Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?









Because he was dead.

A TRIPLE DOSE.

A Man went the doctors office to ask for a Triple Dose of Viagra.
The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a triple dose.
'Why not?' asked the man.
'Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor.
'But I need it really bad,' said the man.
'Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor.
The man said, 'My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday,
my ex-wife will be here on Saturday and my wife is coming home
on Sunday. Can't you see? I've got to have a triple dose.
The doctor finally relented saying, 'All right, I'll give it to you,
but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you
to see if there are any side effects.'
On Monday afternoon the man dragged himself into the doctor's
office...his right arm in a sling.
The doctor asked, 'Good gawd! What happened to you?'
The man said, 'No one showed up' .

http://www.buzzfeed.com/temptationscheezymiddles/14-hiss-terically-cheesy-cat-jokes

http://www.buzzfeed.com/geico/shirts-that-tell-people-exactly-how-youre-feeling

Applauds.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/edysicecream/dad-jokes-everyone-loves?b=1

Q: How do you console someone with bad grammar skills?

A: There, their, they're.

Where, wear, we're?

Deeply offensive. We don't have shrimp - we have prawns.


'Viagra' is now available in tea bags.

It doesn't enhance your sexual performance
but it does stop your biscuits going soft.

Nonsense! The Outback restaurant chain calls them shrimp and since they're so Ozzie(nod nod wink wink)
...they can't be prawns

Heh! The Outback always sounded like a cute way of referring to the outhouse.

I think you're one of the few people I know that actually used an outhouse.

I heard about a country fellow who called Sears, Roebuck trying to order some toilet paper. They asked him for the catalog number and he told them if he'd had the catalog he wouldn't be needing the paper.

Let me tell you, it was good to get back into civilization. The ones I did use were somewhat less unpleasant than the little port-a-johns, by the way. The way some of those things are maintained ought to be against the law.

I'm sure my aunt did (taught in a one room schoolhouse in the San Juan Islands). Grew up a pretty sophisticated woman, long story.
I've heard about using catalog paper for years, and I believe it, but I was born towards the end of that era so I don't know personally.
On the other hand, now some of us live sparely and that's not such a crazy idea at the end of the month.
Save your telephone books..

Not a joke, but maybe wry.

Have you ever wondered why all the Sears catalogs only had the glossy pages remaining? I could tell you. . . .