Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

And a clock that's stopped is still right twice a day.

That story reminded me of my dear Grandma when she would have a glass of blackberry brandy at Christmas.

She'd start to reminisce about her small village of Kruschiki (which she hadn't seen since she was 13) and attempt to teach Polish harvest songs to us grandkids.

"Oh what fun we would be havink zingink the zongs (hic)!" she'd exclaim. Here are the verds in Americavink for you kidz!

Lima beans!
Squash!
Potatoes and Turnips!
All in one big pot!

Then little Tadeusz would stick his finger in a light socket. Wait, we didn't have electricity.

Want another glass Grandma?

That's funny.

That's truth.

That's the brand she drank too.

I don't doubt it for a minute. My parents grew up in Baltimore after the Great War. By the time I was a teenagers most of my friends had grandparents who spoke broken English. So many Eastern Europeans came to Baltimore for work. The ports were thriving, there were plenty of manufacturing jobs and it was an attractive destination for immigrants. My parents attended school with many first generation Americans, and the neighborhoods were extremely diverse. If you were lucky enough to have a German, Italian, Greek or polish grandmothers meant your friends could feast on authentic foods. The weddings were splendiferous. I don't mean lavish like those nightmares wedding planners cook up. The food, the music, the people, it was very rich. I loved it, but as kids we would share the accents and foibles of our grandparents, not to mock them because we truly enjoyed the differences. Most of us understood Yiddish, and incorporated many phrases into our daily lives.

But that was years ago, before young people across the US started to talk like Valley Girls, ended every sentence as if it were a question, and grew up thinking McDonalds was fine cuisine. My local paper reviews chain restaurants, it drives us crazy.

Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

Oh yeah. I'm not mocking my grandmother in any way. I loved her very much. She lived next door to us and I saw her every single day.

As far as her English, I don't know why she never got rid of any of her accent, as she lived to be 80 plus, and came to america when she was 13.

She said she learned to speak English by reading the Maggie and Jiggs comic stripe.

I know the 2nd thing she learned to read was the Wall Street Journal.

That one was wonderful..

No

What if they threw him in a swimming pool?

I bet she also read the Katzenjammer Kids.

Whats 9+10?

21

Hard to answer that one.

Still, something humorous happened with an electrician working for the utility company in my area.

An accident occurred and the minivan lost control and hit hard an electric pole. The cables broke out at the top and were hanging producing sparks for a while to later be kept in calm.

Police arrived, the ambulance arrived, and after taking away the injured, the people still was making a circle around the hanging wires. They were in need of being cut off to move out the minivan.

The electricians arrived.

The dude who took the job to cut off the cables -which were two sticking together at that moment and another one alone a little apart-,took his pliers and gave a look around before cutting the cables. He noticed that everybody showed an afraid face to those hanging cables. He went to his truck and brought one of those cutting pliers with long arms. He put on his gloves.

He, smiling and full of pride, said, "what, what do you scare about?" and instead of looking at the cables, he continued looking at the people around while he was cutting the cables with his long pliers.

A dry sound was heard.

After that, everybody started to laugh.

And the laughs were harder when the electrician finally gave a look to the cables which were hanging the same, and noticed with a sudden shock that the pliers head was gone.

The cables were still alive and he didn't notice that two cables of different phases were jointed together.

He lost his pliers, but the people enjoyed having a good time after the minivan accident.

Unless he was holding a live wire at the time - nothing

@chai2

I told you that your question was hard to answer because it will depend on how much Clorox you put in the swimming pool.

I know about it, I have my NEC book.

Booooooooooooo!

Heehee...

I bought a new thesaurus today.

It's nothing to write house about.