - I will try to get it on with DH and will be cured. And I will keep my life as it used to be.
Had not happened:(

There's always a reason behind lack of desire(your husband's issue) wether physical or emotional...not just for the hell of it.

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@Germlat,

No, some just lazy and having no drive and prefer dinner and TV. And drinking. And I had not realized that 22 years ago when I was basically raping him every day. Later there was a break while child was born and then later whatever it was I wasn't so paying attention. Live went on. I did understand by then that my sex life was screwed but I loved my husband and thought it is ok. Not everyone gets it on all the time.
I can't do it anymore. And there aren't 'services' for that. lol

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@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

No, some just lazy and having no drive and prefer dinner and TV. And drinking. And I had not realized that 22 years ago when I was basically raping him every day. Later there was a break while child was born and then later whatever it was I wasn't so paying attention. Live went on. I did understand by then that my sex life was screwed but I loved my husband and thought it is ok. Not everyone gets it on all the time.
I can't do it anymore. And there aren't 'services' for that. lol

I'm now laughing at your raping quote ;-). Watch out there may be an arrest warrant out for you LOL.... I actually have expressed empathy for your situation. But--I also believe there is an emotional or physical component for his behavior or lack....I can honestly tell you I couldn't have taken it as long as you...but---I think I would've gotten out.

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@Germlat,

I was 26, I fell in love and I was doing him favors like crazy! I do not remember if he enjoyed that the way I was planning. But he married me so he must had. Right?
I do not remember where it went and how it turned into nothing.
I was telling myself for years that there are plenty of married people who have none. Uhhhh

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@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

I was 26, I fell in love and I was doing him favors like crazy! I do not remember if he enjoyed that the way I was planning. But he married me so he must had. Right?
I do not remember where it went and how it turned into nothing.
I was telling myself for years that there are plenty of married people who have none. Uhhhh

I see your predicament...but not so...I've never gone a full 2 weeks week without sex..and that was due to surgery/ illness ...of course everyone has different desires/ needs. I could endure being overlooked due to someone feeling sick emotionally/physically. But--in the end, I myself could not endure a prolonged period of time. My Aunt and uncle haven't had sex in 20 years...I couldn't do it. I'd skip out. For her it's more of an unspoken financial arrangement. Still....I'd get a divorce or clarify what the hell the terms are supposed to be. Open relationship would be better than lying, sneaking around to me. How often do you have sex with your husband?

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@Germlat,

With my husband? I just told you never. He is not into it. Cialis isn't working for him the was its working for others because he is doing it because I started to become too horny and I said I will be ******* someone else. But he is really impotent I guess. I am offering him some and it is always 'tomorrow'.
NOW because I was told how much I am wanted I am like a friggin centrifugal force. I can't get enough.

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@Eliusa,

Maybe he's dealing emotional issues that may have nothing to do with you. Maybe therapy might help him.

1 Reply

@Germlat,

And you know what, if I came here 6 month ago and you told me there are women who have to have sex I would tell you that those women just horny sluts who have nothing to do and a lot of time to think about things that are overrated. I was so prude and proper I can't believe what had happened from that person. I had my wild youth and now when married I was dedicated wife to my husband. However I was shown an oops!

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@Germlat,

He is not dealing with anything. He is happy peppy man who has me by his side at work and his afterwork routine. Never wanted to change it. Never.
Please, believe me I was questioning if this is all he needs?
And every time I was asking him it was 'everything is allright'. And he is singing. And telling jokes.

1 Reply

@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

He is not dealing with anything. He is happy peppy man who has me by his side at work and his afterwork routine. Never wanted to change it. Never.
Please, believe me I was questioning if this is all he needs?
And every time I was asking him it was 'everything is allright'. And he is singing. And telling jokes.

Better leave this for a therapist. Neither you nor I have the tools needed to crack that code. I once knew a guy who simply never returned home. His wife said she had no idea he was unhappy. BTW--I don't think it's fair for you to not have sex...that's awful..perimenopausal women are typically horny (at their peak sexually speaking). The biological reason is our hormones are shifting, our bodies are saying ,"last chance to get pregnant!". Also--our indoctrinated psychology asks, "Can I still attract or inspire passion?". In the end you will have to prove it to yourself. Men go through the same phenomenon. But--don't loose your wits...in the end you'll go through menopause. This will pass...and you'll realize what you truly need. This happens to men as well. Seriously--not trying to offend you...there's a possibility your husband loves you dearly and is getting sex on the side...or he feels grossly inadequate and tries to make up for it by being very sweet, happy...whatever...maybe he feels horrible about himself and doesn't want to lose you....

2 Replies

@Germlat,

There isn't going to be any therapist. DH is an old school and not having any problems. I am pretty open and I tell him everything he needs to know in a friendly way. Plus I had decided some times ago that I am not liking his 'style'...

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@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

There isn't going to be any therapist. DH is an old school and not having any problems. I am pretty open and I tell him everything he needs to know in a friendly way. Plus I had decided some times ago that I am not liking his 'style'...

Then girlfriend ...you must move on. Believe it to not you don't need a married lover..think about what you've read on this forum about the guy in the 6 year relationship--still he couldn't leave his wife. Don't waste your time on him.. Don't become someone's temporary supply. If you truly want to remain married but simply cannot deal with sex being absent(I certainly could not), ask him if he's incapable of making love to you, would it be wrong if you sought sex elsewhere? Just sex... Not in an accusatory manner... But--in a realistic "you may not want sex, but my loins are burning and I can't possibly ignore it. ". What's wrong with honesty?

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@Germlat,

I didn't know men go trough this as well. It doesn't change anything however makes me understand why both of us me and my love are so mad about each other. We are 5 years apart so...same **** is going on in his head.
And seriously at my age where am I supposed to go for sex? And if there is some waiting for me I am taking it. Right?
I am not sick like my husband lovingly describing it, right?

1 Reply

My wife's affair and her lack of desire towards me now

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