Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

A guy walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo was a single dog. It was a shitzu.

A guy notices a small pimple-like bump in the middle of his forehead. Two weeks pass, and he notices that rather than getting smaller, it is a little bigger, and so he decides to see the doctor. After careful examination and a few tests, the doctor tells him that the little bump is a penis, and that in a year, it will be full sized. The guy is stunned, and he says to the doctor, "You mean I'm going to have to look at this thing hanging there for the rest of my life?"

The doctor says, "Probably not. When the balls come in, the'll be hanging over your eyes."

This made me think of the chestnuts joke. I am not giving in to the temptation.

This is bad on a couple of levels, but worth it.

Sid Snot tells the sex starved gorilla joke.....

Things got really bad when I stole a seabird from the zoo so I could buy sausages for my family.
*looks straight at the camera*
That's when I took a tern for the wurst.

Old Ogden Nash line -- "When I throw rocks at shore birds, I don't leave a tern unstoned."

How do you describe a pessimistic German vegetarian?

One who fears the wurst.

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.

She answers "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
1. You have to be Single and
2. You must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, Yes, I'm single and Catholic!

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child" says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party."

Ouch.

Late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in North Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He
went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold." the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again, "Does it
still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's
going to be a very cold winter."

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is
going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen."

"How can you be so sure?" the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting a shitload of
firewood."

That's the kind of joke I live and laugh for.
Thanks bud.

Love that one.

Ghandi was a traveller, and through his travels, he had developed large callouses on his feet. Also, due to the weather that he was often in, he was not very sturdy, and had a thin body. On top of all this, Ghandi suffered from bad breath since his diet was very poor.

He was a Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed by Halitosis

Grooooaaaan!

*Wife - "Where the heck have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by
noon!"Husband - "I'm so sorry Honey...but you probably don't want to hear
the reason." Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!" Husband - "Fine.
We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the clubhouse, I hopped in the
car, and would have been here at 12 on the button. On the way home, I
spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a
jiffy, and next she's offering me money. Of course I refuse it - Then she
tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so
she can buy me a beer. She's such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it
- one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good
to each other. Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than
50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me
by the hand. Now I'm in her room....clothes are flying ......the talking
stopped....and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable.It must
have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30. I
jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am. There. You
wanted the truth....you got it." Wife - "Bullshit. You played 36 holes,
didn't you!"*

Why do I like that one so much?

Search me.