Wrong Answer Game

coluber - Q: Do all chickens cross roads? And if not, why not?

A: Not all chickens cross roads... some are layabouts and never leave the coop... others fly the coop and land in the middle of road and don't make it to the other side... some are helped across the road by Boy Scouts and suchlike... some stand in groups on the side of the road and wave home-made signs and banners proclaiming their love for this thing or that thing (usually chicken-feed related)... others are hen-pecked and don't dare go anywhere near the road

Q: Why can't whales and dolphins yawn? Surely they get bored at times (by their diet, if nothing else) and can't really be told 'Find something to do' because they are already doing what whales and dolphins do

Q: Why can't whales and dolphins yawn? Surely they get bored at times (by their diet, if nothing else) and can't really be told 'Find something to do' because they are already doing what whales and dolphins do.

A: Oh but they can. The thing is, they're just as insecure about missing teeth as humans are. So, in the interest of maintaining a healthy image with which to impress the opposite sex, yawning is out.

Q: Do horses actually appreciate giving people rides?

Q: Do horses actually appreciate giving people rides?

A: Neighhhhhhh! Except for blondes. Bareback! Then you have to rein in their enthusiasm.

Q: Are blondes really dumb?

Q: Are blondes really dumb?

A: Nope. That's a ridiculously offensive stereotype . . . likely started by an honest blonde who didn't know better.

Q: Is there anything important people should know about toilet paper?

Glennn - Q: Is there anything important people should know about toilet paper?

A: Yes! It all depends on the type of paper! If it is torn newspaper squares then the user should know that the black marks in their underwear are not dark blood but rather printing ink from the cheap newsprint used! If it is torn shiny magazine page squares then the user should know that the offensive material in their underwear is indeed what they think it is, shiny magazine pages being notoriously unsuitable for being used as toilet paper! If it is proper toilet paper then the user can rest content in the knowledge that provided they use enough, and their finger doesn't poke through the paper, then said paper will do the job it was designed for and is indeed suitable to use for nose-blowing as well!

Q: Who decided that light switches should be pushed DOWN to turn them on and UP to turn them off? Why couldn't they go sideways? Say, to the left for ON and to the right for OFF?

Q: Who decided that light switches should be pushed DOWN to turn them on and UP to turn them off? Why couldn't they go sideways? Say, to the left for ON and to the right for OFF?

A: Well, rumor has it that many years ago, light switches were sideways oriented. Then in 1967 a guy who worked for the building code authorities who just happened to have a lot of cat burglars for buddies convinced his superiors to change the switches so that they were vertically oriented, thus lessening the likelihood of any of his buddies getting busted by turning on a light in a strange house by accidentally brushing up against a wall in the dark. Vertically oriented light switches saved the day--er, night.

Q: Is there a moral to, or lesson to be learned from, the continuing saga of the Road Runner and Coyote?

Q: Is there a moral to, or lesson to be learned from, the continuing saga of the Road Runner and Coyote?

A: Carry a parachute with you at all times.

Q: Are cartoon characters good role models?

Q: Are cartoon characters good role models?

A: Most certainly not! I feel that the Three Stooges really laid the groundwork for how to get along in this world.

Q: Knowing that people in other countries are experiencing an extreme shortage of K's, why hasn't the biden Administration done something about the ridiculous waste of K's in this country on words like "knife," "knock," and "know?"

A: Biden instituted an effective plan to battle inflation by stressing buying words with muultiple Ks, thus you're getting double your money's worth.

He recommends Keck, kick, kayak, kapok, kinky, khaki, etc., so don't knock his krumkakes.

Q: Why do cats like to knock things off tables?

Q: Why do cats like to knock things off tables?

A: Because they're out to get us. They've always been out to get us. The cat knows that sooner or later you're going to leave something very valuable on the edge of the table, and then SMASH! Sooner or later . . .

Q: Who invented shoplifting?

Q: Who invented shoplifting?

A: Impulse shoppers with a lot of pockets, only two hands, and very poor short-term memories. Upon getting home they realize they forgot to pay for all the items they stuck in their pockets . But then they realize how much money they saved.

A: Does crime really not pay?

coluber - A: Does crime really not pay?

A: Crime pays very well if you are prepared to accept the fact that there are many, many wannabe criminals out and about in the community. Believe it or not there is a waiting list for criminals! They have to wait in line until a vacancy is created by some other criminal getting caught and taken away for a fully paid-for holiday at the Government's (ie, YOU, the taxpayer) expense. While on holiday they can hone their skills by rooming with others of their ilk and by comparing notes and methods and suchlike they will stand a better chance of NOT getting caught next time... yep, crime pays, and if you care to take the chance, you can get in on it

Q: Why don't fleas have fleas? They would have to be smaller of course but there seems no good reason why fleas don't have fleas

 Q: Why don't fleas have fleas? They would have to be smaller of course but there seems no good reason why fleas don't have fleas.

A: Yes, fleas have "fleas," and they bite their knees, which causes them to jump even higher. I think if fleas have parasites, they're probably more like tiny mites.

Q: Is it a good idea to go to Greenland in mid-winter and complain about global warming?

coluber - Q: Is it a good idea to go to Greenland in mid-winter and complain about global warming?

A: Yes! And loudly! They are outrageous self-promoters! Have you seen what they do to Mercator maps? Greenland (population c. 68,000) in the real World is about the same size as Alaska, yet to look at the map you would think Greenland was the largest island continent in the whole World! (see link) They speak 4 different languages in the 4 different corners of the island, plus Danish and English! As mentioned, outrageous self-promoters and it is about time they were pulled back to reality!

https://www.google.com/search?q=greenland+mercator%27s+projection&client=firefox-b-ab&sca_esv=607135a9cfeed7f2&sca_upv=1&tbm=isch&sxsrf=ACQVn0_FKQ_-vsfCUm8hQovwUsLnehjmbw:1711666923619&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiJ2tKXiJiFAxUx6jgGHbeIDeoQ_AUIBigB&biw=1006&bih=616

And their beaches are rubbish!

Q: Was the narwhal (Monodon monoceros) originally intended to be a marine unicorn?

Q: Was the narwhal (Monodon monoceros) originally intended to be a marine unicorn?

A: Not true. Some of God's beginner apprentices were assigned to create a large oceanic mammal to be called a whale. When presented with the creation, God said, "It's nearly a whale, so I'll call it a narwhal." God was Norwegian.

Q: Whales have humongous brains. Does that mean they'd be good at algebraic word problems? Two trains leave two stations heading towards each other....

Q: Whales have humongous brains. Does that mean they'd be good at algebraic word problems?

A: Since they haven't figured out a way to make paper or pencils, I say no.

Q: What will happen if I over-water a cactus?

Glennn - Q: What will happen if I over-water a cactus?

A: You will get an horrendous water bill! Those things drink like camels! The more you give them the more they want! It will grow and grow until it completely fills whatever space you have it in! Be warned! While of a different species entirely we would respectfully remind you of the outcome concerning a certain plant called 'Audrey'! That plant was over-watered and fussed over and look what happened there!

Q: The Panama Canal operates by a system of locks... what would happen if someone lost the keys?

Q: The Panama Canal operates by a system of locks... what would happen if someone lost the keys?

A: This is happening now to a certain extent. The locks are too small to accommodate large container vessels. So, what's the key? Build bigger locks?

Q: It is said that curiosity killed the cat. So, should we kill curiosity?

coluber - Q: It is said that curiosity killed the cat. So, should we kill curiosity?

A: Not necessary coluber! 'Curiosity' will die of its own volition due to old-age and the running down of its radioactive power source

We at NASA are somewhat perturbed by your statement that 'Curiosity killed the cat'! All of NASA's felines are accounted for, so we can only assume that the cat you refer to was a feral interloper

Q: If Atlas had the whole Heavens/Sky on his shoulders, where was the turtle? Was Atlas standing on the turtle?

Q: If Atlas had the whole Heavens/Sky on his shoulders, where was the turtle? Was Atlas standing on the turtle?

A: Atlas does stand on turtles, which are shy and especially don't like having their pictures taken. Atlas was a show-off bodybuilder and welcomed the photographer, but the turtles would have none of it and temporarily retreated. Some say that this action caused the great flood event.

Q: Some say that Noah had a tendency for hyperbole. Did he really save two of every animal species?