A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked. “What’s your Business at this convention?"
“Lecturer." She responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
“Really?” He said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well.” She explained. “One popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. "I’m Sorry." She said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."
"Tonto." The man said. "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba." ...........
I tell you what. The cure for premature ejaculation can't come quickly enough.
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
For example:
- Jane ate her friend's sandwich.
- Jane ate her friend's colon.
A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. “There must be some mistake,” the lawyer argues. “I’m too young to die. I’m only 55.” “Fifty-five?” says Saint Peter. “No, according to our calculations, you’re 82.” “How’d you get that?” the lawyer asks.
St. Peter replies: “We added up your time sheets
A handsome man went into a hotel and asked to see the manager.
When the manager came out the man said, “Is room 39 empty?”
Manager: Yes, sir.
Man: Can I book it?
Manager: Of course you can.
Man: Thank you.
Before going to the room the man asked the manager to provide him with a black knife, a 15” white thread and a 2 1/2” orange.
The manager sent an employee to get these things and had to restrain himself from asking why.
When the employee returned with the requested items the man took them and went into his room.
Unfortunately for the manager his room was next to room 39.
After midnight, he heard strange noises in that room – wild animal voices along with utensils and dishes being thrown to the floor.
He didn't sleep that night wondering what could be the source of the noises.
In the morning, when the client handed the keys to the manager
the manager asked to see the room. He went to the room and found everything alright.
Nothing unusual. He even found the thread, the black knife and the orange on the table.
The client paid the bill, gave the bellboy a very good tip and left the hotel smiling.
One year later the client showed up again and asked for the manager.
The client asked for the same things: room 39, black knife, a 15” white thread and a 2 1/ 2”orange.
This time the manager was determined to find out what was going on by any means possible.
After midnight, the same voices and noises started, this time louder and more indecipherable than the year before.
Again, before leaving, the client paid his bill and left a large tip on the table for the bellboy.
The smile didn't leave his face.
The following year on the first day of March the same client showed up, wanting to book the same room and have the same things as before.
The manager again heard the same noises, this time louder than before.
In the morning, when the client was leaving the hotel, the manager apologized and asked to know the secret behind the noises in the room.
“If I tell you the secret, do you promise to never reveal it to anyone else?'' the man replied.
“I promise I will never let anyone know,” the manager said solemnly.
“Swear,” the client demanded.
“I swear I won't reveal your secret,” promised the manager.
So, finally, the client revealed his secret to the manager.
The manager – an honest, sincere person – until now he hasn't revealed his secret to anyone, but if he does I’ll let you know.
@Region Philbis,
The title DOES say "Really bad jokes"!
@Wilso,
it wasn't bad, it was cruel... downright cruel
!
@Wilso,
You'd think after the first year the guy would book the room in advance.
Obviously my work here is done........
or is it?????
I sat next to a baby for a 10 hour flight. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to scream for 10 hours straight.
Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.
I asked a friend of mine if he drives his DeLorean regularly.
He told me he just drives it from time to time.
My earliest clear childhood memory was going with my parents to the eye doctor.
Everything before that was a blur.
Thing's I have in common with Victoria's secret models:
1. I'm always hungry.
