Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a condom?'

Donald frowned and said, 'No.'

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.
'Maybe they sell them at the front desk,' she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.

'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled one out fromunder the counter and gave it to Donald.

The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put that on your bill?

'No!' Donald quacked, 'What kind of a pervert do you think I am?'

yay, I thought this thread had disappeared with the a2k makeover. glad to see bad taste is still timeless.

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

'Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.'

'But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead?'

'Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business. You gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos'...

'Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then....... pointa to your watch and say 'Times up'!???'

A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her
Stammerers Action group. She had tried every technique in the book
without the slightest success. Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said
'If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born,
without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until
your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first ?'

The Englishman piped up. 'B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham', he said.

'That's no use, Trevor' said the speech therapist, 'Who's next ?'

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out 'P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley'.

'That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish. How
about you, Paddy ?'

The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out ' London '.

'Brilliant, Paddy' said the speech therapist and immediately set about
living up to her promise.

After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for
breath and Paddy said '-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry'.

Q: what's bright eyed and bushy tailed?






A: a squirrel on crack...

He's got a point.

What's blue and smells like red paint?





(wait, it's coming...)






Blue paint

As long as it's the season.............

What's black and goes "Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho,!"?









....a pimp taking inventory.

Two flies are sitting on a pile of dung, one farts and the other cries out indignantly: Do you mind? I'm trying to eat.

whats long, brown and sticky.




A stick

penguin goes into a pub hops up on the bar and says to the barman, has my dad been in tonight? the barman says I dont know him what does he look like

a duck goes in a pub and hops up onto the bar and says to the barman

got any bread?
barman says we don't sell bread
duck says, got any bread?
barman says I just told you we don't sell bread
duck says got any bread?
barman says WE DON'T SELL FECKIN BREAD and if you ask me again I'll nail your feckin feet to the bar
duck says have you got any nails?
barman says no
duck says have you got any bread then?

An American, German, and a Slovak get captured by canibals after their plane crashed into the ocean and everyone else died.
They are rounded up by the tribe and the chief tells them:

- According to our tradition, you will be given two days to save your life. I will give you these two small glass balls each and if you can do something I have never seen before with them, your life will be spared. Otherwise, we will eat you.

With that, they walk each of them to a tent and leave them there. Two days later, the chief goes to the American. The American has taught the balls to levitate. Wherever he moves, they fly behind him.

-I've seen this a million times!

And they cook him and eat him for lunch.

Then he goes to the German's tent. The balls are jumping up and down, powering a crude clock.

- This is old. And boring!

And they roast him on fire and eat him for dinner.

The the chief then goes to the Slovak's tent. In a few seconds, he runs out screaming:

- I have NEVER seen such thing! He broke one ball and lost the other one!!!

What's black or white, or yellow, or brown or red and goes ho, ho, ho, ho, h0?

A pimp taking inventory

Guy walks into a bar ...








... and says "OW!"
(Yep, it's really bad!)

That's just a new version of the old blonde joke:
Two blondes walk into the Empire State Building.






Well, you'd think one of them would've seen it.

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.

For $100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tiptoe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Corvette I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your season football tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?

The cabby replies, 'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold.'

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word
'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm,
and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
'fascinate, not fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I
was fascinated.'
The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use
the word 'fascinate.'

Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word
'fascinate', so she called on him.

Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits
are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.