Depression Sux

Well I try to keep myself busy, I'm in three different bands playin clarinet, and besides that i play alto sax, drums, violin, and a bit of piano. Me and my bf used to go for a lot of walks together to try and get away from things.. but i think he's giving up on me. How can I be honest about my feelings when my family doesn't accept it. Whenever I go through something rough they don't try and understand, they don't try and talk about it, they don't even ask me what's wrong for **** sakes. Whenever I try and talk to them about it they tell me i'm physcotic and that everything that happens to me is my own fault. Maybe they're right... I just don't know what to think anymore.. I'm confused about a lot of things and just plain scared. I can't hold on much longer.

The Bunny makes a couple real good points, itt seems to me. First, get off your butt and start doing things other than thinking about how tough things are ... life in general is only as good as you let it be, and if it ain't fun, you're doin' it wrong. If you're not actually in a situation where folks with firearms and airpower are seeking to take you out, things ain't all that bad. Adolescence is tough, yeah, but its eminently survivable; look around - the planet is swarming with folks who've made it through. They're called adults, even if they don't always behave like adults. I could be wrong about this, but I suspect your parents care far more deeply for you than you realize, and they too are having some difficulty with your growing up. What seems an eternity to you probably seems to them just the blink of an eye ... only yesterday, you were their baby, and you're suddenly becoming a young woman. That's likely as scary for them as for you. When you see the doctor tomorrow, ask about counseling ... family counseling may be a little tricky if your folks aren't up for it right at first, but there are bound to be youth counseling opportunities open to you, whether secular or faith-based. I'm sure your school has resources available to you as well. You have tools ... use 'em. I suspect you feel yourself to be very alone. You'd be amazed how many kids belong to the "I'm All Alone Club" right along with you - its about the biggest club there ever was. There are lots of other clubs, find one or two, and join up. The one you're in now won't miss you a bit, nor will you miss it. The whole deal with having control over your life is that you have to take it, you have to take responsibility for it. Quit blaming others for what's wrong, and start working on doing things that are right. Do that right, and pretty soon it becomes a habit. Before you know it, life gets better ... if you let it. Don't build walls, open doors.

well maybe i would find it easier to talk to my parents if they didn't slap me around every time something goes wrong. I'm trying to take control over my life as best as i can, but with my pop dying and my bf ditching me it's not exactly that easy! I've lost everyone i ever cared about this year, and every time i try to make something right it back fires on me.

Wow! You are some musician, it seems! Good on ya.

It is tough losing people. Your pop is your grandfather, I suppose?

Your b/f may, or may not, be "giving up on" you - hopefully, if he is, you are keeping up with other friends (sounds like you are from what I gather) and you will have lots of other things to do. I know it sounds awful, but it is very likely that boyfriends are gonna come and go (hurts, though, ouch!) for a long while yet, while friends tend to stick around a long time, if we are lucky and are good friends to them.

The slapping around thing doesn't sound good. You know you can go to local authorities if your parents are hurting you?

I meant be honest to the doctor - even if your parents will not listen..

Psychotic is a silly word to throw around. People just use it as an insult without thinking about what it means.

Maybe some of what is happening/has happened (whatever that is) is something you brought on yourself - maybe not. I have no idea. If it is, that would be resoundingly







normal.


We all bring all sorts of stuff on ourselves. It is part of learning. If you learn well, you don't bring the SAME stuff on yourself more than once! Most of us are slower learners than that. Well, I was....

Tell ya what ... lets look at this boyfreind thing. Be real here ... what's up with that? I'm willing to bet there are unmet, if not in fact unrealistic, expectations on both sides of that deal. There is no pint at all in trying to validate one's sense of self worth in terms of the opinion of another. One thing a 14-year-old does not NEED is a boyfreind-as-life-partner thing goin' on. A freind is a freind if that freind and you are freindly with one another. Remove the freindly part, and you're not freinds, regardless of gender. Freindship is reciprocal - a two-way street. If both partners "give", both "get" far more than either puts in. If one partner "gives" substantially less, neither partner nets any gain whatsoever; there simply is no payback. Perhaps the concept of having a boyfreind is more important a motivator for you than any inter-personal relationship yopu have with this particular boy. Look beyond what 'feels good", and figure out what IS good. Trust me, kid, if it ain't workin', you have to either work at it differently, or work on something different. It makes no sense at all to continue a consitently inneffectual course of action in expectation of improved results. Try to figure out, and move away from, what isn't working. And remember, we don't find relationships, they find us, and we don't make relationships, they make us. Don't let that relationship make you into something you don't want to be made into, open yourself up to relationships that will work for you. That's not easy, I know, but it is a helluva lot better than just bitchin' about what's wrong. Get tough with yourself, and you'll likely find the world goes easier on you. Really.

Oh, and ignore my typos ... I'm a terrible keyboardist ... computer or otherwise.

Me and my bf have been through a lot together, he's been there for me though everything (suicide, pregnancy scare, depresion, abuse, etc) up until recently and he just seems so annoyed with the situation. My parents were never THAT bad until like last year. It hurts a lot sometimes but i could never tell anyone about them, it'd crush them. I have no idea what i brought on myself.. i'm starting to wonder about manic depression. .. Suicide just seems like the best option.

I gotta figure if you weren't looking for a solution, you wouldn't be asking for advice. Of course, if you're just fishing for pity, then advice is pointless. Pity won't help a damned thing,. Neither will advice, unless its heeded. If you really want things to get better, take a hard look at some of the advice you've been offered here, and do something about it. If you really only want pity, no amount of advice is gonna mean anything. Pity is a trap. Advice, and the exchange of ideas, is an opportunity. Fall into the trap, or take the opportunity ... your call.

I really am looking for advice, I wanna take the opportunity but I don't really know how. And I really wouldn't of been with my bf for over a year if i didn't love him and he didn't love me. Sure we've been through some rough times but that's no reason to just give up on things. I'm trying to get help but everytime i try and do something it just makes things worse. It just seems like extreme mood swings. I keep trying to not care and put things behind me. To try and ignore them but then something happens that just sets everything off. I could be all "yes man lets go! woo!" one minute and ready to kill myself the next. People at my school see me as the "gothic chick", my family see me as "the baby". Nobody ever listens to what I have to say because they either see my age, or my gothic appearance and judge me. You guys have given me some awsome advice and i'll use it to the best that i can.

Thinking back I remember how tough 14 was for me. Had my first boyfriend who was my first love and when he dumped me for some other chick I never thought I'd get over it. Well, I didn't only get over it, for years after that I would just nod my head when I saw him because I couldn't figure out what I ever saw in him. I also remember being very depressed when I was your age and thought I'd always be miserable, but suddenly without me even noticing it, I just snapped out of it.

If your parents are abusing you, then that's not good and you should talk to someone about it.

Maybe. .. I dunno how i managed to get through last night.. but just as i was going to pop those pills my bf calls and starts talkin to me again. i'm still pretty low but i'm happy he's back. ..

Good to see you still here, and still with us in general.

Now, one thing I want to tell you - because you have some interesting inner resources as a musician (I can barely poke out Heart & Soul on a piano).

Anyway - do you write music or poetry? Either/both can be a fantastic outlet for feelings - good, bad, indifferent. Art and music, as I'm sure you know, are often the product of deep feelings. So that's an area you can explore.

And, if you're being physically and/or emotionally abused, you need to get help. Be assertive and get help. I know that can be rough - hey, you're only 14! - but if your home life is keeping you from getting the help you need, then you need to work on changing that. Again, a trusted friend, a teacher you admire, a suicide prevention line, that kind of thing - reach out for help. We're glad you're talking to us, but the fact is, we're remote from you (I don't know where you are, of course - if it's not Boston then I'm not physically near where you are) - and you need someone in the here and now.

We're pulling for you.

I'm ok at making my own stuff.. I play a lot of solo's and **** like that.
I saw my doctor today, he put me on the b/c pill and said that might help. I've gotta go back and see him in like a month and if i'm not feeling any better he's gonna start me on anti-depressants. i might be alive by then, who knows what'll happen. Thanks, Tierayn

The drama of doing away with yourself is a final one. It can make some people sorry they didn't pay attention (and so what, you are the one that counts) but leaves you no room. You have a lively mind and a lot of sensitivity. Why are you so interested in throwing yourself away? There are other ways to be dramatic besides wiping yourself out. We think you are an interesting person and you should too. We want you to move past all this and start building on who you are.

I wish you would get off of your dependence on what your boyfriend does or says. Please believe in yourself more. Then if that boyfriend works out, fine, and if not fine. Life has good parts and you will find them.

I'm currently reading a book called "Veronika decides to die" by Paulo Coelho. I can see exactly why my friend chose this particular book to lend me, and I would advise anyone with suicidal thoughts to read it.

Thanks i'll keep that in mind. I'm trying to get things back to normal. Trying to see the way I feel about things not the way my family or my friends think it should. I'm concentrating on my music a lot.. It's the only thing that really keeps me going.
got my eyebrow pierced again today, didn't hurt too bad. .. anyway.. i gotta go.. goin to a party tonight . Thanks everyone!

Keep up the good work Tierayn :-D

Parties are good. :-D

Tierayn - come back here and post whenever you feel like it, we support you here. You may post and nobody will answer for a while, but that doesn't matter, people here like you and want you to believe in yourself. (Don't take no response as nobody caring.)

Depression does suck-but loneliness can be worse.

Eyebrow pierced, huh? That's the way it always is with kids, I guess. Gotta make sure their non-conformist's uniform is up-to-date and correct in every detail :wink:

I dunno, I s'pose my beard sorta qualifies in that regard, but I'm sure no kid, and the beard's been with me damned near 4 decades now. LOL ... I have an ancient aunt who sends me Avon Aftershave every year for Christmas. Maybe she figures I'll grow out of this phase when I get a little older.