My sisters in a pickle and not sure what to do?

I understand that as well.

From your posts, I believe you realize women (and men, for that matter) make poor choices for a variety of reasons.

Please don't blame her: I can see how that would be easiest, but I can also see that you love her. She needs guidance and support now, in my opinion.

I wish you and your entire family all the best!

Noddy, I have jokingly thought about the chasitity belt.

She just called, and I come clean about EVERYTHING I FELT ABOUT THE SITUATION. And point blank told her that she wouldn't have to worry about HIM, that I would personally KICK HER ASS if she took him back, or gathered up another one like THAT! ( said w/compassion of course)

And I mentioned the likeness in his attitudes and that of our stepfathers. Actually, when she went to telling me about his behavior...HER WORDS,
I asked her who that sounded like? And why would she want to gather up one that was comparable to him?

I love my sister, but she's good at talking out of both sides of her mouth. And somehow, guilt has crept into her mind. She's feeling bad about how its ended. (dying here) But I explained to her, that it was best ended the way it did...or hope it has, given the alternative.

Graffiti, ty also.



I'm really not trying to blame her, just trying to figure out her logic. I don't walk in her shoes, but wish at times I could..to lead her in a different direction. (not that I make the wisest choices)

I look at my sister and see a woman that doesn't believe she has a life if there isn't a man or two around. She has a need to be "wanted". Which I know stems from our childhood. And I sure there is loneliness that is involved. But there is no amount of talking to her, even in the kindest ways...that she'll take any advice about it. I have told her, do what you want too, just don't involve your children. Which is a piece of advice that she hasn't taken......yet.

You're welcome.

I agree that she must break the cycle. That means changing patterns for her children. This is a very difficult situation with which you are dealing; I do not envy you!

((( hugs ))))

MMS--



When women are convinced that they Must Live Life to Its Fullest (Particularly When They Married Young) other peoples' reasoning doesn't really make sense.

Keep invoking the children--and meddling when you feel they are in danger.

You can't be your sister's brain or her brakes--you can act to protect the kids.

Remember the Chinese curse: You're doomed to live in interesting times.

Hold your dominion.

Your right again Noddy..lol

I guess I'm doomed, cause right now, lifes looking much like the Young and the Restless.

She called me this morning, and it seems that he has text messaged her all night. I love you's....and miss you's. I told her to save them and to not answer him PERIOD!! Cut ALL TIES with him now, while you can. I keep drilling that in her head.

Of course, she sounded like at any moment she would run back to him. My mother spent the biggest part of the day with her and she reasurred me this afternoon that she wouldn't do that. That she's terrified of him. So...now lets just cross our fingers that its over..

Thank you for ALL for listening.....Like I keep saying, I was just at a loss over what to say ......or to say differently to her. I needed other opinions on this situation. In one months time, it went from fun and casual to wondering about someones life being at stake. You never know............

makemeshiver--

Some plots--and characters--belong in fiction, not real life.

You might start suggesting to your sister that Prince Charming is not going to ride up the driveway if Meth Man is in residence--and Meth Man is not Prince Charming.

After all, she's a woman who needs a man around, full time--not a man setting off underwater explosions or serving a prison sentence.

Would Social Services pull the kids if they knew they were at risk? Is she aware of that risk of her kids being pulled?

I am wondering that too, ehBeth.

Is there a chance your sister needs meds? (I forget if you said she takes any). Her selfdestructive - and at least potentially child destructive - behavior since the divorce is comprehensible, it happens, but needs to be curtailed, whatever happens with methman. Any possibiltiy of counselling?

Good points.......

The kids? Well...this is really going to get confusing here, so hang on. When she moved back, she enlisted the help of her ex-MIL to help with the kids. The ex-MIL from her first marriage. I really thought this woman was setting her up for a fall...not sure she isn't still yet. But I warned my sister that she needed to stay on her gaurd where the MIL was concerned that she has never been that nice, why now?

So......MIL has helped her out over and over........the kids are practically living there. (shaking my head)

I have tried to warn her about her taking the chance of loosing her kids. She hasn't taken heed to any warnings that I have given her, or our cousin that we are both close with. Matter of fact, our cousin is a mental therapist (if thats the correct term for it) and her sister has a doctorate in Physcology. SOOOOOOOOOOOO........she's been WARNED.

She obviously doesn't care.



I've wondered that myself? From what I understand they wouldn't be pulled unless there is abuse. What form though?



Tell me about it! My cousin and I are at our WITS END tonight!


We are not trying to be meddlesome, we didn't ask to be brought into this situation. She brought us into it. From the time she throwed him on us...there was not a single one of us that had a good feeling about this man. (WE were not comparing notes, niether of us had talked about it )There was his bragging to me about his dope dealing, warrants etc...that set me off. My cousin and I didn't speak about the situation till two weeks ago. Thats when our lil plan got set into motion. We went behind her back because of everything she had to say about him...and what she would do if everyone went on talking about him like they did.

We honestly thought we did what was best for her. It was HER that called the both of us, telling us that she was TERRIFIED of HIM.......And it was NEITHER one of US that made that phone call, matter of fact, we had nothing to do with the phone call. Someone else did it.......that we would have never thought would have done it.



My cousin and I both feel, along with the whole family that she needs counseling along with some medication. Tonight we more or less had a conference call and are trying to decide whether we need to treat her like a drug addict and have an intervention with her?

You know, if I dragged all the skeletons out of the closet you good people would be looking at me like I was crazy.......there are some things about her that I'm leaving out......

Ok...THROWING MY HANDS UP and QUITTING my WORRYING about Her....

She LOVES him.........she wants everyone to leave them alone...so she can be with HIM........boooo hooo hoooo........

Ok, so now I'm hoping that maybe he'll box her jaws good for her.....then she can really be the victim here.

Dang.

My sympathy--to you, to your cousin and to your mother. Also to your sister's kids.

Me too.

And I have sympathy for her too, as she goes down a selfdestructive road for a version of someone loving her.

The kids, yikes.

Best advice of all.

I had a sister much like this, always in violent & abusive relationships, alcoholic, drug addict, prostitute, always crying for help and not listening to advice....she killed herself 11 years ago.

DETACH, if at all possible. I'm very sorry for you, and for her. Sending hugs your way.

This suggestion won't help your sister one bit, but it may help you.

Consider your sister a National Disaster Area and every single bit of color she adds to her personal life makes her more tourist-worthy.

You can't cancel a Force of Nature--you can only be prepared to pick up the pieces.

That sucks MMS (((HUGS)))