Back in the singles' club again

Call him.

You're right, this is different.

i think i'm too much of a chicken. everything in me revolts against calling him. but i think i will feel guilty if i don't. and if the call doesn't go too too well, i will feel angry for calling. but i suppose that's not important now and you are right. but i think i will call tomorrow, i have a massive headache today and feel shitty. tough long miserable day.

Take two advil and smoke a fat one. Your headache will go away and you'll think clearly through the problem.

I wouldn't call him.

If you're emailing back and forth, I'd throw it out there he's free to call you if he needs to talk.

But if he still stirs up all those emotions, you still have to seperate yourself.

I don't know...I'm just thinking if I were in that situation, I'd go to the wake to pay respects, but I wouldn't go calling my ex-girlfriend to talk to her about it.

Slappy's is a good suggestion. Tell him he can call if he needs to talk.

Have him call you. That makes it much harder for him to confuse sympathy with future togetherness.

sounds good to me and whew, what a relief. i almost guilted myself into calling, and that's the last thing i want to do. and yes, he does still stir up all those emotions, and i don't want to confuse him OR myself. so i'll just send a card by mail. or nothing, i did send a nice email - which didn't say call me, but it did say that he knows i am here should he need anything. enough, right? right. excellent. time for a bubble bath.

i think i just felt frustrated and depressed, sort of on his behalf, especially since his father's death was by far the most difficult thing in his life. his friend died the same way, also very young, like his dad, and i know that it's all the more tough for him. stirs up old wounds. and i do care about him very much, always will, but cannot help. i just plain hate that feeling. hmmm, am i writing this for the seventh time, just about? i think i am, really off to take a bath.

Yes, that's enough.

Done.

Back in the singles club. Too bad I'm going to bed right now in Sin City. I'm just total junk right now, had the longest day and have to get up very early and work.

But I'll have some good stories to report next week I'm sure. I've already had a handful of people from my company come up to me and say "heard you were a machine today.....heard you were with a hottie last night....did you dance back to the hotel when you left the bar?"

Good times. And supposedly there was someone dead in the middle of the street last night. Not good times.

Tuning in late. I wouldn't call. Now, from my perspective now, I wouldn't. I might be near a phone though.

Hello dag

I know what you mean. I've been in situations like that, too. You know the person through & through & you know EXACTLY how they'll feel about the bad news ... & you really feel for them. What to do? Big dilemma.

Your response was a good one. A thoughtful, sympathetic email, then the card. Really, it's up to him now if he wants to make further contact.

The real problem (I found) was when I DID do the contacting in circumstances like this I just found myself involved (to some extent) again. It's so very easy. Then, the necessity to extricate myself again. <sigh> It just made things so much harder, considering that a reconciliation was not on the cards. So no, it's not thoughtless not to make contact. It's acknowledging that you are living separate lives now & acting accordingly. Not always easy to do, but far kinder to yourself in the long run.

Yes, agree.

Tuning in even later that osso and I too hope that you DID NOT call. Send a card and move on. It's not about him. It's about you protecting your emotions and I wouldn't take any chances with my heart if I were you.

Dasha, ooooh, sorry, I should have met you last night - well, tonight for sure!

yes, thanks. i'm glad i posted, and listened. i probably would have called despite dreading it, just because all those emotions confused the hell out of me. how long will that bloody last? aaanyhow, today is another day and E is a monster again :-) (i never really meant it, he's a good guy, but every ex deserves a nickname)

The confusion will last for awhile. That's why you have to, above all else, protect your heart. But know that the confusion won't last forever. You won't always be so vulnerable and susceptible.

Personally, I'd send flowers to the funeral. Probably too late now, eh?

Good for you, you didn't call. Probably not wise.

i didn't know the friend that well. and the funeral was last wednesday. i was concerned about E and how he's dealing with his friend's death. but i got over that. card will have to do.

Dag--

Good for you. Until he's comfortable with the new rules, you have to avoid confusing him

Sympathy can be a very dangerous animal.

Hold your dominion.

I'm at the tail end of the train here, but having bought
a ticket, I want to say something too

You did the right thing Dag, believe me.

My brother always called an old girlfriend of his when
he had a crisis, and every time he called her, they
met later on, got together again (until my
brother felt that all his wounds were licked), and then
they parted again.

They did have a special bond between them but
ultimately it was a hardship for both.