Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

A dog walks into a bar and cozies up to the bartender.
Guess what? I'm a talking dog...ever seen one before?
How about a drink?

The bartender replies: "Sure, there's a toilet right down the hall"

What was the severed head singing when they found it floating dow the river?

"I ain't got no booooooodeee..."












Well, they're supposed to be BAD jokes, right?

And why do you wish to become a veterinary surgeon?

To get at some cheap ketamine.

A guy walks into a bar....

I may have posted this before:

A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar together. The bartender says: "Is this some kind of joke?"

A guy walks into a "bar".....

Two blondes walk into an office building. You'd think one of them would have seen it.

Two blondes discovered a set of tracks while hiking. While discussing what kind of tracks they were, they were run over by a train coming down the tracks.

Two blondes walk into an office building, but they work at McDonalds.

Teacher asks the kids in class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?

Little Johnny says, "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch
with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in
Paris, a jet to travel through Europe , an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to
give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.

And you, Susie?

"I wanna be Johnny's bitch!"

Sorry, but that is too funny.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their

Tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look

Towards sky, what you see? '



'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

What that tell you?' asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking,

It tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter after three in the morning.

Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What's it tell you, Tonto?'

"You dumber than buffalo ****. It means someone stole the tent."

That's a similar one with Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson. (I presume.)

Yes, a beloved joke in all its guises.

Pretty much all jokes are retreads anyway.

Why do farts smell?

It's an aid for the deaf.

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish..'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.

God replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

good one JL