What a difference a few days makes....
Just wanted to let those of you have offered me advice and allowed me my "feeling sorry for myself trip" that I feel I have scrambled right back up onto terra firma.
I think that you were right where the years of what's been going on have taken their toll and actually eroded the person who I was - however, in the last few days, having reached rock bottom last week - I have not thought too much about the past, been distracting myself and feeling "me" again without feeling guilty about having a laugh and a joke around.
I know I shouldn't be feeling guilty but it does kinda happen when the daily phone calls (sometimes up to a dozen, if not more, calls) from my big lad are so soul-destroyingly angry and sad.
BUT - in saying that - he moved to his new house with his team of care staff on Monday and BLESS HIM he has coped fantastically well. First time I can say since 2004 that I am beginning to see him responding to the "bigger picture" and taking a step forward without going 10 steps back. I am so proud of him.
I am still sad
about other aspects of my life and still cr*pping myself about the impact of surgery and all that goes along with that (just over 3 weeks now) BUT I am facing my future with a great deal more clarity now and I am sure that now, the only way is up. Not naive enough to think it's going to be plain sailing - but I've sailed the seas in Force 9's before so - BRING IT ON.
So - really just wanted to say "thanku" for listening to me when I needed an ear and a shoulder - and I shall continue to A2K to keep me in touch with the big wide world.
My motto has been "Live, Laugh, Love" for the very longest time and I live by the "Anything Is Possible" stance. Finally, I have started believing in that again, which has surprised me, but it sure does feel better now.
Always one for wearing my heart on my sleeve - but comfortable that is what makes me "me", and I'm not gonna change.