A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club.
One day she goes up and knocks on a biker's door. A big, hairy and
bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers.
She proclaims, I want to join your club.
The guy was quite amused, but explains that she needs to meet certain
biker requirements in order to join the club. The biker asks: Do you
have a motorcycle?
The little old lady replies, Yep, my bike's parked over there, and
pointed to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks, Do you drink?
The little old lady replies, Yep, drink like a fish... beer mostly, whiskey when I'm shooting pool. I'll drink everyone in your club under the table.
The biker is surprised but then asks, Do you smoke?
The little old lady replies, Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least 2 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day, and cigars when I'm drinking whiskey and shooting pool.
The biker is very impressed and asks, Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz...?
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, Nope, but I've been
swung around by my nipples a few times...
0 Replies
hingehead
5
Reply
Sun 14 Dec, 2014 05:42 pm
0 Replies
vonny
3
Reply
Mon 15 Dec, 2014 02:52 pm
Confused Christmas Christmas Carols For The Psychiatrically Challenged -
SCHIZOPHRENIA -
Do You Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY -
We Three Queens Disoriented Are.
DEMENTIA -
I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.
NARCISSISTIC -
Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
MANIA -
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and
Office and Town ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!
PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER -
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell
you why.
DEPRESSION -
Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty lonely.
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE -
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell...
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY -
Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE -
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it
all away)
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'
The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ......
I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.... So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town, cowboy..
'
'And here I am.'
Cowboys are the only people that think cows are smart. That's how you can spot the real ones.
0 Replies
carloslebaron
0
Reply
Tue 16 Dec, 2014 10:48 pm
CHRISTMAS JOKE BASED IN A TRUE EVENT.
This is a crazy family living in a small house. The living room was divided in two parts to make the dinning room separated by a curtain road.
The family was known in the neighborhood by being crazy, all of them. Lots of stories were told about them, which identified them as nuts.
It was a Christmas season and they had their Christmas tree in the living room. The lights were the old ones with mini socket where the light bulbs were easy to be replaced as the regular light bulbs.
They used to close the curtain every time they have dinner.
The younger of the brothers was 8 years old.
I was in love with one of the girls and I was invited to have dinner with them. When we were in the middle of the table conversation, we heard a dry scream coming from the living room, followed by a sound similar to when a box of magazines hit the floor. As silence followed the weird noise, no one cared much to check what happened on the other side of the curtain.
A few seconds later, the little 8 years boy came crawling under the curtain with serious symptoms of having a big breathing trouble.
Immediately everybody run to assist him and when the curtain was opened, we felt the ozone smell, a characteristic when the electric power has been compromised by something that was not insulated.
We found out that the young brother tried to replace a light bulb, and by chances he put one of his fingers inside the electric socket and the electric power shock him hard.
While he was in the arms of his mother, everybody tried to give an opinion of how to make him feel better, like giving him more free space, check his temperature, check his eyes, and so forth.
The father just arrived to the house and he asked me what happened. I told him that his son tried to change the light bulb and that he got electrocuted.
At that moment, one in the group suggested to give him water.
The father jumped in terror.
-NO! don't even think in giving him water!!!
-Why? -the mother asked him- while rubbing the head of the minor
-Because he might short circuit! -said the father.
As a master electrician yourself, would you say there could have indeed been a chance the boy could have shorted if they had given him water? Would it have happened if he drank the water as opposed to making a puddle on the ground, and standing in it in his bare feet?
If that happened, would someone touching him, like his mother, receive a shock?
He could have been like Electro Boy and used his super powers for either good or evil.
Boy, that would have made some story, huh?
In any event, I'll bet he never put his finger in a ******* socket again.
