you're on the right track, kicky. mental note: do NOT take the subway with kicky while in new york.
what i do: 1) i get stupidly excited every time anyone single and not outright dumb and ugly crosses my path - usually find out sooner or later that they are dumb and ugly enough.
2) i fall in love with 20 year old indian students who live on another continent - not a helpful prospect right there.
3) i make a point of flashing my ring-less left hand, gesturing wildly twisting fingers every which way so that each bachelor got the point i am single, unmarried and not engaged.
ya think any of this will get me anywhere?
i am willing to add 4) hack an ex to pieces if he keeps dropping mysterious gifts into my mailbox. plenty of single men in prison, aren't there?
Don't forget to show off the cleavage, and ask guys "are you single...yes? Wanna bang?"
Those Indian guys had her at "Hello. Are you a spinster?".
ummm, that was an indian girl. but let's not go there...
I tried that thing that Slappy suggested with the staring in the subway. I met a lovely homeless woman. When I stared at her and licked my lips, she immediately went into an obscinity-laden tirade, scaring off all the other riders. But not me. I was in love with this toothless freak with the smell of two weeks without a bath wafting off her filthy body.
As soon as she gets back on her meds, we are going to meet underneath the tracks at the 51st street subway station. She said she's going to introduce me to the "mole" people. I don't know who the mole people are, but it sounds like I might have found the one!
that is fantastic. not only have you found the one, you will also be a part of a happy large community.
Well, I'm not sure that she's the one yet. I really should wait until I meet the mole people before jumping in with both feet on this thing. But the rotten teeth, the hair like a rat's nest, the disgusting body odor, the incredibly offensive vulgarity-filled outbursts--these are the things that I have dreamed about finding for oh so long...excuse me...just taking about all the wonders of this woman is making me tear up a little. I have to go and compose myself...<schnifffff>
i'm very happy for you, kicky. i hope i meet my prince charming one day, too. maybe you can introduce me to the mole people? he may be hiding there somewhere. we can all live happily underground ever after.
grrrrr. one of the very few shortcomings of spinsterhood is not having someone around to zip the back of my dress!!! it took me a goood 15 minutes to hop around the whole apartment, contorting in all sorts of acrobatic positions (and i used to be a dancer and a gymnast) before i got the sucker to zip up all the way!
Ogden Nash:
A husband is a man who tells you
When you have too much lipstick.
And helps you with your girdle
When your hips stick.
haha, i need one of those. temporarily. actually, a servant would do!
Oh man, the image in my head! I think I'm gonna go post in the "what made you smile today" thread?
I agree, Dag. A well-trained lady's maid would zip the zipper, unzip the zipper, see that the dress did a round trip to the cleaners and was restored to your closet with no repairs needed.
Men....I suppose they have other useful qualities.
Of course, Dag does have housemates who could help. baring that, she could walk outside her building and whistle.
Just like you do, littlek.
I don't have any zippered dressed to worry about.
In my single days, when I lived in an apartment, I had a deal with the old lady next door. She had broken her hip and couldn't bend over- so I tied her shoes for her and picked up the flyers dropped by her door. In exchange she would do things like zip up my dress, or pull togehter the back strings on a little corset number I liked to go man hunting in and on occassion, tell me if I had sat on something after riding the subway. Everyone needs a friend like that.
well, i made it. and let me tell ya, corsett (sp?) for a dinner is a darn stoopid idea. i was in so much pain. i did look hot. especially since i have $200 haircut on my head! yeah. two bloody hundred. worth it, though. to make it all worth it, i did bump into one of the monster's best friends in a bar, he commented on how great my hair looks and i informed him it's monster's birthday today. he was much more off guard than i was (plus he was tanked). but he will have good things to report, which is...priceless. for everything else, there's mastercard.
