That was very funny, C.I.. Thanks anyway.
@spendius,
That is so bad, spendi, it doesn't belong on
any a2k thread. Congratulations. Well done!
Last of the Christmas cracker jokes!
What bee can never be understood?
A mumble-bee.
What do you call a bull asleep on the ground?
A bulldozer.
What do you call a sick crocodile?
An illigator..
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
I'll meet you at the corner.
What do you call a man who used to be interested in tractors?
Anex-tractor fan.
Teacher: "Where are the Andes?"
Pupil: "At the end of the armies.
Why don't ducks tell jokes while they are flying?
Because they'd quack up.
What do you get if you cross a stereo with a refrigerator?
Cool music.
How much must you know to be an auctioneer?
Lots.
@vonny,
What do you call a pit bull that goes 'tick-tock'?
A watch-dog.
@Jack of Hearts,
What do you call a watch kept under the bed.
A nightwatch.
@spendius,
What do you call a pan for shrinking heads in?
Pot noodle.
@spendius,
Two ducks are making their getaway after robbing a bank.
"Quack", said the first.
"Take it easy," said the second, "I'm going as quack as I can."
@Region Philbis,
That's good, RP, but it belongs on the Funny Signs thread, not here.
@Lustig Andrei,
true, but i also thought it was punny enough for this one...
Billy and his little brother Johnny came to the breakfast table and mom asked "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy answered "I'll have the ******* french toast". The mother shrieked and called his father down and told him what Johnny had said. His father took off his belt and proceeded to give Johnny the whipping of his life. When he finished he turned to little Johnny and said "I hope this teaches you something.' "Yes sir", little Johnny replies. "So what would you like for breakfast Johnny?", asks mom, to which Johnny replies "Well I sure don't want the ******* french toast".
My computer beat me in chess, but I creamed it in kickboxing.
@Region Philbis,
That is so dreadfully bad it's wonderful!
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew.
