Overly friendly neighbor...

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Hi all,
I have lived in my home for 12 years now with the same neighbor to my right. We always exchanged courtious hello's. I noticed into about year 6 that he had dropped a consideral amount of weight and asked how he was. He said that his wife left and he was divorcing.......years passed and wouldn't you know it, 3 years ago I dropped a consideral amount of weight and he asked how I was. Since my ex left B has been helping around the yard cutting my grass and fertilizing etc.... He did the same for an elderly couple across the street so I thought it no to be a big deal. Well the elderly couple moved and I am the only neighbor that he focuses on now. One year ago he remarried. B is about 15 years older than myself.
I'll get to the point now...2 years ago I was hanging X-mas lights on the second story using a ladder. He came over upset that I didn't ask for help so he steaded the ladder for me. This was the first time I felt strange about him(I felt that he was looking at my butt while I was up there!)The other day his dog jumped on me leaving dirt on my leg and he bent over and wiped it off(wierd?) Then today he came over to talk about my lawn and lingered too long, I mean I have stuff to do. I know it wasn't my imagination but he touched my butt as I walked him out of the door.Ewwww. What do I do. I mean I'm gracious for all his help but come on!!! I'm beginning to feel creepy but man does my lawn look good(joke) Confused

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How old is he exactly?

just wondering if he's at an age where he's perhaps getting a little vague?

What's the wife like?

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Wife appears to not like me much. When she moved in I brought over a plant as a housewarming gift. She wasn't home and never spoke of it later.I'm 40 so I think he is about 55. His oldest child is about 35.

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Hi Marty...

I don't know why..but I got tickled when I read your post...I think it was the

Quote:

The other day his dog jumped on me leaving dirt on my leg and he bent over and wiped it off(wierd?) Then today he came over to talk about my lawn and lingered too long, I mean I have stuff to do. I know it wasn't my imagination but he touched my butt as I walked him out of the door.Ewwww.

Well, he's touching you. Its kinda strange from people you least expect it from. I have one male friend that is touchy feeling, it was weird at first, but I know thats just him now....(even though people look at us a lil strange from time to time..lol)

Ya wanna keep him friends, right...to some extent, without hurting his feelings? Well, just be sure to stay out of arms reach from him, and don't flirt back, if he starts. Kinda cut him off at the pass...

You may not realize that you are giving him signals, but sometimes we do without noticing it. Watch your body language...the eye contact, and what your doing with your arms, are you standing open to him, playing with your hair...? It may be solicting attention from him that you aren't aware of.

One hint: Watch his body language...it will tell you all you need to know, by watching him. Men will bow their chest out...just like a banty rooster, ( deep breath, chest will rise..they'll kinda hold it) ,arms are not across their chest but open, their eyes will widen, eyebrows will raise.....they will follow your lead...imitate you...its a sign of attraction.

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OK, how's this one...I work occassionally late. Sometimes getting called into work after dark. He has commented before on what time I get in. He knows when I come and go.

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martybarker,
It seems that you are becoming, or have become, an obsession with him. You might want to find the right opportunity to let him know that you appreciate the help that he gives you, but that you hope he understands that you are just a neighbour.

makemeshiver33,
It makes me cringe when I read/or hear somebody say, "Oh, it's just him" or "Oh, he is just like that." As if that makes their unwelcomed behaviour any less outlandish. If you accept the touching, it should be because you welcome it.....not because he is just like that. Those who are "just like that" get a lot of privileges that those of us with more couth do not. :wink:

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Quote:

Men will bow their chest out...just like a banty rooster, ( deep breath, chest will rise..they'll kinda hold it) ,arms are not across their chest but open, their eyes will widen, eyebrows will raise.....they will follow your lead...imitate you...its a sign of attraction.

Hahahah!!!

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So, since I don't accept the touching how do I get it to stop without being outright mean. I appreciate himas a good neighbor but nothing else

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martybarker wrote:

So, since I don't accept the touching how do I get it to stop without being outright mean. I appreciate himas a good neighbor but nothing else

You remind him that he has a wife. You remind him that you are not interested in anything beyond a platonic friendship. You tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. You do not invite him into your house. You do not make it a point to sunbathe in the backyard. If all else fails....you have to be blunt.

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^^^^ what Intrepid said.

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Ok I actually disagree with you two on a relationship issue for once..

I think the next time it happens, the best response is to snap at him.

If he is really a good man, this will put him in his place, and he will feel somewhat ashamed, and immediately realize everything without you needing to tell him.

At least, that's how I responded the last time I girl snapped at me for grabbing her butt...

Of course, in my case, it turned out that she really DID want to jump my bones, but I didn't discover that until later.

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I agree with the snapping at.

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Butt touch is not a smart start, even if he wasn't married. Well, oh, wait, at least from an immediate neighbor it isn't.

55, so what, he's alive...

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Hmmm, thinking some more. Maybe I've been hasty. Maybe the actual talking is a good thing, re the long term - not sure. Maybe I'm for snapping and then talking.

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Make it clear that the attentions are inappropriate. Try not to be alone with him. And yes, mention the wife early and often. "How's Marge?" (or whoever). Possibly socialize with other neighbors (e. g. show him he's nothing special to you). Yes, and watch the body language. The guy seems to think there's an invitation somewhere.

There is a definite difference between this and a truly good neighbor who isn't out for such things.

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Ossobucco,
Not that there is anything wrong with 55. It's just that I see him as strictly a nice neighbor that I appreciate the help he has given me. If he were single I wouldn't think twice about dating him or allowing him to touch my butt. The strange thing about it was that it was a very light touch, but I know I didn't imagine it. Embarrassed

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It also could have been accidental. I have done that and was too embarrassed to acknowledge I had done it. The person may have had the same thoughts that you are having now.

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Marty, I don't know if your neighbor is creepy or lonely or misunderstood.
Given the clues you have, shut him down (my point of view) or talk him down.

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Or pat him down.

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re reading what you said, marty.

Maybe this fellow was just reaching out. Still, A, he's married, and B, he's married.

I guess I'd be creeped, which would be too bad.

Let me not put my point of view on you...

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Overly friendly neighbor...

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