Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Um, it's the FONDLER who is having the old man on.

Joe(It's a better joke if the fondler is an old lady, but still..... funny)Nation

Abstinence makes the heart grow fondler

Sorry to irritate you...just havin a bit of fun
I changed it slightly so he still doesn't remember his age

If I can't even cope with detail in a paragraph it's no wonder iTunes agreement sends me comatose.

You're a dear a2ker boyyyyy

Losing? It lost whatever humor it had right after about the 2nd post needed to explain a simple dumb joke. Hinge, didn't anybody ever tell you that a joke doesn't need to make even an iota of sense in order to get a punchline across?

You're missing the point Andrew. I got the joke. It's old, at least 30 years old. I was just making a whimsical observation that CI interpreted as me not getting it. Then I got dragged into explaining what I meant because people kept assuming I didn't get it.

I got a ton of bad Alzheimer's jokes.

Best things about Alzheimer's?
You're always meeting new people.
You can wrap your own presents.

Man is afraid he might be coming down with Alzheimer's. So he makes an appointment with his physician.

"Doctor,"he tells the doctor, "I don't know what's wrong with me. I've gotten so forgetful. I can't remember things from one minute to the next."

"How long have you had tyhis problem?" the doctor asks.

"What problem?"

- - - - - - -

Now, please, Hinge, don't point out that with a memory like that he probably would not have remembered to keep the appointment. Please.

If he is so forgetful, how does he remember he is forgetful?

Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.

"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."

The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!"

So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

As I sit here and think how beautiful the day is. was.

Why are redneck murders hard to solve?


Because there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

Tom’s wife was hosting a dinner party for some of her close friends, at their summer home. Moment’s before the guests were scheduled to arrive, she asked Tom if he would be ever so gracious to walk a block down to the beach to pick up some fresh snails for the party. On his way to the beach he passed the local bar, and figured he’d stop in for a quick drink before heading down to the beach to search for the snails.

One drink lead to the next, and before he knew it, it was 5:00 in the morning and he hadn’t gotten his wife those snails.

Quickly he hurried down to the beach, picked up a few snails, rushed home, and stumbled up the front steps, dropping the snails.

At that moment, his wife angrily opened the door asking him where he had been and how he had ruined her party.

Tom, looked towards the snails and said “C’mon you slow pokes! Just a few more steps and we’re there!”

I don't think I understood your joke. Maybe I should read it.

I am beginning to suspect the BEST thing about it is never having to say "there's nothing on television tonight", because there is always a movie or two that you haven't seen!

So you want to watch a movie together?

Two old guys talking.

First one says

“I bought a new hearing aid yesterday…only cost a hundred dollars.”

Second guys says, “Only a hundred dollars!!! What kind is it.”

First guy looks at his watch and says, “Quarter after two.”

Look at all the fuusing and fighting my joke caused. You can go ahead and give me the award now and close the thread.

That's not the best. The best is having first time sex every night.

Second best is repeating things as though nobody has ever heard them before and that they are new-minted original ideas.