Wrong Answer Game

coluber - Q: Is one-upmanship just another neurosis?

A: Certainly not! One-upmanship is an important part of being a well-rounded person emotionally... it is very nice to be able to put somebody in their place by refuting their statements or making their claims seem trivial by giving a much more impressive-sounding statement!

Person (1) says 'I went to Paris' and Person (2) says 'I stayed with the President Of France when I went to Paris'... perfect one-upmanship!

If you are interested coluber, you can take classes in one-upmanship at 'Dant's School Of Advanced One-upmanship & Put-downs'... thoroughly recommended!

Q: If Tonald Drump goes to jail, will his Secret Service Agents have to stay in the cell with him, or will they be given cells of their own?

Q: If Tonald Drump goes to jail, will his Secret Service Agents have to stay in the cell with him, or will they be given cells of their own?

A: I doubt if Trump would be in a traditional cell block. His would be most likely in a apartment-like complex with the secret servicemen nearby.

But that's another thread.

I wonder if he skipped to another country to avoid confinement if his secret servicemen would follow him, and would he be afforded protection?
Absurd questions for absurd times.

Q: The Arab curse is: May you live in interesting times. Are these interesting times?

coluber - Q: The Arab curse is: May you live in interesting times. Are these interesting times?

A: No! These are interest-less times! What with banks going belly-up every second day and the Federal Reserve Bank hiking interest rates so that the bank shareholders get fat cheques each quarter and the common person gets no interest on his bank deposit or what interest is paid is sucked up by 'administration fees' - these are not times that anybody would find interesting but rather, less-than-interesting! And as for the Arabs! Sharia-compliant finance doesn't pay interest anyway!

Q: Who Put the Bomp In The Bomp, Bomp, Bomp?

A. Didn't you learn civics in school?! Haven't you heard about the regulatory agency, NBUA AKA the National Bomp Union Administration?! Established in 1932 during the FDR administration. Damn Deep State Red Commie Bastards!!
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Q. Why are "comic book fans" getting more irate and frustrated against the recent spate of MCU/Disney Marvel projects?

Sorry Snakeman, my civics knowledge is obviously lacking!

coluber - Q. Why are "comic book fans" getting more irate and frustrated against the recent spate of MCU/Disney Marvel projects?

A: This is because all of a sudden they will have to re-organise their spread sheets to accommodate many more titles! Mark my words Stepan, the next step will be to re-issue back numbers in vast quantities and that will render their superannuation plans worthless! Their scarce-as-hen's-teeth rarities will be worthless!

Q: After Armstrong walked on the Moon, did he wipe his feet before getting into the taxi home?

Q: After Armstrong walked on the Moon, did he wipe his feet before getting into the taxi home?

A: The taxi driver swept up the dust on the floor and has it in a jar labeled "moon dust." Unfortunately, Armstrong had changed his shoes, so the jar contains less valuable Florida dirt.

Q: Do horses really care about winning a race?

coluber - Q: Do horses really care about winning a race?

A: Not in the least! They know they'll get hosed down, dried, brushed and covered with a nice warm blanket and given a big feed wherever they finish

Q: Why are doughnuts round?' I mean, you buy a dozen doughnuts and they come in a square box! Wouldn't that be a means of saving trees by making doughnuts square, thereby creating smaller boxes to pack them in and saving the Amazon! I quite like the idea of having a square doughnut! I bet this decision was made by some fat-cat Marketing Executive cutting corners!

Q: Why are doughnuts round?' I mean, you buy a dozen doughnuts and they come in a square box! Wouldn't that be a means of saving trees by making doughnuts square, thereby creating smaller boxes to pack them in and saving the Amazon! I quite like the idea of having a square doughnut! I bet this decision was made by some fat-cat Marketing Executive cutting corners!

A: The circular donut was adopted because of its resemblance to the divine circle or ring. Initial sales results were positive in fundamentalist areas using the circular holy donut as opposed to the square one. Increased sales were noted on Sundays.

Q: Was the phrase "It takes two to tango" originally "It takes two to tangle?" In what context?

coluber - Q: Was the phrase "It takes two to tango" originally "It takes two to tangle?" In what context?

A: Firstly, No - The 'Two' mentioned refers to the number of oranges used to make each can of drink

https://www.bestofbritish.com.au/product/tango-orange/

Secondly - The 'context' depends entirely on the situation - are the drinkees at a picnic? A cattle sale? Lying in a ditch somewhere? Tangled in bedsheets?

Q: Why did boat builders in the past use the '10ths of a foot' measurement?

Q: Why did boat builders in the past use the '10ths of a foot' measurement?

A: Employing the 10th of a foot was a compromise between the metric system and feet and inches. This system was thoroughly confusing, but it was an improvement over the cubit system.

A cubit was the length from the elbow to the tip of the middle finger. Since a cubit was non-standard, it was very difficult to build a symmetrical boat resulting in most boats being curved. The boats could only travel in circles, but were popular with people going on round trips.

Q: The first Interstellar spaceship to the Centauri system will be manned by people who are very brave and very stupid. Who can we convince that 4 light years is not that far?

The boats could only travel in circles, but were popular with people going on round trips.

Q: The first Interstellar spaceship to the Centauri system will be manned by people who are very brave and very stupid. Who can we convince that 4 light years is not that far?

A: I can suggest TWO perfect candidates! 1. Tonald Drump - Drump has no idea of quantities, numbers or distances (see his quotes about crowd numbers as his inauguration)
2. Vlad Sputum - Vlad the Invader has no idea about quantities, numbers or distances and thinks that the loss of thousands of soldiers is good value for taxpayers money

The bonus is that the two of them are good pals and would get on famously. Even tho' each day of the journey would seem the same as the previous they would enliven the trip with tales of their conquests and the time would soon pass

Q: What would you suggest as a new means of raising taxes?

Q: What would you suggest as a new means of raising taxes?

A: Hooka day. All the confiscated pot is burned in a container with hookah pipes attached. For $10, anybody of legal age gets to smoke. A monthly event. It's advisable to walk from your home to the event. Slow drivers will be fined an extra $10 and made to dance.

Q: Who will legalize pot first, Texas or Iran?

coluber - Q: Who will legalize pot first, Texas or Iran?

A: Neither will ever legalise pot! Follows here a table of fines and penalties for pot possession in Texas and Iran, shewing the weight, classification of crime and fine etc imposed in Texas and a general explanation for Iran

TEXAS
2 oz or less - Misdemeanor - $ 2,000
2 - 4 oz - Misdemeanor - $ 4,000
4 oz to 5 lbs - Felony - $ 10,000
5 - 50 lbs - Felony - $ 10,000

IRAN
Under Iranian law, cannabis is classified as a prohibited substance, and possession, sale, and cultivation of cannabis are all illegal. The penalties for violating these laws can range from fines to imprisonment and even the death penalty, depending on the offense

As you can see from the foregoing, pot possession in Texas and Iran is a means of reducing costs to the State and possibly, overpopulation! There are, of course, exceptions to these laws in both places - chamber pot/s, cooking pot/s, flower pot/s, chimney pot/s etc etc are excluded

Q: When I open my 'fridge door a light comes on! Or does it? Is it on all the time and some fat-cat Marketing Executive has led us to believe it goes off (thereby saving electricity and the planet) when the door is closed?

Q: When I open my 'fridge door a light comes on! Or does it? Is it on all the time and some fat-cat Marketing Executive has led us to believe it goes off (thereby saving electricity and the planet) when the door is closed?

A: Experiments have been inconclusive as my head keeps getting stuck in the door at the last moment no matter how hard my wife slams it on me.

Q: Is it true that you would weigh less on the equator because of centrifugal force?

coluber2001 - Q: Is it true that you would weigh less on the equator because of centrifugal force?

A: I weigh less no matter the location... my scales have been finely adjusted by 'Dant Instrument Makers' technicians to fool even the most capable Inspector Of Weights & Measures! None of this 'thumb-on-the-scales' trickery required! Modern technology has enabled me to get photographs of all the registered Inspectors and my scales scan faces as the customer approaches... GrandMa Dant, for instance, gets correct weight no matter the produce... As would any Inspector on a 'false weights' scam against me... You have given me an idea for a new business coluber, for which I thank you!

Q: Why, in Europe, is the wind from the West called a 'Zephyr'?

Q:

Q: Why, in Europe, is the wind from the West called a 'Zephyr'?

A: George Pillock was interested in recording a seasonal western wind. He was standing on a railroad track facing west to measure this wind to see how regular it was. An eastbound train, the Zephyr, ran him over. The west wind was now named Zephyr in honor of the train.

Pillock was now a new term connoting a foolish person in honor of George Pillock.

Q: It is said that driverless cars will be safer than people driving cars. What is so difficult about driving a car safely?

coluber - Q: It is said that driverless cars will be safer than people driving cars. What is so difficult about driving a car safely?

A: Distractions! See accompanying list... the following all takes place once you have moved off on your trip/journey
1. Deciding which cup-holder to put your coffee in
2. Deciding which station to tune your radio to
3. Deciding whether to use the GPS or take pot-luck
4. Deciding whether to have the windows up or down
5. Deciding what degree of coolness is required on a hot day
6. The opposite to the above on a cool day

And etc etc etc So many distractions!

Q: Why are werewolves despised so much?

Q: Why are werewolves despised so much?

A: Envy, pure envy. Who wouldn't want to run naked through the forest howling and growling with only a full moon to guide their way? They're uncouth behavior at the dinner table doesn't help either.

Q: Could a male werewolf and a female vampire have a happy marriage?

coluber - Q: Could a male werewolf and a female vampire have a happy marriage?

A: This is a question that requires some thought coluber! Generally speaking, inter-species marriages have a bad record; I think it would depend entirely on boundaries! They would have to set boundaries on each other and stick to them for the marriage to work... for instance, if W Wolf goes to Central Park on a mission, he wouldn't want Vampira scouting for sustenance in the same place... she could slip down into the subway and find something suitable for herself... then, when they return to their domicile just before dawn, they would have lots to talk about with each other... Boundaries is the answer!

Q: Why are there so few left-handed people in the World?

Q: Why are there so few left-handed people in the World?

A: Right-wingers don't tolerate them. (Unfortunately, this is probably true.)

Q: Could potential aliens really overcome the vast distances between star systems?