Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,
you have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said,
'Make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink, and Green .'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,
'Mister manager, I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar said,
'The telephone goes green, green,
and I pink it up, and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar..'

Mujibar now works at a call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.

Unicorns don't like to be referred to as mythological. They have a good point.

Supposedly true, so perhaps not a joke -

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fate...d Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... '**** happens'

an oldie, not sure if it will come across as funny to you non-communists:

a Soviet tractor, peacefully ploughing a field near the Chinese border, was suddenly attacked by a group of Chinese fighter jets.
Tractor returned the firing and flew off to the army base.

Rather like the worker in the baby buggy factory that snuck out enough parts to make his own baby buggy. No matter how he put it together, it always ended up looking like a machine gun.

I got it. When propaganda news releases go bad.

I got this from the Nigel Rees' Grafitti books which featured iron curtain grafitti

'Russia has a planned economy; when there's no eggs there's no bacon.'

I read recently a book titled The Tiger: A True Story of Vengeance and Survival, a great yet difficult to categorize book of nonfiction that's about a rogue tiger on the prowl in Siberia.

Much of the book was on the postSoviet culture of the region. The author introduced the reader (moi) with the Soviet Union category of Armenian radio jokes. Quite funny though not allowed here in the bad jokes section.

Here are 50 examples of some very dry Russian wit. They always start:
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: ________
[then followed by]
We’re answering:___________.
http://www.johndclare.net/Russ12_Jokes.htm


and

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment?

"Do you have insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a raspy and weak voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God!"

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

That is very reminiscent of the grafitti Stepan, I also liked

If we had ham we could have ham and eggs, if we had eggs.

A married couple, in their nineties, visited a lawyer about getting a divorce. The interview went like this.

"How long have you two been married?"
"More than seventy years."

"Why would you want a divorce after having been married for so long?"
"We were never right for each other."

"Then, why didn't you get divorced sooner?"
"We were waiting for the children to be dead."

Ah.... Must've been run by Rupert Murdoch.

What is the most favorite time for vampires?















Coffin break

She....What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
He.....Definitely not!
She....Why not - don't you like being married?
He.....Of course I do.
She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?
He.....Okay, I'd get married again.
She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
He.....Yes, I would.
She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?
He.....Where else would we sleep?
She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.
She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?
He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.

(Armenian) Radio Yerevan :

Radio Yerevan announces exact time: beep beep beep: it's 7 am....give or take twenty minutes.

Radio Yerevan News: In the city of Leningrad, they are handing out free
cars!
~correction, it is not cars, it is bicycles
...and they are not handing them out, but stealing them.

Radio Yerevan commercial: Soviet watch Zara - fastest in the the world!

Radio Yerevan Science corner: Soviet scientists succeeded in crossing the gold fish with a shark. This new specimen will grant you your last three wishes.

Question for Radio Yerevan:"Do you think that one day people will be able to live on the Moon?" Answer:"Yes, they will. We even believe that if the constellation of stars is right, one day people might even be able to live in the Soviet Union."

I especially love the last one Dagmaraka.

So the Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and asks them to make him one with everything....

And here's the hapless Australian newscaster who tries telling that one to the Dalai Lama:

Stepanovic really is a bad joke.

Looking solely positive, that is a beautiful joke.

But Buddha makes me laugh.

Uhuh

Duh.
He was making a joke with the Dalai Lama about a "pizza with everything"?
And then wondered why he didn't get it?
Stupid or what?

But anyway, please let me, as a private citizen, welcome the Dalai Lama to Australia.
Seeing as how none of our elected officials will do it, for fear of offending our important trading partner, China.
Welcome to Australia, Dalai Lama!