I don't think I'm in a rush to be in a relationship, firefly. I think its more like, I'm excited and I'm happy to be in one. Do you know how much it sucks when all your friends are dating and all they talk about is their boyfriends and going out together and you're the only one, out of ALL of your friends who doesnt have a boyfriend? Now with Collin, I fit in more and it feels good to know that someone likes me and wants me to be their girlfriend.
Gracie, I absolutely understand what you are saying, and I do understand your feelings. You want to fit in with the other girls, and you want to feel just as attractive and appealing to boys as the other girls are--that's all normal. And Collin, in paying attention to you, and wanting to spend time with you, is making you feel special, and that's normal too.
Social experience, age and all that stuff doesnt matter firefly. All that matters is that I like him and he likes me. I don't care about all that other stuff and he doesnt either.
That's where you're wrong, Gracie. Things like social experience and age do matter--and that's what your father is making such a flap about. If Collin were 13, your father would be less concerned about the nature of the relationship and what was likely to go on between the two of you. Those 2 years make a big difference, both in biological development and social development, and that's especially true for a boy in terms of his sexual development. There is no way around the fact that that age gap matters, in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, at your age, no much how much you choose to deny it. For you to say it just doesn't matter, shows just how immature, and naive, you are being--if you had those two extra years of living under your belt, and you were 15, you would better understand why
the age gap, and the gender gap, matters--for one thing, you would know and understand boys better, and you'd hopefully have more experience socializing with them in groups before pairing off alone with them.
The problem is that the girls you are comparing yourself to, and that you want to emulate and fit in with, are also 2 years older than you are--and they are at a different place in their social development than you are. Just because they are your classmates, or friends, doesn't mean you're entitled to do everything they are allowed to do apart from schoolwork--you are considerably younger than they are, and that's a fact you have to face and learn to live with. Your father isn't being "over protective" he's acting like the average parent of a 13 year old
. Most 13 year old girls are not going on unsupervised dates with boys, let alone boys who are 2 years older than they are, and most 13 year old girls are not not allowed to spend time alone with a particular boyfriend doing "kissing and stuff". So, you're expecting your father to agree to something that most fathers would probably not agree to for a daughter your age. You're the one being unreasonable about that, not your dad.
You are also responding to peer pressure, that's what trying to "fit in" is all about. And you're caving into that peer pressure, whether you realize it or not, and ignoring all words of caution, even from the people here, about what you are doing. That's not so good, Gracie, in terms of what it says about your judgment--your judgment is still very much on a 13 year old level, and that's why your father has to lay down some rules, and insist you go along with them. Just because something "feels good" doesn't mean you should be doing it, particularly at your age. You are less aware of, and less concerned about, consequences, than you will be, even 2 years from now. Your father has to be protective--he has to protect you, or try to protect you, from errors in judgment you might make now, and not even be aware of--that's his job as a parent. You can't call all the shots, and just do what you want, you are not on equal footing with your father. Whether or not you think that's "fair" is beside the point--it's not a situation that's meant to be "fair"--parents have rights, and powers, and legal obligations, that their children don't have. Your independence is limited at this point in your life--and your father has every reason, and right, to impose those limits--even on things that "feel good" to you, or that help you to "fit in" with your older classmates.
You knew your father didn't want you to get involved with dating before Collin began showing an interest in you and kissed you. But, you didn't stop Collin when he tried to kiss you, did you--even though it appears to have happened in school, which makes it even more questionable. Why didn't you stop Collin, and tell him you had to think about what was going on? That's the problem with being 13, Gracie, at your age impulse and emotion can take over and affect judgment. You knowingly got yourself into a situation you knew your father didn't want you in yet. First you defied him, then you tried to convince him, always a bad sequence to follow with dads, Gracie. He'll react to the defiance first, which makes him less likely to listen to your convincing arguments.
Have you told Collin that your father really doesn't want you involved with him as a boyfriend? If Collin is really such a decent kid, he should be somewhat concerned with getting you to do something that your father clearly doesn't want you to do. He shouldn't want to get you into trouble, and he shouldn't want to encourage you to just flaunt your father's authority, not if he's a decent kid who has some respect for his own parents and their authority over him. How much of this situation have you actually discussed with Collin?
Your father isn't just the dad of one 13 year old girl, he's the father of two of them. That's why I asked you where your twin sister stands on the whole issue of dating and boyfriends. Whatever rules your dad lays down for you, he lays down for her too, right? Do the three of you sit down together to discuss this whole issue? When does your father feel you will both be old enough to date and pair off with boyfriends?
This isn't about taking sides, Gracie. I understand your side and I fully appreciate your feelings. I was once a 13 year old girl, and I had those feelings too. But I can understand the adult, and parental, perspective on this much better than you can, partly because I'm not as emotionally involved in the situation as you are, and, obviously, because I am also an adult and I can understand your father's feelings as well. So, whatever I say to you, takes both sides into account, and I hope it will broaden your own understanding, even a little.