What's up with that?

The good news: The Deer Lady of Copco Lake is out of jail!

The bad news: Crass jokes, for shock value, are still good for kicks anytime. When insecure people have to pick and poke just to provoke, it's pretty sad. But you still have to protect yourself from it.

Give your mom a chance to do it her way, but if necessary then insist you do it yours. This is your home and your life, so you choose and make it what you want, regardless. As much as I hate these people I like your idea of frank, direct, honest conversation. It comes from the heart.

If that doesn't work, maybe find a topic THEY are sensitive or sore about. "How's your wife's weird skin condition? Has your husband stopped sleeping around, or beating the kids? Is your son out of jail yet? Have you heard about these cloth tampons you can boil and keep using over and over? They smell bad, but what do you think? Let's TALK about feminine hygiene!"

I don't know what these people would feel really uncomfortable or upset talking about, but your self-defense may include some good offense!

Or fish some books for ideas:
The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense
You Can't Say That To Me
Emotional Vampires


Despite all our eager advice, I suspect (and hope!) you'll end up finding your particular way...

Hiya Montana ~ a story from work that you might appreciate.

The area in the back of our restaurant has been home to a family of doves for three years ~ none of them are afraid of people, but they fend for themselves for food.

Anyway, the newest 'Mom' dove kicked two of her babies out of the nest ~ I'm guessing she was trying to teach them to fly and the babes weren't quite ready.....

On Thursday, the first babe was brought to the animal shelter because he landed in soft sand (thankfully), but was attacked by red ants because he couldn't fly away. The second babe landed in soft foliage Friday morning and spent the whole day in about the same area until a soft-hearted coworker brought it to the animal shelter.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....

Awwwwwwwwww Rae, what a beautiful story! < sniff, sniff >

CodeBorg
Thanks :-D Hahahaha!!! Love the tampon thing, LOL!

Rae
Awwwwwww!!!!!!! That is so sweet. Thanks so much for sharing that. I love a happy ending ;-)

It gets better! We left the hotel phone number when we dropped off the doves at the animal shelter.....Have already had a call back that the first one is doing fine and after a few weeks of feedings, will be released......back to the trees behind our restaurant! It is his home, afterall!

Hopefully, we'll hear about the sibling tomorrow, with the same good news!

Awwwwwww Rae!!!!!!!!!!! This just doesn't get any sweeter :-) Let us know if you hear anything else ;-)

I will, Montana.

By the way......

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO YOU!!!!! One of the nicest people I've come across in my lifetime.....You're the best!

Enjoy your Mother's Day......Your son better being doing something special for ya!

{{{{Rae}}}} Right back at ya ;-) Thanks :-D I wish you a very Happy Mothers Day as well and hope that you get treated like gold for you are one special lady and friend ;-) You're the greatest!!!!

I'm off to bed, so have a great day and stay cool ;-)

G'night, my friend. Sweet dreams.

Oh jeeez!!!! Moms friend showed up again last night and started up again. First he asked where my rabbit was and then said she'd make a great stew. He didn't even stop there. The man went on and on with his animal killing stories and I even told him that I didn't want to hear it, but he just laughs. My cousin was over to visit me so I just couldn't leave the room. I've had all I'm going to take of this now. I will warn my mother that the next time it happens she's gonna be quite embarrassed because I'm planning on saying what's on my mind. Enough is enough!!! My mother knows better than anyone how I feel about animals and the bottom line is that I'm going on 40 years old and no one is going to stifle me when I'm being hurt. No one has the right to walk in my house and tell me my pet would be great in a stew!!! Mom needs to realize that when I'm hurt and disrespected I will confront the perpetrator... I feel bad that she will be embarrassed, but hey, I'm a human being as well and my feelings matter too.

go get'm tiger!

I talked to mom about it again tonight and she's pissed. Thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing as if my feelings were nothing <sigh>

Montana, he was trying to get a rise out of you. Don't give it to him. What a jerk.

I am having trouble being quiet here. You are so nice, Montana. I would throw them out of the house, figuratively if not literally. They routinely dismiss your point of view in a way that is past funny.

I am still growing up myself, about how to express myself and command my space...at my age. The trick is to be firm, express appropriate outrage and anger, but not actually be rude, or stamp your feet, or have it sound wimpy. People who are so nice don't get much practice at standing up for themselves calmly and securely. But really, what are these people doing in your living room?

Eva
I know he was, but it's getting harder and harder for me to bite my tongue. I'm not a good tongue biter and I think I played my last nice card. I've already told him nicely several times that it bothers me, but he just laughs. You're right, he is a jerk! I think I'm just going to come right out and ask him why he toys with my feelings. Maybe it'll put him in a spot to think about it. Who knows.

Okay, I went back and read the entire thread. I'm with osso. Throw the bums out.

(But to pacify Mom, tell the bums they've really upset you, and they're welcome to come back another time if they promise to respect your feelings. Then, if the bums do it again, kick 'em out for good. They were warned.)

Yes, that sounds right, Eva.

Next thing though, is that mom may cancel your effort. You may have to unleash some real anger and deal with this. I know she is wonderful, but this is not a wonderful situation.

ossobuco
Thanks so much for the compliment and right back at ya. Problem is that they are my mothers friends. It's actually only this one guy I still have a problem with. I truly am a nice person, but when I'm attacked in any way I will eventually get mad enough to say what's really on my mind. Now mom knows this and she's afraid that I'm going to offend her friend, so I told mom that she had better talk to him and get him to back off since she won't like the way I tell him. I hate being in this possition because the man is coming between me and my mother. The thing that hurts me the most is that my mother doesn't understand why I feel so strongly about this. She says I take things too seriously. When it comes to my feelings, I sure do take it seriously, doesn't everyone?

You're both right. I have to do something because this is not something I'm willing to tollerate in my own home. Mom and I had a huge arguement about it tonight again and I wrote her a letter explaining everything I feel, so she'll read that first thing in the morning. I just wish she would be more considerate of my feeling in this situation. My mom is the kind of person who would never be rude to anyone no matter how much they walk all over her and she's so afraid of offending anyone that it drives me crazy sometimes. Hey, some people need to be offended if they offend you.