dagmaraka wrote: I have some work to do on myself, but that's more of an active type of work, not passive
<snip>
Everybody has been burnt, but since I'm not everybody and cannot download other's experience into me, I have to deal with it my way, for better or for worse.
Of course everyone handles it differently. All we can do is listen, proffer ideas, and mmmm listen.
My perception of it is that you're quite right about needing to do something active to break the spiral/cycle/routine.
I wouldn't recommend the Viking Burial as a generic approach - but it worked in one case when I needed to do something very tangible to mark the end of a relationship (one pic, one letter - as symbols).
We've all got our own ways to mark beginnings and endings. Sometimes we need encouragement to actually do something.
dagmaraka wrote:i'm happy and so is he, he says.
Not a bad starting point ....
yes and yes. yes, i do need to DECIDE to let go and do something about it.... and yes, definitely not a bad start.
We outgrow love like other things
And put it in the drawer,
Till it an antique fashion shows
Like costumes grandsires wore.
Oy! Good luck with the "dance" thing, Dagglepuss.
I do that...sigh.
I think a lot of us do.
It sucketh mightily.
Hmmmm...I think a Viking funeral might do me a power of good, too.
You must really like this one.
Far be it for me of all people to give relationship advice to people (even though I do, ha).
What you write though, Dag, just strikes me so familiar to my own self.
And I don't go digging unless I really like a guy. Otherwise - well, it wasn't all that hard for me to walk, run, or skip away from a situation.
But when all the stuff comes out and the old, old ex - the one that really got to you (I have one too) comes into figuring - the guy at present is somebody good.
Settle, ever, that's something I don't know about either. But there is getting past the references to ex and happiness with someone else.
The funny thing about it is how it's scary bc a lot of it is the first time. All over again. First time bc it's a whole different dynamic this time around, cause you have changed.
The big thing is standing there deciding if whether to try it a new way or not.
Anyways, I hope this all goes well for you. However that needs to play out .
mushy, are you sure you're not me? thou speaketh so well! it is this Big Thing, unknown and overwhelming, I could almost draw it looking at it still from a distance.
here's some thoreau (side-effect of this guy is also digging through poetry i have no clue about) :-)
Indeed, indeed, I cannot tell
Indeed, indeed, I cannot tell,
Though I ponder on it well,
Which were easier to state,
All my love or all my hate.
Surely, surely, thou wilt trust me
When I say thou dost disgust me.
O, I hate thee with a hate
That would fain annihilate;
Yet sometimes against my will,
My dear friend, I love thee still.
It were treason to our love,
And a sin to God above,
One iota to abate
Of a pure impartial hate.
Quote:The third time he left because he didn't want to 'settle'. What if there is something better out there, he said.
I have a feeling this person will always be looking for something better. Sounds like a problem that he has within himself. None-the-less, what a sucky thing to say.
Dag, I will continue reading here and wishing you the best with your relationship. You deserve to be happy.
Thanks, marty. I do know this in my mind, but it still hurt beyond belief.
Anyway...
Meanwhile, this guy:
"When can I see you again?"
~butterflies~ feeling like i'm 15 all over again.
dagmaraka wrote:Meanwhile, this guy:
"When can I see you again?"
~butterflies~ feeling like i'm 15 all over again.
Concentrate your energies here.
The past has passed.
dagmaraka wrote:"When can I see you again?"
Just those few words go a long way to help you get your footing and your flight again.
ha, that's actually funny, chai. i work in conflict resolution, and our focus is historical memory... Motto you'll see on our front page anywhere is "Past is never dead; it's not even past" - by W. Faulkner. The main philosophy being that you can only move forward if you have honestly dealt with the past (that doesn't mean being stuck in the past, just squaaring off with it).... so i can't quite accept the 'let the bygones be bygones' as it's against my entire philosophy, though i know what you mean. i just have to arrive at a conclusion in some way. this thread helped me think about that and nudged me to decide to really let go and face the leftover issues that still lurk around.
but yes, concentrate on this guy and don't compare him to the old ghosts, i fully agree....it's a challenge, but i'm honestly trying.
Maybe you should try women.
Somehow, I'm glad to hear that.
not that it has anything to do with anything...but what else is new.
