Dag--
Do not fall back on meat and potatoes. This too will pass and you will be not only exotic and brilliant, but willowy.
Hold your dominion.
Dag is obviously already exotic and brilliant. Brazilian journalist, you say?! Damn, girl!!!
I am impressed!!!
She is impressive.
Sorry about the news, Dag.... that sucks.
kickycan wrote:dagmaraka wrote:Grrrrrr, my inkling that the monster has a lady-friend has been confirmed today. Not that I mind, I thought so to begin with (he went to Hawaii for holidays and that could not have been his idea. We used to make fun of people that go to Hawaii...), but hearing it makes me want to kick everything in sight. :-) I REFUSE to think about him, i refuse, i refuse. grrrr. gotta go to the gym, to get it out of the system. grrrr grrrr triple grrr. Not that i care, no at all......
I love you.
Does that make you feel any better?
We all do, dag! Does that help?
Commiserations, I know how learning stuff like that for the first time can hurt. <sigh> But, it passes, it passes! Aren't you glad you didn't make contact now, dag?
hah! am I glad! i am radiant with gladness that i didn't call. would feel like a bloody fool today. instead i only feel particularly bitchy, but that too, shall pass, like somebody i know says. actually, it passed rather quickly. i rambled here and talked a friend's head of for a few minutes, then had to face health services people who stuck four injections into me - preparation for my trip to India. Obviously, I have more exciting and important things to tend to then some silly confused middle aged plastic surgeon!
:-) I really do think i have a more interesting life now. i don't know if i would take my current job if I still was with the monster. it involves a lot of travelling, i'll be in europe for awhile, back and forth to india, probably israel and korea next year for at least a month each.... who has time for silly men?
Sorry for the bad advice, dag. Still, I would have called him about the friend. Might have regretted it, but would've called him nonetheless.
I find that whenever I react out of kindness and someone else does not reciprocate, it does not affect my self esteem one whit. It just makes me think less of them.
Anyway, I'm sorry he's turned out to be such an ass.
No, i know eva, i'm just trying to simplify it. i'm not on bad terms with him actually, we exchange emails often. i made him a card (watercolors exercise :-)) and i know he really appreciated knowing that i care. and he knows that i understand how he feels better than anyone else still. he's not an ass, really. he is bright, funny, handsome....but emotionally confused. he has, umm, interesting ideas about what a relationship should be like. sort of as if he was 16. if it isn't perfect 100% of the time, if it is not 'magical' like the day you met, it isn't right. he never lasted in any relationship longer than 1 1/2-2 years. those were with me, 4 times. i kept giving him another chances, because each time it seamed he got over those ideas, we did talk them out each time and he agreed, and come few months later, it was as if we never talked before... i had to let go finally for good. part of me worries about him of course, because he really needs to be in a relationship, he tends to get miserable and lonely when single, but he doesn't seem to be capable to last in them... what can i do, but watch him from a distance and wish him well....... after awhile, once i get over him though, dangit! :-)
That makes your restraint all the more admirable, that you have avoided doing what came so easily the previous 3 times.
We need to start doing the kind of cheering we do for the new nonsmokers, a whole month! Wow! You can do it! Stay strong!!
Etc.
thanks, i think i stayed strong thanks to a2k also. it is my natural spot that i resort to now. when in doubt, i post. at least the time during which i wait for replies gives me time to think and reflect. and i do take advice seriously. after all, we've all been there.
attempting to pin it to my chest.... not working. well, thanks anyway!
Oh yes, we've all been there, dag.
Thanks for the explanation, though you certainly didn't owe me one. I do understand more clearly now. Yes, you are right to stay away. This kind can suck you under in a heartbeat. Good for you.
I'm sure you feel better knowing you sent the card, though. If you hadn't, you'd have felt insensitive, right?
Sometimes I think men are so complicated I will never understand them. But then I realize that the real trouble is, some of them need to be a little more complicated.
dagmaraka wrote:....but emotionally confused. he has, umm, interesting ideas about what a relationship should be like. sort of as if he was 16. if it isn't perfect 100% of the time, if it is not 'magical' like the day you met, it isn't right ...
dag
You have no idea how well that description fits "someone" I know very well!
Except my one is heading for 50 & is still at it! It won't be long before his life becomes kinda sad ... actually, I think it is already.
What you ought to be rejoicing about, dag, is recognizing this this trait, tendency, whatever it is in your friend at the age you are now! The good news (even though you feel a great fondness for this eternal youth) is that you can see him for what he is. He is not going to stuff up
your life (which is looking remarkably exciting right now) by your trying to coexist with someone who can't or won't grow up. Imagine yourself at 40 years of age living with a gorgeous man with an emotional age of 16! Trust me, when you're 40 your needs will be different! Down the track, on the basis of your shared life together, you might well become friends. But I bet you he'll still be looking for that elusive something or someone to complete his life: He doesn't get it: it's all about learning to live with & accept himself.
Well said, msolga!
I'm afraid there is a bit of Peter Pan in all of us guys,
but most of us can work around it.
...well, most of the time, anyway...
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
GRRRRRRRR
Triple GRRRR
The forever young Mr. Self-Absorbed Monster dropped off a 'mysterious gift' he wrote me in an email he has for me. It's a CD. Monster style: no note, no doorbell, just dropped it off point blank in my mailbox. It's Brian Wilson: 'Smile'. With songs like 'I want to stick around' and 'Wonderful' and 'You are my sunshine' and oh yeah, my favorite 'In Blue Hawaii'. He just went to Hawaii with his new girlfriend a month ago, they probably listened to it there once or twice. Neat.
My analysis: he is either thinking of breaking it off with her or he already did that. I know him like my old shoes, he always runs to his ex-es when he deals with his emotional shite. But now it becomes my emotional shite because it stired every raw spot in me. I made sure he realizes it this time- just sent him an email. I just wish to physically hurt him for doing this to me friggin again and again and again. Ack! Bloody men! Sorry ye gentle souls out there who are an exception to the rule, but this here space is for me to vent. There. Already better. Ok, now I can move on to something better. Like dinner. Yeah.
Venting's good.
What a monster!!!!
Almost as good as venting? planning to go to Mario Batali's Otto Enoteca Pizzeria while in New York
http://ottopizzeria.com/menu_pizza.html
mmmmmmm
I want to try his oil and sea salt pizza. Or I think I do. How can that be a pizza?
Dangit! What a pain. Did you really REALLY tell him it hurts you?
