So my sister is getting married, but...

@squinney,

squinney wrote:

Well, the wedding is off. She called this morning. Very sad.

Some of the things she said (thanks for supporting me, I know I had to learn it on my own, etc) made me think she had seen this thread.

I'm sad for her, but somewhat relieved. She deserves someone that loves her.

Thanks everyone for your advice. You really helped.

Oh Squinney.

I do hope the decision "sticks".

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Squinney))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

1 Reply

@dlowan,

David, you can order from Chef's:
http://www.ilovechefs.com/products.php?detail=1

I suspect with their portion sizes I'd have dinner for 3 weeks. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

And -- this guy -- she is showing that she's open to him, and that the drama works, at least a little bit. This is so not going down the right path.

1 Reply

I think some of you are going a little overboard now. To me he merely sounds persistant, like a man who was planning on getting married and not ready to let go of that plan just yet. He came to her job? Very dramatic but big deal. He's wearing the ring? More drama 101 but it's just a move to convince her of his devotion is all.

Now, if he continues to show up at her job and starts to cause real trouble, then she's got another kind of situation on her hands and maybe a restraining order might be called for but this guy sounds like an asshole drama queen, that's all, trying to get his woman back.

0 Replies

@jespah,

jespah wrote:

Quote:
David, you can order from Chef's:
http://www.ilovechefs.com/products.php?detail=1

I suspect with their portion sizes I'd have dinner for 3 weeks.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Sadly, Jespah,
that is limited to their jarred pasta sauce.
I called them and confirmed.
The girl who answered checked with her manager.

I requested them to OPEN A CHEF 's RESTAURANT in the city.
She promised to tell the manager.
I told them that when I was there, too ( in vain ).
Thanks for the thought.

Quote:

And -- this guy -- she is showing that she's open to him,
and that the drama works, at least a little bit.
This is so not going down the right path.

Words r inadequate to express how strongly I agree
with what u said.

Part of human life is witnessing very distressing things
that we r powerless to improve; its frustrating.

I hope that Squinney will be eloquently persuasive.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

re sis and the drama... my response to the previous few posts:

Yes, he was demonstrating his devotion and commitment to her which, if taken as an isolated incident, is not all that troublesome. That's the problem with isolated incidents. Taken alone they don't paint a very clear picture. Taken in total, the picture is a different thing altogether.

I agree with eoe that showing up at her workplace in drag (ok, kidding) isn't all that alarming on it's own. But I definitely agree with buttrflynet that a puzzle is a sum of it's parts and the "just make sure..." warning is apropos.

As to a restraining order... there's nothing here yet that would result in a restraining order even if she wanted one, which I'm assuming she doesn't. One simply doesn't march into a courthouse and demand a restraining order. There are definitive criteria that need to be met in getting even a temporary restraining order, be it from a domestic violence (not here) or civil harassment (not yet) standpoint. The problem with throwing out "get a restraining order" or "take it to the authorities" is that that only becomes an outlet AFTER an unlawful act has been committed.

Those who prey on the good nature or fear of others know precisely what they are doing. I don't know the potential BIL in any way, shape, or manner but taking a collection of isolated incidents into an overall perspective is not a bad thing.

1 Reply

@JPB,

Quote:

One simply doesn't march into a courthouse and demand a restraining order. There are definitive criteria that need to be met in getting even a temporary restraining order, be it from a domestic violence (not here) or civil harassment (not yet) standpoint. The problem with throwing out "get a restraining order" or "take it to the authorities" is that that only becomes an outlet AFTER an unlawful act has been committed.

In retrospect, I agree. I think that I was "jumping the gun". Reconsidering, I believe that she needs to tell the guy, in no uncertain terms, not to call her, or show up at her work. Most bosses do not appreciate this kind of drama in the office. Once is a pain in the neck, but if he continues, it is stalking, which IS a crime, and she then would be wise to get a restraining order.

I believe that I reacted the way that I did was because of the other things that he was doing. I think that in my mind, I have an expectation that there will be more incidents.

0 Replies

this guy has a history of violent behavior... he has talked to seth cub about how to kill someone and get away with it... how it feels to put a bullet in an animals body....this guy is not wrapped tight.

4 Replies

@Bi-Polar Bear,

Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

this guy has a history of violent behavior... he has talked to seth cub about how to kill someone and get away with it... how it feels to put a bullet in an animals body....this guy is not wrapped tight.

No.

0 Replies

Well... not exactly a history. He talks like that, but I've not known him to actually be physical.

There's the incident with her finally getting a job working at a diner and him sayin for two or three weeks that he wanted her to be home when he got home from work so after a few weeks she quit. There's the incident when they were out to dinner and she smiled and said hello to a guy passing their table that made eye contact and that was followed by fifty questions about why she spoke to him and why she shouldn't have. There's the incident where a neighbors cat got on his truck and he shot it - wounded, I think, not killed. That kinda crap.

Hawkeye, I agree that this may be what she (unknowingly) is drawn to for whatever reason. I know where you are coming from with that. I'm hoping she'll figure all that out, perhaps with some assistance.

1 Reply

@Bi-Polar Bear,

Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

this guy has a history of violent behavior...
he has talked to seth cub about how to kill someone and get away with it...
how it feels to put a bullet in an animals body....this guy is not wrapped tight.

I can see that u r thinking clearly
and I know that u understand the potential evolutions
of this situation that u will keep well in hand

0 Replies

@squinney,

Squinney, the more I read about his history makes me think that you should investigate whether there are women's protection groups in your area. They help women escape abusive men in a safe location known only to them. This guy could be dangerous and it's never too late to have an escape plan---just in case. Hopefully, your sister would never have to use the services of such a group but it might be helpful for you to know in advance what is available---just in case.

http://www.sboard.org/SHELTERS/NC.HTM

BBB

1 Reply

@Bi-Polar Bear,

Quote:

this guy has a history of violent behavior... he has talked to seth cub about how to kill someone and get away with it... how it feels to put a bullet in an animals body....this guy is not wrapped tight.

This is getting scarier and scarier. I think that it is no longer a matter of being supportive. It is anticipating the worst, and helping the woman with extricating herself from a possibly dangerous situation.

There is baggage, and there is baggage. Most people come with some, but this guy has a steamer trunk full!

1 Reply

@BumbleBeeBoogie,

I agree with BBB
and it seems to ME
that this is a really good time for her to take a vacation;
maybe New Orleans (good food) Las Vegas or Disneyworld for a while;
alone or with a non-dangerous friend.

David

0 Replies

@Phoenix32890,

Quote:

This is getting scarier and scarier. I think that it is no longer a matter of being supportive. It is anticipating the worst, and helping the woman with extricating herself from a possibly dangerous situation

you can't extract somebody from something that they don't want to be extracted from, to try is to destroy your relationship with them and thus fail to help them for sure.

The best one can do is " this is your life, do what you want, but why do you want this? I want to understand, why?" With self examination may come change, and the call for self examination is cloaked in caring and tolerance so the relationship is not damaged.

0 Replies

I don't have much faith in restraining orders really protecting women from a enraged man.

BBB

1 Reply

I wonder what he 'd think if he saw this thread.

1 Reply

@BumbleBeeBoogie,

BumbleBeeBoogie wrote:

I don't have much faith in restraining orders really protecting women from a enraged man.

BBB

That 's right.

Thay have been known to throw fuel on the fire.

0 Replies

@OmSigDAVID,

Dave, he doesn't strike me as the type that cruises relationship forums.

just saying...

1 Reply

he also told squinney he wouldn't hit her but that didn't mean he wouldn't slap **** out of me or Seth or BPBJr....and that tore it for me. That I assure you is not going to happen.

1 Reply

@Bi-Polar Bear,

I could not even presume to figure what turns people on, but I do know one thing. I would never stand for a man who was violent................with me, or with anyone else for that matter.

A number of people mentioned that if Squnney interfered with the relationship, she might lose her sister. That may be true, and in most situations, my advice would be to "butt out" and just let the sister know that she has an ear and a shoulder. In this particular situation, what I am afraid of, is that if someone does not set the sister straight, and keep her out of harm's way, everyone might lose her.

I perceive this whole thing as a matter of safety.

Is Brooke around? Too bad that there are no pms. I would love to see her "take" on this matter.

1 Reply

So my sister is getting married, but...

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know