My sisters in a pickle and not sure what to do?

Mms--

You know in the circus how the Strong Man stands on the the board balanced over the log and juggles all sorts of toys?

You're the overworked log. I'm on your side.

Hold your dominion.

I appreciate you Noddy..so much! If you were closer, I'd have to hug and squeeze you. Well, right now, I need to be hugged and squeezed. Maybe we could take turns..? lol

I feel like a glutton for punishment at times, I have known I've been spread to thin for a long time. Actually for about the last 4 years...

I keep thinking that my hard work and preserverance will pay off at some point. I'm crossing my fingers and praying that it will.

Mms--

Thanks for the kind words.

I have a suspicion that Sisterhood became bi-racial long before the idea of "Brotherhood" grabbed hold. I don't care what color men are--they need taking care of. I don't care what color the women are--we're the ones spread thin and smiling.

There are reasons women cry at weddings.

Meanwhile, now I'm delighted that once again you are going to have all of your problems under the same roof, instead of driving 90 miles to keep the family together.

One of these days you're going to come North or I'm going to get South and we are going to have one almighty fine talkfest.

Hold your dominion.

Well...here we are AGAIN!

I haven't been on much this week due to having my sister show up Wednesday...(I think, might of been Tuesday), if anyone recalls..I made a comment on Bella's thread about trading her woes for my sister....(My mind, nerves..and body had about had all they can take)

Ya'll ready for this? I don't even know where to start.....

She's been back from AIT for ummm, about four months or so, has kept up with her drill when its required, but she's not had a "job"..."job" persay, since she's been back. We have a cousin that has more money than sense..and has paid my sister...(if ya'll will remember who gave up her own kids) to babysit her newborn.

The only relationship that my sister and I have had...has been kept to the phone. She doesn't come to visit.....but she calls five-six-hell.....a dozen times a day. Our conversations consist of..."Uhumm" on my end...and thats about it. (Half the time, I don't even answer the phone)

Well Well Well.....Tues or Weds..morning, the Sheriffs dept calls me. J called me on his cell, he tells me.."S, I got someone here that wants to talk to you." I'm dumbfounded...because I'm friends with J...but not the kinda friend that calls......especially at 10:30 in the morning. Well...Low and Behold it was HER.......she was scared, needed somewhere to go...

I tell her.."OK", But I'm now an angry pissed off woman.......

Now, let me back this story up here...tell you what happened that got us to this point.

In the 4 of so months that she's been back, she's dated a whole sloosh of men, I can't keep up with them. And NOOOO, she's not divorced...the story of her filing her divorce papers I soppose was to shut us up, and get us off her back. But she's never filed the papers come to find out. She's still very married. Even though no one knows where he's at.

So...about 3 or 4 weeks ago, she had called to tell me she was going up to Fort C...for two weeks of training and drills. All I got out of her two weeks up there was one big party, where my sister was one out of maybe 20 females....and 200 men. (Uhhumm) Can't imagine why she volunteered to go..can ya? She meets this younger man there...he's 25. She'd call and talk about him, I'd do my usual routine..."UHUMM"..and we'd hang up.

Well, this relationship kept getting thicker and thicker in the last couple of weeks....(too fast, as usual) She up and heads to his hometown about 80 miles from here, and decides that she's moving down there with him, they are going to move in together. ( WHATEVER! )

Now, my sister is one of them that calls everyday...all day, unless she's doing something that she feels we are all going to be in disagreement with, then you don't hear anything from her. She goes on the defensive, hides out...doesn't call anyone. So..when she doesn't call for days on end, we all start wondering if she's still breathing? Its out of sinc with her....for this lil huzzy if she's not in the horizontal position, she's got a phone in her hand.

After not hearing from her for about 6 days, I called another cousin...who she's usually in constant contact with also, and asked about her. "NOPE..haven't heard from her in 8 days...blah blah blah...its the same old ****!, you know she's up to something no good if you don't hear from her..yadda yadda yadda! " (They are fed up with her also)

Speed this up a little bit~~~~~~~~~ this past Monday, the very same day I called our cousin, she calls me, everything is wonderful in paradise, she's moving in with "her man", there's no drama there, its just peace and quiet. ([/I]Whatever floats your boat) "UHUMM"....and hang up.

Now I'm thinking.."What an idiot!"

Forward~~~~~to phone call from J. "He's threatened to kill me!"


I'm foaming at the bit mad........pissed off totally, ready to kick her ass when she gets here. And when she did arrive blazing up my driveway, I met her at the door with an attitude from hell.

She entered into my front door, seen the look on my face..and put her hand up to me...as in to stop me from saying anything, and then had the audacity to tell me, "I really don't feel like hearing it, YOU just really don't know what I've been through the last four or five days!"

OMG.........I WENT OFF! (Plug your ears if you might take offense to my language...because I wasn't nice!)

I told her EVERYTHING I WAS THINKING!!

I got her over her kids......my kids, her calling DHS on me over two years ago , this coming from a woman that gave her kids up to join the Army!!!!! I got her over her relationships, her whoring ...everything about HER!! How fast she moves with men, the fact that she's still married.....that she's never going to learn a lesson till one of these men beats the ever lovin' dog out of her, or slits her throat. That she picks nothing but dope headed S.O.B's to have a relationship with..yadda yadda yadda......ya'll get the jist.

So........she had no choice but to listen to me, but she didn't take heed to it at all. After she heard what I had to say, she got on the phone and called atleast 5 different people, of which I gave her hell over calling everybody and their brother. Finally, she just withdrew into her own little world, because I kicked her every chance I had...she sat in my livingroom with her eyes closed ignoring me. (Yes, I feel sorry for her, she's sick) She spent the night, and left the next morning at 8 after a melt down at my kicthen table, in which I didn't give her sympathy for. Just kicked her again.....

Ok...ready for THIS???

After this meltdown at my house, how he threatened to kill her, and having to deal with the fear of this bullshit for 24 hours, she loads up...and heads off..........(because I did not enable her, cajole her, sympathize with her)

Calls me 4 hours later, she's volunteered to go to the border...she's staying in another town. I asked where...she's staying with *George.


ANOTHER MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG...jumping up and down... A totally different man...where this one come from....I have no idea!


Talk about a shock~n~awe routine........

Only read bits, but this reminds me of a similar movie/story/actual event/ in which the bad sister comes to her decent sister's house, and unbeknownst to decent sister, murderous bad drug dealin man is in hot pursuit.

Good sister gets killed in the end.

If I had children at home, I'd take a restraining order out on her.

Get a Glock. Learn how to use it.

Among the fringes of Mr. Noddy's father is a woman transplanted from Scotland. She has the concept of clan in her bones. Family is family, whatever they do.

After being exposed for about three weeks to a free-loading brother-in-law with sticky fingers, she revised her thinking.

Keep in mind, she pronounces the "U" in "but" as though it were the "oo" sound in "boot".

Family was family.

Her brother-in-law was "Family, boot....".

Your sister is definitely Family Boot material.

MMS, you're welcome to borrow my steel toes as long as you return them before my work shift ;-)

((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

I am almost agreeing with Lash on the restraint thing. At least gird your family loins. You have, and this isn't a criticism, a fine way of both rage and accommodation. It is a hell of a mess, as you are right, she is not well, if not clinically unwell, surely one mixed up broad, but maybe also clinically unwell. Or just nuts.

It's hard for me to envision her sharpening up, though I don't want to preclude that as possible.

A lot of her behavior is some kind of cry, but response is not so far welcomed, and doesn't looked to be anytime soon.

The key question to me is do you let her back in, your sister after all, or do you shut her out. Back in or shutting out may be kinder, viewed from different points of view - I am for tough love here.
But, adding in the possibly nastybody boyfriends, think of your family.




I add that with ref to an old old pal, weird as hell even then, who talked of 'nastybodies' and made arm and finger moves to mimic starfish.

I agree with Lash too. Better be prepared to defend yourself against the uglies that are obviously persuing your sister.

Just make sure you don't shoot yourself.

Well, that acquaintance that made that starfish move was a pal and did it with humor, he was mr. sardonic, rather hermetic, but a little sense of the sardonic might not be amiss here if it weren't all so real.

This is all a big question, larger than this individual thread.
What do people do who can't cope?

I happen to have just read a short story about (I guess, it was not so clear when I started it) a woman at the edge. This might not be what you want to read, but as I read it a few hours ago, it makes a sort of sense. And that woman, to me, needed good counsel and perhaps meds - let me not get into what the men needed, though I understand them too, or think I do. But, whatever they all needed, the scenes put you there.

Book is The Expendables by Antonya Nelson, Scribner's Paperback Fiction.
The particular short story is - Slickrock to Bedrock, p. 178

back with a link, re the book and its character.

But maybe others would come up with some advice re counselling???

I have to take my meds and lock up my guns before I visit A2K.

This place is getting ugly.

Here's a link -

The Expendables

Was that directed at me, cjhsa?

No.

OK.

CJ...Thanks for the advice, but I'm not an avid fan of a Glock..lol, I'd rather use a S&W 44 mag...be done with it. BTW..I'm an avid gunner...very proficeint with a rifle, shotgun..and a pistol.......lmao


I'm just speechless to some extent over my sister..it doesn't surprise me none now, but still....to think of the extremes she will go to. I won't be surprised to find out she's on dope...but I haven't seen any signs of it. But then again, this was the first time I have seen her in weekssssss......all she wanted to do was sleep, she made the comment that she hadn't slept in 3 or 4 days, neither had this thug...he'd kept her up. (Here's your sign Sister)

Yes, the thought run through my mind about him coming after her, but I have the relief that he doesn't know where I live...and I'm not that easily found. But, I also have what CJ recommended, a plentiful supply of weapons at my disposal..........



Noddy, I use to have this philosphy to some extent. I'm loosing it rapidly now....I just really don't want to give a crap about her...I really want her to leave me alone and go away. But on the other hand, she's my sister and I feel sorry for her. I know this is a cry for help, and I can't help but think I'm the root cause of it. And if her need for help was real...and I turned her away and he did hurt her, I'd feel like scum.



Thanks Montana....



Osso & Lash...The restraining order, I haven't thought about. I wouldn't do that. I'm not sure what she is....messed up, nutts......I don't know.

Its one of those catch 22's, you run her off, she gets no help.......you keep her around, she still gets no help, because the first time you mentioned she needs a doctor, she'll run off again.



I'm prepared.....



Osso...thats a scary thought. Thanks for the link, I'll check on it.


There's alot of things that play into this scenario, by no way am I defending her...but our childhood was messed up from the word go. We suffered though major child abuse, verbal, emotional, and physical. Our mother told us one time after we were both out of the house...that.."We just needed to Thank God that we were never sexually abused." Well, Gee thanks mother........

And I married 3 months before I was 17. I didn't have too, I was young and thought at the time I was in love. When I left home, it was after having the hell beat out of me for the last time at 16. My sister told me one time afterwards, and I'll never forget it..."You just left me there......" So...thats why I feel to some extent that I'm the root cause, because I left her in that situation at 13, and never once tried to get her out of it. Its not that I didn't want too, but with my step-father being high ranking in the local sheriff's department, my hands were kinda tied. There was nothing I could do...

I know that our childhood is part to play in her mental state.....no, it actually plays a big role with her. But I can't turn back the clock....and I can't take it away.

YOU are not responsible for your stepfather's behavior. YOU could not have stopped him even if you had stayed. YOU did what anyone would have done in that situation. Stop beating yourself up.

Unless and until your sister agrees to get some help, I advise you to not have any more contact with her except to tell her that this is the choice you have made. Tell her calmly, not at 200 decibels. If she starts to scream at you, say "I'm sorry that's the way it has to be and hang up." If I were you, I would offer to go with her to counselling. It sounds like you two need to works some things out together.

I know.....I really do know that, its just hard sometimes to not want to feel that maybe if I had done something different, things would have been different.




I really didn't want to share that, but felt the need to explain somethings about her behavior.

I have had my therapy over this ordeal, I soppose you could call it self-therapy, its started out in my teenage years in the form of alcohol.

Somewhere around the time I turned 23 something hit me one day, and I realized this wasn't the way life was sopposed to be. The realization come when I found myself pregnant with the first child.

I've spent many sleepless nights over our childhood, and vowed to myself, and that child that our life wouldn't be the same as mine was. That there would be no way on earth would I treat another individual the way I was treated. Therapy come in the form of books & reading, talking to friends, and spending quality time by myself analyzing situations and how to handle them diplomatically. (even though I loose it occasionally) I can honestly say at this point in my life that I can accept what was dished out to me, I don't like it...but I can't change it. I can take the opportunity though to step outside that viscous circle that I was woven into, and not step into another one. Thats what stops the pathectic cycle of abuse. I've learned to live by the motto....If I'm going to take a step in life, its up..not sideways, down or backwards. I see the things in my life that made me who I am today, and some traits I do have belong to my step-father. (He did have some good traits) Yes....even in all his cruelity at times, he had a way of molding me into who I am today, and thats a strong individual who doesn't back down from a fight...if I'm right. And I can admit defeat, and admit I'm wrong with grace, and I don't have to seek revenge on others for I also believe that what goes around, comes around. Those that dish harm out on others, will gather it back up at some point in their life...and have to deal with it, and answer for it.

And the biggest step that I had to take, was facing those that hurt me. I did it...and we've talked through those years, the why's, when's...and the how come's. I have forgiven....my sister can not. She wasn't dished out anything worse than I. Matter of fact, she was protected more for being the baby, than I was. She has a hatred for our parents thats venomous....

But...I can't help my sister, she thinks life is all swell, with her mini-dramas, her man of the hour, and her life of leisure. She won't listen to anyone, nor cares too. If we disagree with her, then we are against her. Its always someone else's fault.....never her. And even with my hateful speech I dished out on her the other day, she has forgotten it, for she called me yesterday afternoon wanting to know what I was doing today, she may come to visit.

My brain is just fried over her....I do not know what to do, what to say anymore, how to be with her...how to make her see the light. She will not accept any advice, any form of suggestions.....I would just like to shake her till she can't see straight.....tell her to wake up.

I just dunno............

The only time I have drama in my life is when she is around! Other than that..its pretty smoothe sailing.