@spendius,
spendius wrote:That's not the best. The best is having first time sex every night.
Not if you're watching telly with your grandma.
Oh Grandma! A dying grandma tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With her last breath, Grandma whispered, "Facebook..."
Two grandmas, Marie & Edith, were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The Edith in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time Edith was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the Marie and said, "Marie! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Marie turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
@vonny,
Two flies were sitting on a cowpie, one farted and the other yelled "Please, I'm trying to eat!"
Two Pakistanis walk into a convenience store. They buy it.
@JLNobody,
Two flies were sitting on a cowpie, one farted and the other yelled "Please, I'm trying to eat!"
A man in his late 70s is at the pub with a mate of his, discussing their respective wives.
‘Mine still thinks she’s a young woman.’
‘If you want to know how young she is, you could try this little trick. When you get home, ask her what’s for dinner from several distances. Start at 30 feet, then 25 feet, then 20, and so on. The sooner she hears you, the younger she is.’
So, an hour later, the man arrives home and shouts, at a distance of about 30 feet from his wife: ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?’
No answer.
He goes a bit closer. ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?’
Still no answer. He goes closer, asks it again, no response.
When he’s finally standing in the doorway of the kitchen, about five feet away from his wife, he yells, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?!’
His wife turns around briskly and says, sounding irritated: ‘I’ve already told you three times now: chicken and mushrooms!’
MY ALL TIME FAVORITE HARD-OF-HEARING JOKE:
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's go have a beer."
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@cicerone imposter,
If what I say is boring to you, ci...you ought really to put me on IGNORE!
How many Russian men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one. Two Russian men screwing is not allowed.
@blueveinedthrobber,
blueveinedthrobber wrote:
???
Don't feed the troll. It might bite the hand that feeds it.
@Frank Apisa,
MY ALL TIME FAVORITE HARD-OF-HEARING JOKE:
Guy walks into a bar and say to friend " Hey, Al, I got a new hearing aid and I didn't pay a thousand bucks like you, I only paid two hundred dollars."
"Yeah?" says Al "What kind is it?"
Guy says "It's about a quarter to five."
Joe(rimshot)Nation
