Final word in Creation vs Evolution debate.
A little girl asked her mother: "How did the human race begin?"
The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question: "How did the human race begin?"
The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human
race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said: "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered: "Well, dear, it is very simple.
I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
onyxelle wrote:jeremiah wright
Is he the joke or was he the author or teller of the previous joke?
KFC & The Church
One day KFC went to the Pope with a proposition.
They offered him $10,000 to change the Lord's Prayer from
"Give us this day, our daily bread." to
"Give us this day, our daily chicken"
The Pope said no as the Lord's Prayer is sacred and it would be outrageous to change it.
So the next day KFC came to him with an offer of $50,000 to change the Lord's Prayer from
"Give us this day, our daily bread." to
"Give us this day, our daily chicken"
Again, the Pope said no.
So, after a meeting with the directors at KFC, they finally offered the Pope $1,000,000 to change the Lord's Prayer from
"Give us this day, our daily bread." to
"Give us this day, our daily chicken"
The Pope thought about it and eventually came to the conclusion that that amount of money could help the church alot. So he agreed.
The next day, the Pope called a meeting with all his cardinals and bishops. He said:
"Okay, I have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is, we have a new deal with KFC.
The bad news is we've lost the deal with Hovis."
there were these 3 guys that were gonna have sex in the same night.
one guy was black, the other was white, the last one was an eskimo.
after that night, the black guy asked the white guy: how many times did u have sex with ur wife? he answered: three times. then the black guy laughed and said: i had sex with my wife six times! then the black guy asked the eskimo: how many times did u have sex with your wife? then the eskimo answered: once. the black guy laughed even harder. then he asked: what did she say in the morning? the eskimo answered: DON'T STOP!
> > The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in
October 1995, between a US Navy ship and the British authorities off the north
coast of Scotland.
> > The transcript was released by the MoD on the 10/10/95
> >
> > BRITISH:
> > Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.
> >
> >
> > US NAVY:
> > Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to avoid
collision .
> >
> >
> > BRITISH:
> > Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the
South to avoid collision
> >
> >
> > US NAVY:
> > This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
> >
> >
> > BRITISH:
> > Negative. I say again: divert your course.
> >
> >
> > US NAVY:
> > THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER 'USS LINCOLN', THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP
IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS,
THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE
15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE
UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
> >
> >
> > BRITISH:
> > We are a lighthouse. **** off.
Steve 41oo wrote:Funny Clary
really true?
If it isnt... i wish it was.
unfortunately dp
if it were true, we would have shifted the lighthouse to comply with their request.
bad joke
what kind of biscuit flys?
a plain one
What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it drops out of a tree, it'll kill you?
--A pool table.
Sglass wrote:Ouch thatz bad
Ya think
that's bad? How 'bout this one --
What has four legs, fur and goes tick-tock?
A watch dog.
Not to mention -
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Prepare now for the Beijing Olympics
That's not right! Sum Ting Wong
Are you harbouring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP ; Kum Hia Nao
Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table! Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift! Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here! Wai So Dim
I thought you were on a diet! Wai Yu Mun Ching
This is a tow away zone! No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week! Wai Yu Kum Nao
Staying out of sight Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile Wa Shing Ka
What do you get when you squeeze a synagogue? ...
Jew-s
(moan groan)
rap
yo motha fucka so u think you bad
u need to get a motha fuckin writin pad
take notes cause im about to destroy you
and this **** here is way over due
homie this **** here is my life
ima open this up like a switch blade knife
i hope you will learn somethin today
i leave people in disarray
this **** right here is unfair
im so gifted and my talent is very rare
you never seen this **** so clean
to measure the damage on u, we will need a machine
cause its just sad all this **** im doin to u
battelin me is somethin like taboo
cause i will massacre you just like jason or freddy
im comin at ya and i dont care if your ready
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The Monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car.
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before, the man believes it is the most beautiful sound on earth.
The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind.
He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.
The next morning, he asks the Monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a Monk."
Distraught, the man is forced to leave.
Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.
The Monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a Monk."
The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a Monk, then please, make me a Monk."
The Monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a Monk."
The man sets about his task.
After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A Monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the Monks.
"In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for:
By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."
The Monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a Monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."
The Monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."
The Monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.
Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The Monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."
The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!
With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound......
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But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a Monk
