I demand a shrubbery!

and picked out some extra groovy threads!

Oh, dear me. Craven has misread the signs and portents. Turns out he is a DOG, not a god. It's that dyslexic thing of his.

Suddenly, everything makes sense...

the chasing of rabbits,
the whimpering for attention,
the loud barking,
the fascination with shrubbery and statues...

If Eva doesn't get smited for that, she must be right.

...the unreasonable hatred of cats...

by gum, I think you've got it, Eva.

A dog and his shrubbery.

There's only one thing to do.

Get out the hose and SPRAY the dang thing.

Sheesh . I thought everybody knew that.

my wife won't let me give you our first born, but i do have a few spare gobstoppers if you'd like?

Dear Mrs. gadgetaddict:

It has recently come to our attention that you have refused to honor your half of the bargain, to wit, the offering of your first born. A counteroffer of gobstoppers was made by your husband, who I presume is acting as your agent.

This office needs to know: are they everlasting gobstoppers? And which flavor(s)? This information is vital before we can consider your counterproposal.

Please send all responses to:
jespah
Brighton, MA 02135

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Law Office of jespah, representing the deity and/or canine Craven de Kere

Woof!

I am so not a DOG!!!

I shall smite her!

"don't worry, he's a cookin'somethin'up"

in dyslexic, that translates to: "I shall etims her!"
Now Canine Craven, that's just silly. Now sit and behave. Woof!

Maybe "times" her. Like, multiply. A bunch of Evas. Cool!

Dear God,

I bought some floppies and my computer knoweth them not, nor may I perform any operations backingeth up my worketh.

Can you fix it please, oh almighty one?

Oh, and while you are there - can you smiteth my boss? Not Helen, the nice one, but the mean bloke - thou shall knoweth him by his dreary clothing, the baggeth under his eyeth and his thiin lips.

Hmmmm - and I petitioneth thee about the droughts and AIDS epidemics in Africa - for they maketh thy people to hunger and be orphans and other awful things.

Could you, like, hurry up?

Oh, here's some nice incense for you - and a case of beer.

An ill wind doth blow across the breadth of the A2K board.

The lovely Eva, who hath maidenly countenance at present, shall have her avatar done in the way of that chap whose picture became decrepit....Dorian Grey.

god shall give Eva's avatar the hives--as only he can....

So saith I, who attests to seeing this vision of things to come on the isle of Bermuda.

Who is this 'Craven' anyhow? Is this someone I should know?

That's Bahamas, Sofia, not Bermuda.

The Mighty Dog, Craven, is actually upset at me because I wouldn't allow him to hump my leg.

Down, boy!!!

Verily.

A--HA! You have been smited with a most vile scourge!!!

(And I say I saw my vision of these things which have come to pass on the isle of Bermuda!)

She bears the mark of the pagan.

That is a cheap-ass looking pox if I say so myself, and I do.

God appears to have turned into an Easter Island statue thingy.

There is no visible cleft.

Can you hurry up with Africa, please, god?

I believeth he is most lazy dog...er god.