Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

I really loved this, I think, although I was just thinking about the cookies Nancy made and the fact that we have to visit the Aunts this afternoon before it gets too late...and that game last night was a barn burner right until the final two minutes, wasn't it?

That's 'sandy claws', vonny.

Definitely baddest yet. Fancy coming on a bad joke to praise yourself as a topping chap.

Oops - thank you - 'sandy' makes more sense!

Hell yeah!

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?

A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

Q. Why do Seattle horticulturalists have wet pants?

A. Because dey haff weed.

Two pretzels walk into a bar, one's assaulted.

The Appliance of Science.--

A stats professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off immediately for interrogation. "I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all by blowing up an airplane!" "Sorry", the professor interrupts him. "I had never intended to blow up the plane." "So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on board?!" "Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/10,000. That's quite high if you think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of mind on a flight." "And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on board of a plane?" "You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane is 1/10,000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/100,000,000. If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being around is actually 1/100,000,000, and I am much safer..."

Two old ladies are sitting on the porch at the old folk's home. One turned to the other and asked "Martha, you were married a long time, did you and your husband have mutual orgasm?"

The other little old lady sat and rocked for a minute and said, "No, no, I think we had State Farm."

To show you how bad off I am these days, Spendi, that actually makes sense to me.

It makes no sense at all Andy. The bombs are not identical. The 10,000 to 1 chance of a bomb destined to blow the plane up still exists if the prof's bomb is not intended for that purpose. That it might go off by accident decreases his safety.

That's why it's a bad joke.

Well, hell, man, don't ruin it by explaining it! It was a bad enough joke to begin with and my tongue was firmly lodged in my cheek when I made the comment.

Spendy
That's the only joke I can ever remember - and not with that much detail.

Teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says: "I wanna be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, Find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris , a jet to travel throughout Europe, and an Infinite Visa Card, while banging her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . . . .

"And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Johnny's whore.

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This joke's so bad because Sarah's response is so obvious.

JLN, When you post, you come up with real doozies! LOL

The joke is only funny to math majors.

It's a variation of this joke.

A teacher was asking her pupils what their fathers did for a living.
"My daddy is fireman.", said Anna
"My dad is a banker.", said Nathan
"My dad is dead." said Johnny
"Oh, I'm sorry", said the teacher. Can you tell us what he did before he died?"
"He went AAaarrggggg!."

That was a trifle misogynistic JLN. I'm supposed to be the misogynist around here.

A cook is showing a bimbo how to prepare a tasty dish. He puts in the pot some cumin, then some chilli powder, then some basil, then some mango, a pinch of Spanish Fly and a stopwatch.

She says "what's that? "

He says "it's the thyme, it's for the ones who like seconds.