@spendius,
I happen to be relatively deaf and have hereditary lack of smell. Not to mention bad vision.
So, you're just wrong.
So cute.
This for foofie.
Two Jewish fellows decided to have Pincus the schneider (tailor) make them custom-made tuxedos which they were going to wear at the upcoming wedding of the daughter of one of the men. Pincus took their measurements. The two friends insisted that the new tuxedos must be black. "None of this midnight blue huzzerai," they told him.
In a week's time the tuxes were ready and the two friends went to pick them up and try them on at the tailor shop. The fit was perfect but they kept looking at the color in the somewhat dim light of the shop. Finally they decided to step outside in the sun light to make sure that Pincus hadn't, in fact, deceived them and used midnight blue cloth instead of black. But even in the good light it was hard to tell the true color of the fabric.
Coming up the street they saw two nuns in full black habit coming toward them. "If anyone will know the difference between black and midnight blue," one of them said, "it would be those sisters. They're always dressed in black. Let's ask them their opinion." So they called the nuns over.
After this conversation with the two sartorially challenged men, the nuns returned to their convent to discover that their Mother Superior had seen the sisters conversing with two men in evening dress in broad daylight. Mother Superior was shocked. "How could you do this, talk to a couple of bon vivants in themiddle of the day, in plain sight of everybody?" she chided her charges.
"Oh, no, Mother Superior," one of the nuns explained, "these turned out to be very learned gentlemen. In fact, one of them spoke in Latin."
"Latin? What did he say?"
"Well, I heard him say quite distinctly Marcus Pincus factus."
@Region Philbis,
i remember the BSE/CJD scare over here (a few years ago now).
it was a worrying time, but i can honestly say it hasn't affected moo.
@Region Philbis,
and i know i've already posted this, so sorry for the re-up, but this is one of my all time favourite jokes...
2 cows in a field. one says to the other "what do you think of this 'mad cow disease' then?"
the other says "doesn't affect me mate, i'm a hovercraft."
@Berty McJock,
I was going to ask you to explain that,Berty, but I finally got it. Thaw a herd. OK.
@Lustig Andrei,
hehehehe
sorry, a week out and i'm losing my touch. it's all the cow jokes wot done it.
@Berty McJock,
reason it took me so long to figger it out is because I'd never pronounce 'Thora' as 'thaw-a' meself. I'm surprised that you, being a Scot, would pronounce it like that. Don't the Scots tend to roll their rrrrrs rather than swallow them?
@Lustig Andrei,
My ears tells me the same thing about Scots pronouncing "r's." Even may sound to us like "l's>"
If you live by the sword.... I guess that is pretty cool.
I live by some trees and sh*t.
@Berty McJock,
What's the difference between Bing Croby and Walt Disney?
Bin sings and Walt dizne.
What is the difference between a Camero and an erection?
....
I don't have a Camero.
@parados,
parados wrote:
What is the difference between a Camero and an erection?
....
I don't have a Camero.
Cool! I'll try this one at the next party I go to.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given by Women
10. I think of you as a brother... (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages... (I don't want to do my dad)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way... (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)
7. My life is too complicated right now... (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend... (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's)..
5. I don't date men where I work... (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me... (It's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career... (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate... (I've sworn off only th! e men like you.)
and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it really means)
1. Let's be friends... (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with.)
@Lustig Andrei,
lol no it's pronounced as you thought...you pronounce the "r". thinking about it....you probably need to know the regional english accent, which i think is yorkshire, or maybe the Leeds area. they tend to insert an "r" into consective words where the first ends, and the second begins with what sounds like a vowel...e.g. saw a = sawr a, thaw a = thawr a. even in liverpool "lots of" becomes "lorra".
yeah we roll em, but i left scotland 20 odd years ago, and mines softened. i have a weird accent lol.
@Berty McJock,
My father used to pronounce Africa as something like Aferka. Was it because his father was from Scotland?
@roger,
Erm, he was also from The Bronx
@roger,
lol i don't think so...funny enough my sister used to say "dumble" instead of "double" in BMW.
