Wrong Answer Game

coluber - Q: How many cliches are too many in one sentence?

A: This is a problem that has beset printers for decades! While the electr0type has mainly replaced the stereotype , which are not used much any more, the stereotype still forms an important part of the printer's armoury when the problem of too many electrotypes arises, especially when long sentences are in use! The consensus of opinion is that the number of electrotypes one can use in a single sentence depends entirely on the quality of materials used in making the electrotype

Q: Who decided that the alphabet should run in the order that it does? I mean, why can't the alphabet start with letter J for instance? Or Q? It all seems very arbitrary to this Dant and requires explanation!

Q: Who decided that the alphabet should run in the order that it does? I mean, why can't the alphabet start with letter J for instance? Or Q? It all seems very arbitrary to this Dant and requires explanation!

A: It was Mr Alfa B. Gamma who started it all. Mr Chi P. Omega was in contention, but lost out to Mr Gamma who relegated Omega to the last position out of sheer spite.

Later, Mr. Able B. Charles questioned Gamma's position and substituted Charly for the third letter and then really messed everything up.

Then it got worse from there. Mr Semaphore sold flags, so he said, "Let's use flags instead of letters." But that didn't take except for a limited application, so we lucked out there because that would really require a messed up dictionary.

Q: If we didn't have Christmas trees, where would we put the presents?

@ coluber - Thank you! You have put my mind at rest! I no longer dread being referred to as an Abecedarianist

coluber - Q: If we didn't have Christmas trees, where would we put the presents?

A: NO Christmas Tree coluber? NO TREE? But, but, but half the Yuletide house fires are caused by burning Christmas trees, when Santa, who is usually half-cut, stumbles around under the tree and trips up on the electric cable for the flashing Christmas lights, causes a short-circuit and sets the tree, and subsequently the house, on fire! By extension, there being no trees would put thousands of Christmas Tree farmers and their families into the poor house and what of the firefighters? They are on triple time over the Christmas break and rely on Yuletide fires to boost their annual income! No no, let us not talk of there being NO TREE at Christmas!

Q: Is Rudolph a tippler? I mean, just look at the words... 'Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer...'

Q: Is Rudolph a tippler? I mean, just look at the words... 'Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer...'

A: Depictions of Rudolph omit the grain bag under his snout. He needs the energy for the long night. But this is old, old grain pulled out of storage from last Christmas. It's fermented, badly. So if Santa misses your house this year, that's why. And the other reindeer don't get off either.

They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games.

Just what games are these? And did Rudolph care?

Q: Speaking of the Christmas spirit, is it all metaphorical, or is there a more substantial spirit involved?

coluber - Q: Speaking of the Christmas spirit, is it all metaphorical, or is there a more substantial spirit involved?

A: There is a far more substantial quantity of spirit involved, namely brandy, rum, and to a lesser extent, whisky/whiskey! No true Christmas Cake or Christmas Pudding would be served unless it contained a substantial quantity of any, or all, of the aforementioned spirits! Then we have Eggnog and Christmas Punch (which often facilitates a punch of a different nature), and the like... the pudding is often bought in alight, the inferno created by a liberal douse of Christmas spirit... toasts to the whiskery gentleman etc are done with Christmas spirits, and an after dinner snifter of more Christmas spirit is common... rousing renditions of various Christmas Carols and other bawdy airs are fueled by Christmas spirits... &c

Q: Would a pheasant plucker feather his own nest?

Q: Would a pheasant plucker feather his own nest?

A: Eider or duck feathers are preferable for feathering your nest. So, it's either eider or duck plucks.

Q: Speaking of plucking, do harps get out of tune easily because of all that plucking they have to endure?

coluber - Q: Speaking of plucking, do harps get out of tune easily because of all that plucking they have to endure?

A: Yes, especially if the harpist is a Pheasant Plucker's wife!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VD_5dk7rUE

Q: Why do Umpires in the NFL wear striped shirts? Are they all ex-jailbirds? And why not polka-dots? Or black triangles on a white background?

Q: Why do Umpires in the NFL wear striped shirts? Are they all ex-jailbirds? And why not polka-dots? Or black triangles on a white background?

A: The striped shirts are like stripes on zebras. Moving zebras are very confusing to a predatory animal, and they are difficult to zero in on and catch. Likewise, blood thirsty offensive football players are looking for a running target to kill, and it's easier for them to focus on a solid uniform, so the umpires are safer.

Q: When fish leap out of the water and do belly flops, does it hurt as much as it hurts a person?

coluber - Q: When fish leap out of the water and do belly flops, does it hurt as much as it hurts a person?

A: Yes! And if you could speak Piscine you would understand the derogatory comments the fish make about the 'flopper'! These fish love to congregate along the migratory paths of whales and they 'score' the belly-flops these behemoths make... Scientists think whales are 'singing' when they make those sounds but it is actually threats against the fish, crabs et al that have been laughing and hooting at a flop of a belly-flop! The whales and other fish that belly-flop grit their teeth at the pain, but the fish etc know better!

Q: How did people stuck in the stocks go to the toilet?

Q: How did people stuck in the stocks go to the toilet?

They couldn't. They had to hire strangers to go for them. And since they would be in no position to haggle over price, notoriously bad people always secured a pre-buy arrangement with a professional goer.

What is the penalty for shirking jury duty?

Q: What is the penalty for shirking jury duty?

A: Double jury duty and you have to stand downtown for 8 hours holding a sign that says, I love Donald Trump while wearing a Maga cap.

Q: Is it possible to avoid an accident?

Q: Is it possible to avoid an accident?

A: Yes. Know ahead of time where restrooms are . . . and stop waiting 'til the last minute.

Q: How do you know when you're watering your plants too much?

Glennn - Q: How do you know when you're watering your plants too much?

A: Your water bill has you in the bankruptcy court

Q: Which would win a race between a paddle-wheeler and a stern-wheeler?

Q: Which would win a race between a paddle-wheeler and a stern-wheeler?

I take it you mean side-wheeler vs a stern-wheeler.

A: In a fair race, who knows? In a Fictional, melodramatic scenario a villain would slice off one or two of the side paddles of the side-wheelers, and it would go in a circle. Haha! I win!

Q: Mark Twain used the pseudonym Twain meaning two fathoms or 12 ft, the safe depth for a paddle wheel steamer. What If instead of piloting a steamer, Mark Twain was a canoeist. What then would be his last name?

Q: Mark Twain used the pseudonym Twain meaning two fathoms or 12 ft, the safe depth for a paddle wheel steamer. What If instead of piloting a steamer, Mark Twain was a canoeist. What then would be his last name?

A: SLC would write under the pseudonym Mark Kayak! He was of Cornish, English, and Scots-Irish descent... people of that ilk use the word Kayak to mean canoe, and vice-versa! He had considered the surname Pirogue, used generically to describe a dugout canoe, but rejected it on the grounds that it sounded too much like Rogue

Q: We have a pair of socks, which is, of course, TWO socks... why then are trousers (plural note!) known as 'a pair of trousers' when there is only one item of clothing?

Q: We have a pair of socks, which is, of course, TWO socks... why then are trousers (plural note!) known as 'a pair of trousers' when there is only one item of clothing?

A: Individual leggings were first used for leg protection while in the undergrowth, so you would use a pair of them. Later, they were joined as one.

Q: Because of the vast distances, will we ever visit another star system?

coluber - Q: Because of the vast distances, will we ever visit another star system?

A: But, but, but coluber! People do already! The likes of Tonald Drump, Rube Googlyanus, Sidney Powell et al live in another World and visit with us!

Q: Were the Three Wise Men wise enough to book ahead? I mean, they arrived later than Joe and Mary, and the Inn was already full!

Q: Were the Three Wise Men wise enough to book ahead? I mean, they arrived later than Joe and Mary, and the Inn was already full!

A: The guy with the gold had no problem. Those with the frankincense and myrrh were glad they brought incense because they were stuck in stables and barns.

A: Being on a spaceship without gravity may be fun for a while, but what is the worst part about being on the spaceship without gravity?

coluber - Q: Being on a spaceship without gravity may be fun for a while, but what is the worst part about being on the spaceship without gravity?

A: Blowing your nose!

Q: What would you call the offspring of a mating between Kermit & Miss Piggy?

Q: What would you call the offspring of a mating between Kermit & Miss Piggy?

A: A tadlet, an aquatic cross between a tadpole and a piglet. It wouldn't be pretty.

Q: What did people do to fill their time before television?