Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Odd thing to fantasise about hinge.

That is not a bad joke, it's a good joke.

Joe(still laughing)Nation

You need outliers for comparison.

One morning, a mama cow and her three baby cows were out grazing in the field.

The first baby cow comes up to the mama cow and says, "Mama, why is my name Daisy?" And the mama cow said, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a daisy fell on your head." And the first baby cow trotted off, satisfied.

The next day, they were all out in the field again. The second baby cow came up to the mama cow and said, "Mama, why is my name Tulip?" "Well, honey, when you were born a tulip fell on your head." And the baby cow was happy with that answer and continued grazing.

The next day, they all went out into the field again to graze. The third baby cow came up to the mama cow and said, "GLUPHABABABLUGHARDTHYPOGHHH!!!" And the mama cow said, "SHUT UP BRICK!!!"

what do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean Beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef

What do you call a masturbating bull?
Beef strokinoff

What's a cows favorite band?

Mootley Crue

no can watch... it says

Ah, revenge for all the daily show clips I can't watch.

KHAAAN! KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

An oldie that just resurfaced on google+

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators...

Another one resurfaced...

A man walks in to a bar and orders a drink. He looks down the bar and sees another piss drunk man keep falling off his stool.
The man finishes his drink watching the other man try to get back up on the stool. Feeling sorry for the drunk, the man tries to stand him up, but the drunk keeps falling.
The man thinks that this drunk needs to be taken home, so he finds his address in his wallet. On the way to his car, the man had to practically carry the drunk man.
After finally finding his house, the man carries the drunk man to the front door.
He rings the doorbell and a lady answers. "Ma'am, your husband is drunk, so I decided to give him a lift home."
The woman replies, "Thank you sir, but I have one question...Where's his wheelchair?"

. Pretty bad kudos!

Bad kudos are better than none...

baaaaaaaaaaaaad

I was told that these are from the Pun-off in Austin, TX.




1. The fattest knight at
King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He
acquired his size from
too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an
eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be
an optical Aleutian

3. She was only a
whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber-band pistol was
confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a
weapon of math
disruption.

5. No matter how much you
push the envelope,
it'll still be
stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to
puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7 A bomb thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8.Two silk worms had a race. They ended in a tie.

10.Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16.The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17.A backward poet writes inverse.

18.In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22.Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

23.Two eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25.Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal?His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.Who was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

These are not really jokes, but i didn't know where else to put this: