Hair, you are dealing in hair futures? or hair presents? people will value you for today's hair at 9:10 pm, just when your cashmere coat crunches against their chest?
Do not, listen, dag, do not put your future on hair whirls, please.
Osso, whhezes no. no.
On the other hand, should you want to, let me applaud you to a life of odd hair tangles.....
osso
oh my. i'm confused. i need someone sensible to talk some sense into me. it's like this: monster wrote me about a week ago that he wants to get me new wheels for my bicycle. weird enough. though i know he just sold the house that i worked my ass off on - painting, turning a garden no one cared for for 10 years into a stunning piece of landscape. i understand he made a small fortune and is feeling guilty, so he wanted to thank me in a way. whatever, i tried to refuse politely, but he insists. that's not an issue. we're on good terms, so whatever.
but, he also spoke that maybe we can meet before we both leave town (he's moving to nyc, me to vienna). i am mortified at the thought, but also terribly tempted. i just kept replying vaguely, not able to make up my mind. maybe it's too soon, it's still so raw.
but. the wheels are in the mail - in his mail. monster offered to stop by this weekend and help me put new wheels on. i want to throw up just thinking about seeing him. but i'm also dying to see him. i can't see him. i must see him. no way. but i wannu.... see what i mean? i know that ultimately it is up to me, just trying to maintain some sanity here. why the <bleep> does he keep meddling into my life? then again, i don't want him to disappear from my life altogether, we really got along tremendously. i never had so much fun with anyone else and if god gives us enough strenght over time (long long long time) we can maybe be good friends. i know him like my old boots, but would never trust him again emotionally to get back (i HOPE i wouldn't take him back). but i also hope he doesn't want to come back. if he does, i would have to muster a super human effort to refuse him. good christ. i'll stop now. grrrrrrrrr.
How long has it been since you've seen him?
i think i'll see him. i may regret it, but i would regret not seeing him more. dunno. i will just have to remember to hold that goddmned dominion by its ears firmly.
July is a long time. I think that's a decent enough interval. It can help with closure -- just stand firm if he wants to get back together!!!
If it would be too superhuman of an effort, don't do it.
I agree with you Dag. But, still, maybe wait til tomorrow before you make the final decision.
yeah, i'll wait. i think i can be distant enough that the thought doesn't even cross his mind. if anything, i'm certainly good at that. ha. i also think i am going to reply to this drop-dead gorgeous liberian that asked me out long time ago. although a slimeball, a coffee with a drop dead gorgeous dancer/filmmaker/journalist will do a lot of good for me. not interested in him, but he don't need to know that. am i awful?
You'd be awful if you let him buy you an expensive dinner. Not awful to meet for a cuppa joe.
Ol' Uncle George says do NOT see "monster".
Just don't. You'll do yourself more harm than good.
That chapter is ended. Move on.
Something to be said for George's point of view.
i hear you, loud and clear. my own brain tells me don't. but i'm gonnu. i'm that way, i tend to run into things head-on. i prefer it. i'm way too curious and it's worth the anguish it will inevitably cause. i won't see him after that for another year, i'll be gone. so that alone should help.
R. Kelly wrote a song about the way you're feeling.
"My mind's telling me noooo...but my body...my body's telling me yes."
Then again, R. Kelly was charged for banging an underage chick and peeing on her.
If you want to see him again, go for it. You're taking off after that anyway. If you think it'll screw you up emotionally, don't.
I think your sexual desires have staged a coup on your brain, and you now think you miss him, but really, you only miss about six or so inches of him.
I'm right, aren't I? Come on, I know I am!
well. that i don't know yet. a lot will depend on how things go. if we will be able to just talk, fine and great. i need closure. but if he will try to pull some stuff, not so great. i will surely tell him beforehand my terms, i.e. no way am i coming to his house, although that's where he has his bike tools - an awesome setup, but i can't deal with that. aaah, i'm still thinking, i won't decide before tomorrow...
dagmaraka wrote:i will just have to remember to hold that goddmned dominion by its ears firmly.
My mind is in the gutter...
kicky, that's actually the last thing i miss. after eight years it's not always terribly exciting. plus the brazillian journalist intermezzo, well, nemmind. won't go there. what i do miss is the level of comfort we had with each other, but there is absolutely no chance of any comfort this weekend. i just want to establish some sort of a new relationship between us, no matter how naive it sounds. a precedent, if you will.
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
For once she was a true love of mine.
Men are far more likely than women to consider "Scarborough Fair" a sweetly romantic ballad.
I suspect that while he talks of closure--or would if that sort of word was part of his vocabulary--he's really seeking absolution for having treated you poorly.
Of course, if you were to provide some fresh and tender romantic moments for him to treasure as he rode south to the Big Apple, he wouldn't say, "No."
You don't want "closure" as much as you want a smooth transition into the next chapter of your life. You also resent feeling repulsed and frightened by the very thought of his physical presense. You don't like not being in control.
I'm old fashioned enough to think that public places are an excellent venu for facing down demons. Meet him for coffee--mid afternoon. Mid-afternoon is too early for drinks and dinner and aftermaths.
Don't let him get near your bicycle spokes with his sentimental guilt. Remember, you want to keep the bike and ditch the monster.
Hold your dominion.
I can understand that. I am friends with my ex. Tricky though at first.
