Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

If we couldn't post a joke because it might upset some-one this would have been a very short thread.
There is a line between funny and offensive, and most people know where it is, and Vonny's joke didn't go anywhere near it.
BTW I am blonde, and blonde jokes don't upset me one bit because I realise they are just that - jokes.

I agree that stereotypes often make for funny jokes and the fun sorts of redeems or justifies the stereotype. I just miss any reason why the Brit would have not only spared himself the punishment at the expense of the French but even aggravated that punishment. What stereotype if being laughed at exactly here? That the Brits tend to be mean in the most gratuitous manner to their friends?...

You'd need some reason for his response. Like if the German (or whoever) asked for a pillow and the French (or whoever) said: 'Unlike the Germans, we French are courageous so I'm not going to ask for a pillow'. Then the Brit would say: 'I'll have the courageous man tied to my back...' That would make better sense and would poke fun at the Frenchs' supposed bravado.

Anyway, no big deal.

Huh?

This ventriloquist is entertaining in a little club, and he is using his dummy to tell blonde jokes. Finally a woman in the crowd stands up to object . . .

I'm sick of these blonde jokes--they're not funny and they're not true. I'm a blonde, and i have a university degree and a high paying job.

The ventriloquist responds . . .

Hey, lady, they're just jokes. No offense intended.

You shut up, i was taking to that midget on your knee.

Hmmmm . . . maybe i should have found a way to work several nationalities into that joke . . .

This disabled, elderly Limey woman walks into a bar. The bartender says: "Hey, what is this, some kind of joke?"

Was she blonde?

I don't know, you 'd have to ask Vonny.

No it wouldn't. If you had a sense of humour you'd know that.

I think someone has run out of cheese.

And it has to be Rabelaisian.

Not always. Michael McIntyre manages to do alright.

>>>>>> A LADY WALKS INTO TIFFANY'S, SHE LOOKS AROUND, SPOTS A BEAUTIFUL DIAMOND BRACELET AND WALKS OVER TO INSPECT IT...

AS SHE BENDS OVER TO LOOK MORE CLOSELY, SHE UNEXPECTEDLY FARTS... VERY EMBARRASSED, SHE LOOKS AROUND NERVOUSLY TO SEE IF ANYONE NOTICED HER LITTLE WOOPS AND PRAYS THAT A SALESPERSON WAS NOT ANYWHERE NEAR...

AS SHE TURNS AROUND, HER WORST NIGHTMARE MATERIALIZES IN THE FORM OF A SALESMAN STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HER...GOOD LOOKING AS WELL ..COOL AS A CUCUMBER, HE DISPLAYS ALL OF THE QUALITIES ONE WOULD EXPECT OF A
PROFESSIONAL IN A STORE LIKE TIFFANY'S...

HE POLITELY GREETS THE LADY WITH, 'GOOD DAY, MADAM .. HOW MAY WE HELP YOU TODAY???

BLUSHING AND UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT STILL HOPING THAT THE SALESMAN SOMEHOW MISSED HER LITTLE 'INCIDENT', SHE ASKS, 'SIR, WHAT IS THE PRICE OF THIS LOVELY BRACELET ??'

> >>>HE ANSWERS, "MADAM .. IF YOU FARTED JUST LOOKING AT IT - YOU'RE GOING TO **** WHEN I TELL YOU THE PRICE .."

This little argle bargle is so unnecessary
.
Americans love Blonde jokes.
The English think self-deprecating humour is the tits.(I happen to agree)

I don't care for jokes that skewer nationalities so when I saw the whipping joke I didn't give it a thumbs up, I just scrolled away.

What's so hard about that?

Nothing, I just took Ollie's side over something.

Five guys are talking about happiness: a Brit, a French, an Italian, an American and a Russian.

The Brit says: "happiness... By Jove that's rather simple. Sitting by a nice little fire with a whisky in hand and watching a Benny Hill show on the telly... That's pure joy."

The American says: "No no no, happiness is driving a white Cadillac to your 30 room house, knowing you'll soon be by your pool unwinding after a long day at work. That's happiness."

The French guy interjects: "Rrridiculus! Happiness iz being at ze terrace of a little rrrestaurant wiz a cute girl and a gud Bordeaux in yur glasse! Zat iz le bonheur!"

The Italian says: "Ma noooo! Happinesseh izeh wheneh you visit la Mamma e she cookseh your favoriteh pasta... Hmmmm!"

Then the Russian goes: "Niet, niet niet! Happiness is when you hear someone banging on the door late at night, yelling: KGB! Open at once! You open and the officer asks: Mr Popov? And you reply: err, next door..."

As we are posting old ones, here is another:

- There were these three rich guys standing by the pool of the palace of an Arabian sheikh, an American, a Brit and a French.

The sheikh comes by and tells them, with a heavy accent: you are all handsome, wealthy and well educated men.

So, I'll marry my beautiful daughter to the one of you that brings me more ping pong balls.

So, the guys leave and two weeks later the American lands his Boeing with 2,568,365 ping pong balls.

A week later, the Brit arrives with a huge truck full with 845,734 ping pong balls.

Another week passes till the French arrives by foot, bleeding with a bunch of cuts and bruises.

The sheik asks: what happened to you and where are your ping pong balls?

The French replies, showing two items in his hands: Ping pong? I thought you said King Kong balls!!

I love putting on underwear straight out of the dryer..... It's always so soft and warm, and it's always fun to run around the laundromat afterwards to see who they belong to.