@sozobe,
Quote:Well, I don't think that's quite fair.
The whole "stopping him from kissing you" thing. She likes him, and has for a long time, and he asks her out (yay!) and then kisses her (yay!) -- these are things she's happy about, and I think that's fine. I don't think that in and of itself it's anything she has to feel bad about. It also doesn't sound like it was something where impulse and emotion were really the main factors -- she wanted to kiss him before the kiss, she wanted to kiss him during the kiss, she wanted to kiss him after the kiss. Not something she regretted.
I think we may be viewing the sequence of events differently, possibly because we don't have that many details.
I'm not under the impression that Collin actually asked Gracie out, on a date, the way you or I might think of it--Do you want to get some pizza after school? Want to go to a movie with me? Want to go to the mall on Saturday?--nor does it sound like they have ever actually been on "a date" of that type.
It sounds more like Collin, who Gracie has been in classes with for years, suddenly started paying more attention to her in school, and they began talking more in school, and then he kissed her, in school.
That's my understanding of events from Gracie's description, and it was in that context that I made my remarks. I don't think Gracie should feel bad about kissing him, I'm wondering why she didn't stop and think a bit more
after that kiss. Because she was so obviously flattered by this sort of attention from a boy, she rather immediately decided she was in a relationship, and he was now her boyfriend--
knowing full well her father would not approve of this sort relationship.
She had time to stop and think at that point, and even talk with her father. That's where, I think, her impulse and emotion took over--she liked the idea of having a boyfriend, and of being like those 15 year old female classmates of hers, but, at some point, she also should have given some weight to what she was and wasn't allowed to do, according to her father. It was in that context that I also mentioned the issue of peer pressure and her caving into it--I don't think this is just about being attracted to a boy, it's also very much about wanting to "fit in" with those 15 year old girls by having a boyfriend--regardless of what her father thinks about that.
I think it's important for Gracie to realize how peer pressure might affect her decisions, because the particular peers in question are 2 years older than she is, they are at a different maturity point in their social experiences and social interactions than she is, and their parents may allow them to do things that her dad does not yet permit.
Suppose these kids start experimenting with drinking at parties, should Gracie try that too, just "to fit in"? Suppose they have later curfews than she does, should she defiantly stay out later, "just to fit in"?
Her dad has a right to limit her behavior based on what he feels is appropriate
for a 13 year old, but Gracie is using
15 year old role models, and somewhat unreasonably expects her dad to treat her like a 15 year old, and further denies that those two years make any difference.
At 13, I do think Gracie has to stop and think about her father's restrictions more than she seems willing to do. I don't know that he is being at all unreasonable as the father
of a 13 year old. Part of the problem is that Gracie doesn't want to see herself as only 13--she wants to be able to act just the way the 15 year olds do, regardless of whether she can handle situations as well they might be able to do, and regardless of what her father, or anyone here, says to the contrary.
I'm not sure, sozobe, that we differ that much on our thinking, we are just looking at this from different angles. We do agree that Gracie should find a way of communicating with her father and working things out with him. And that's probably going to involve some compromises on Gracie's part.
Someone should also advise Gracie that 15 year old boys can be very fickle and their attractions to particular girls can often come and go quite quickly. There's been a lot of talk in this thread about a 15 year old boy's raging hormones and sex drive. While that's true, it's also important to remember that a 13 year old girl, who is emotionally caught up in "a relationship", particularly her first "relationship", can feel quite rejected or heartbroken if that 15 year old boyfriend suddenly looks at another girl and dumps her for that other girl. That's tough to handle at any age, but, at 13, it can be even tougher, which is also why it might be better to wait a year or two before getting involved in that sort of relationship. Gracie's dad might be aware of that too.
But thats not true. 
