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Mon 10 Jan, 2005 04:03 pm
I'll try to make this short. No promises though...lol
My sister is 32 years old, so..an adult. She's recently divorced (5 months). She has had several dates since her divorce, but none to worry about. Recently, within the last month, she started talking about an old friend that had been calling her and told her that when he got leave that he'd be up and planned on taking her out. He is/ or says he's an underwater welder in the Gulf of Mexico.
A few days before he gets here, she calls me in a panic and says that she believes he's on drugs. Meth to be exact. I tell her, to just be blunt about it. Ask him. She does.....he admits it. Not only does he do Meth when he's on shore, he's also a dope dealer. (cringin' here) She explains to me that, she has told him that if he wanted anything to do with her, that he'd have to leave it alone. Ok.....so he sopposedly agrees.
So, I get to meet lover boy, and realize that I know him too. Not personally, but have met him before. Didn't like him then, don't like him now. He's boisterous about his drug dealing with me. I just grin and bear it. My sister is apparently loving the fact that she's got a bad boy. Everyone in our family went ape over it. So...she runs with it. (of course) the more they talk, the further she goes overboard with her relationship wtih him. Even talking marriage! I kept my mouth shut. Knowing that if I sided with them, that she'd follow through with her plans on marriage.
Soooooooooo, in the meantime...he has talked her into buying a car. They put it in her name. My sister has a car that is paid for. A fully rebuilt 1973 Camaro..that is sharp as hell. He talked her into taking the new car, which he told her he'd make the payments on it. And he'd just take the "old car"...and was planning on leaving here in a few days to go back to LA. (probably never to be seen again) The title of the camaro is in her Ex-husbands name. She agreed.
Now.....in the meantime, not only has lover boy bragged about his dope to me, he's also bragged about the warrant out for his arrest for not paying child support. (real winner here)
So..last week, I took the situation into my own hands, and talked to one of my friend in the Sheriffs Dept, and told him what was going on. I had a bad feeling to say the least about lover boy. He runs him and finds out that he has two warrants for his arrest. And says they are going to pick him up. I wait......Feeling shame for what I did, but I done it for my sisters own behalf. She's not the easiest person to talk to...to point out that he's not a good guy and that she needed to get him gone, before she took the chance on loosing her kids, or her life.
Now.......this past Sat, he apparently done something to make her worry. She talked to me this morning and was crying and WANTS HIM GONE. Says that she's scared of him.
So...the sheriffs dept picks him up, arrests him.......and 5 hours later he's out of jail! He was arrested for both warrants. And come to find out, he has two counts of Domestic Abuse on his record. Ones a 2nd degree, ones a 3rd degree. (????)
Now my sister is scared to death. He called her and is ANGRY!
But let me say this, even though I talked to my friend through the Sheriffs Dept, There was another phone call placed this morning and it was the reason he was picked up. Not me...
WHAT DO WE DO NOW??? He's violent and has a violent temper...and I'm worried about her and her safety. Not to count, she has two children.
This answer is over my head... I'd call the cops again and see what they suggest... perhaps a long vaction while things cool down?
Hope you work it out quick though... that is a nasty situation.
Hmmmm soap opera story anyone?
i would simply shoot him in the head! :-)
no, seriously, keep calling thepolice. He got out on bail OBVIOUSLY, there are rules and fegulations to being on bail. The second he breaks one I would call. And keep calling. But.. umm.. i wouldnt say to anyone that I did that. not even on your computer. Things leak out, someone hears/sees/reads something then you have to defend your moves to your family and they will put you in a bad prediciment . Silently play the bounty hunter and hope for the best .
I'd pm Justababblingbrooke for her comments and keep a phone real handy at all times.
Your sister has a lot of maturing to do.
At the least she has put her kids in serious danger with this guy, and of course herself and the rest of you as you shelter her.
Can the kids go to their father's in the meantime? Not that I think that's the answer, just wondering. It might flag him to their endangerment, but it might be safer, which matters.
You need expert advice.
I thought they shot people like that in Arkansas. Don't know if the Texas "He needed killin" defense works there or not.
For real advice, Shewolfnm & Osso seem ontrack. One way or another, take the inititive and get rid of the guy.
Arm yourselves with pepper spray and/or mace, and keep calling the police. Get the kids far away. As said above, you need advice you may not be able to get here.
Has he threatened your sister or her children?
If so, investigate getting a PFA (Protection from Abuse Order) against him.
Also consider reporting the Camero as "stolen".
Where is he staying for this visit? Would a search of his living quarters uncover drugs?
You and your sister should start by going to court to file for a restraining order against him and as far as I know, that's all you can do. The police won't watch her, but he might think twice before breaking a restraining order. With a restraining order he can't have any contact with her or her children without criminal charges.
Good luck to you all MMS.
(((HUGS)))
Sounds like good advice to me. Thank you soooooooo much!!!
Update on the situation..
Yes, my sister has loads of maturing to do...she has driven us crazy with the things that she has gotten herself into since her divorce. It was like the word "freedom", meant anything and everything.
He hasn't come out and threathened her, but the words that he's speaking are angry words, hateful and full of vengence towards her. I offered to go to her work to escort her out and to her car (hour trip for me) to follow her home, so she could get her things and bring the kids to my house and stay. She insisted on me not coming. I STRESSED to HER to call the Law and have them meet her at her house so she could get her things. In the meantime, he has called and wanted his things. It worried me, he showed up........about half drunk, took his things, had some nasty things to say and poof ...disapeared. She has decided to stay there tonight and her kids elsewhere. ( not liking that idea)
Get this...The judge let him go. He was sopposed to be in jail on a 6000.00 cash bond. But by one today, he was released. Whats with that?
The law...Well, we were raised up in a law enforcement family. We have known the Sheriff since we were lil girls. He jumped on the arrest. But on his release, he told her to call 911 if she needed anything. Ok.......big help there.
The ex-husband...or should say the FIRST Ex-HUsband....YES, SOAP OPERA HERE!! The ex-husband was this mans best friend growing up. The kids could go there, but he's not much help. He's as silly as they get...
What its going to boil down to, if he messes with her, is me whoopin' the piss out of him......I don't like half of what my sister does, but THATS MY SISTER and if anyone touches her, it'll be ME.
I'm just at a loss of advice for her. Half the time it goes in one ear and out the other. I have gotten to my wits end with her more than once. Matter of fact, I told her a few months ago, that this damned roller coaster ride that she had all of us on, I wanted it to stop and for her to let me off. I honestly thought she needed medicated....and still do. She'll go from one extreme to the next in a moments notice.
I'm going to suggest to her to file a restraining order against him.....and to keep her distance. And for God's Sake, I hope she's learned a lesson from this.
She did get the keys to the Camero and its hidden, locked down.
mms--
You have my sympathy.
Perhaps the Meth Man and the Ex can party together, discuss the perfidity of women, accelerate the discussion, draw guns and improve the gene pool?
If you don't mind me asking, how old was your sister when she married?
Not knowing your law enforcement background, I only recommended pepper spray. You know what you need to do.
Thank you Noddy...very very much.
She was 18 the first time. They had two kids. They were the same age. She married to get out of the house. Not wanting to drag all the skeletons out of the closet, but we grew up with an abusive stepfather. Which explains alot of it about her behavior. I even married 2 months before I turned 17. ( I know ..SHOCK)
The second marriage...she married a man 20 years older than her. It ended after a 5 year relationship, 3 years of marriage.
Now she's been divorced for 5 months......
I just see quite a few sleepless nights ahead worrying about her and those kids. Atleast till we know he's gone back to Louisiana.
Both parents worked for the police station years ago. Step-father went on to Sheriffs Dept for years....probably 20 all together.
We were raised up with guns, shooting etc....I'm very very handy with a pistol......But wouldn't use it to take someone's life. Just to defend someones.
Precisely. Good luck to you. I hope for a peaceful resolution.
I do too...........TY Cjhasa.......
I am so sorry to read of this.
Although restraining orders are good for having cops pick someone up, they often provide nothing other than a red flag for the person served with the TRO as well as a paper trail (official record) for a possible future trial.
Let me just say this: if someone wants to 'get' someone, no restraining order or pepper spray is going to stop that person.
Hopefully, he will have truly moved on. If something else goes wrong in his life and he decides to fixate on your sister at that time, she might have to do what a lot of women have been forced to do in such situations, i.e. relocate with a new identity.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but one must face what so often happens in similar situations in order to keep from becoming another statistic.
Domestic Violence: Everyone's Issue
I'm hoping that it don't go that far. I just really really hope that he goes back to where he come from. And in the meantime, leaves her alone.
I'm afraid what will happen if or when he gets with his buddies and get to venting about it. I really wish she had come out here tonight to stay...or I wish I had gone to her place and spent the night.
Your right about the restraining order. Thats what I told my mother, that it doesn't stop a person from doing what they want to do...its only good if you get them before they get you.
I'm just at a loss anymore.......to think that a man can come into a womans home invited, and it not quite a month...make her life miserable in the last week or so.....shows his true character. This jerk got mad at her for having her nails done, for going to our Aunts house and spending the day...
But the other thing that bothers me..is the fact that she knew all of this and still welcomed him into her home.....
My sister is an attractive woman that doesn't need some idiot loaded up with her and her children. What she saw in him, I'll never know...or course, I'm not the eye of the beholder either.
MMS--
Perhaps your sister inherited your Mother's taste in men?
Have you checked the Internet for chastity belts?
At least your sister is disillusioned about the charms of fun-loving Meth Man. After all, wanting him good and gone is easier long term on you than making him her third husband.
Hold your dominion.
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