I demand a shrubbery!

Recently it has been come to my attention that I am a diety.

Now don't get me wrong, it came as a surprise to me. I was operating under the asumption that I was human. I had human fallacies in heaps and loads and while they did not necessarily preclude that I am a god they did seem to point in the direction of me being human.

Turns out I had the whole thing ass backwards, I was reading too much into the whole erring-as-a-human thing. As luck would have it those foibles are really just eccentricities inherent to such a potent diety of my magnitude.

So when some of my arch-angels (they can't be seen and felt but myself and a few others down at the local watering hole are willing to testify that they speak to us with alarming regularity) sat me down for a pow-wow and told me all about how I had actually created this human race I thought I was a part of you can imagine my incredulity. I was flabbergasted!

Anywho, there are of course doubters as the great keg predicted there would be. Some doubt my diety and consider my flatulence and other bodily functions indicative of me having a human body. I just look them in the eye and say, "Yea, verily I doth look like I haveth a human body", this goes down well with the local yokels, even though my "godspeak" is kinda rusty.

I go on to tell them that I do indeed inhabit a human body, "the better to interact with humans" I say. I get a couple of odd glances when people nitice I dropped the "godpeak". A couple went so far as to say that my slurred speech suggested a less godlike cause to my newfound diety.

I am quick to point out that even though I am drunk and have been prone to odd proclamations about my existence (the absoute worst was when I declared I was a barstool, i have always regreted that one) my drunkeness is simply indicative of my penchant to enjoy sin for a season. I'm just enjoying this wonderful human body I created. It is in NO WAY conclusive proof that I am not a god in a human body interacting with mortals.

I know there are doubters out there. Please refrain from doubt. If you do not belive in my sheer bigness you should at least keep an open mind about the issue.

Because like I said, there is no conclusive evidence that I am not a god. Trapped in this pitiful human body....

To my believers: I demand a shrubbery!